
I don’t have a coherent thought in my head right now, so I figured I would just put together an “overall thoughts” blog (like so many of us do) to entertain those few of you who actually stop by here from time to time…
1. Seat Belt Car Alarms
Seriously…I have enough people in my life, from kids to co-workers, who boss me around, the last thing I need is my car yelling at me. So why do the car companies continue to install those damn alarms that continue to go off until I buckle my seat belt? I’m an adult…I’ll buckle up when I’m good and ready! You stupid car horn! I can’t concentrate on my texting/eating/talking on the phone/fixing my hair/changing the station/driving while you’re making that godawful sound! Damn alarms…
2. Forgotten Items
Why is it when I go to the grocery store I can’t just bring a pen? Because my wife hands me a list and I walk down aisle after aisle grabbing stuff on the list except for that ONE item that I totally missed and now I gotta go back to aisle 2 when I’m in aisle 15. So now I have to swim upstream past everyone to get to that item! Damn lists…
3. My Daughter
I love her dearly but seriously…I have no idea what she is talking about half the time. When I take her to school, I listen to her the best I can but mostly it’s just her talking about whatever random thing pops into her noggin and I can’t keep up. For example…today…
Ava: “Daddy…did you know that Michelle and Thomas go to the same school? I don’t think they are in the same class though. I think they are in different classes with different teachers. Who is older? Michelle or Thomas?”
Me: “I’m not sure, honey. I think Michelle. But I don’t know.”
Ava: “Well…who was born first?”
Me: “Well if I knew that I would know who is oldest…right?”
Ava: “Yeah…but I still don’t know who is oldest. If I knew who was oldest I would know they aren’t in the same class but they still go the same school…right?”
Me: “Uh….(long pause)…I think so?”
After 2 or 3 more conversations like that, my brain is mush for the rest of the day.
4. My Wife’s Memory
I think I must be losing my mind because my wife can remember just about every detail of her childhood where I remember almost nothing. Today she told me a story about something that happened to her in the 3rd grade. The THIRD grade. I can’t remember past 2 years ago…let alone what happened when I was 8. Is this a guy/girl thing? I mean…I try to remember what I was doing in early September in the 3rd grade and all I can come up with is an empty part of my brain where there is a monkey sitting in a room who is looking at me and eating a banana. Is that weird? Stupid memory…
5. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
My friend Kim sent me an email with some funny “Random Thoughts” which could have very well been written by myself. I know at any given time I have THOUGHT these things but didn’t have a pen to jot them down with (hence the need for a pen at the grocery). There were so many funny ones that I HAD to share because I’m friendly like that. Here are a few that I thought pertained to me pretty well…Enjoy!
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that? (See above story)
Aaaaaand…that’s all I got. Enjoy your Tuesday everyone! (I hate Tuesday…)
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