Looking Backwards To Go Forward

I am, admittedly, someone who likes to look back at things. For whatever reason, I have always been that way. When it comes to my life, I have been so fortunate to have had so many great “moments” that it is hard NOT to look back. Whether it’s my high school years, playing ball with my friends at “The Square” in Philo or my college days at Ohio University, I have nothing but great memories. Living in Dayton with my buddy Newman, working at the local affiliate there and then getting a job in Cincinnati where I would meet my wife and settle down. Our wedding day and the following honeymoon were the best days of my life. The day we moved into our new home. The day we had our first child. The holidays with family. The birth of my daughter. On & on…memory after memory…my life has been, without a doubt, a blessed one. But when is it time to look ahead? When do you put those wonderful memories aside and look to the future with the bright sun shining in your face and the future a welcome beam of light that can take you anywhere?

When is it time to put the past in the past?

Or…is it ALWAYS a part of me?

Some say I’m a nostalgic person and I’m okay with being that way. I don’t let my past get in the way of my future…I don’t think. I’m still a forward thinker, trying to plan for what lies ahead. But on occasion I enjoy daydreaming about my life and, for me, thinking about what great things have already happened to me gives me hope for an even brighter future. Without my past being what it was, my future would be cloudy and uncertain. But because of my family and the friends I have and the people I know, all who have shared wonderful times with me, my future will ALWAYS look bright. I don’t fear the future even though I don’t know what’s ahead. But I love to remember all the great times that shaped who I am and that gives me courage to face such an uncertain future.

Our lives are in flux. I see it everywhere. People are angry, scared, sick, spent with trying to keep up. Our culture has moved so fast into the future that we can only wonder where we will be in another 10 years. I also wonder. I have a 10-year old and an 8-year old. The thought of seeing them grow up and moving on is kind of horrifying for me. I know it’s going to happen and I know I will be so amazingly proud of them no matter what they do. But for me…thinking about THAT future isn’t something I enjoy doing. I like my kids NOW. I don’t WANT to think about them in the future.

My wife thinks I can be pessimistic at times and I imagine I am. Although I think I tend to be more optimistic than she might give me credit for, I still have a tendency to worry about all the things that most people are worried about these days. Money, time spent away from home, work exhaustion, health issues. All of the things that everyone else seems to be concerned with I am worried about also. But I don’t want those things to define who I am. Who I am is the little boy who would roller skate around McConnelsville at 7am on a Saturday morning while my Dad is prepping for the morning breakfast crowd at our family restaurant. Who I am is the teenager who would give his brother & sisters a ride on the back of the lawnmower in the summertime. Who I am is the young man who would get a job at the local tv station right out of high school and go on to an amazing and fulfilling career. Who I am is the man who literally cried through most of his own wedding ceremony and I’ve never once been embarrassed by it. Who I am is the bumbling 30-year old holding a crying baby boy AND a video camera, not sure which one I would drop first. Who I am is the guy in the grass at Riverbend, rocking out to AC/DC and screaming like a maniac every time Angus drops a guitar solo. I am all of these memories and more…and every one of them is as important to me as any that will follow them.

Looking ahead at my future, the best I can hope for is that it is as fulfilling as all of the moments that have led to it. That is who I am. And if my days ahead are anything like my days behind me, I will have to consider myself to be one very lucky man.

The Age I Am

Today I made a step forward and actually attended a spin class at the gym that I pay for monthly. It’s probably my first time IN the gym since December (or possibly November…or maybe October) and I was…uh…NOT in the best shape of my life. Au contraire…I literally thought for a brief moment that at any time during the 45 minute ride that I might pass out and fall off my bike. After considering the possibility of this happening while spinning to the Goo Goo Dolls remake of the Supertramp classic, “Give A Little Bit,” I realized something…

I am THE perfect age. Right now. At the age of 43.

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve noticed that there are a lot of 80′s songs being played everywhere. In commercials and on the radio (FM radio is chock full of the “oldies”). There are repeated showings of 80′s movies on tv (ANOTHER “Ferris Bueller/Terminator” Marathon on AMC?!?! Count me IN!) and there are plenty of channels rerunning 80′s television classics (if “ALF” is on, I’m watchin’!). Last week the remote control decided to stop on VH1 where they are airing 80′s music videos again (because apparently music videos of today kinda suck) and I must have watched 3 hours of Duran Duran/Whitesnake/A-Ha classics! So today it officially hit me that I am now a part of the age group that is spending its money. To capitalize on this, marketing teams around the country are pandering to my sense of nostalgia, working hard to get me to spend my well earned cash and ya know what? It’s kind of flattering!

I cannot deny that if I hear a song from my childhood in a commercial (OH YEEEEEEAH….Ferris Bueller pandering cars?!?! Love it!!!), I totally watch the entire spot. Does it make me want to buy a new car? Sure. I would LOVE to be able to afford a new car (well…actually I want a larger vehicle. Preferably something that doesn’t sit so low to the ground) even if I know there’s no way in hell I’m gonna go buy one. And those box sets that they market on tv overnight (“ALL THE 80′S CLASSICS! JUST LIKE YOU REMEMBER THEM!!!”) are tempting even if they do ONLY cost $9.99 a month for the rest of your life (although let’s be perfectly honest…I’ve downloaded them all already anyway). I’ll sit and watch “The Princess Bride” with commercials even if I do own it on Blu-Ray AND regular DVD just because I’m too lazy to go put them in the DVD player and I don’t want to miss Billy Crystal’s brief moment as Miracle Max (“Have fun storming the castle!”). I am a sucker for ALL this nostalgia stuff and I am being tricked, manipulated even, as my childhood is being used to woo me to spend my dolla billz and sentz (as the younger generation calls it…I think). But even with this push to get me to spend, SPEND, SPEND! I’m trying hard not too. Today we are in difficult times. Money is flowing like water down the drain and I am trying to keep my head afloat. As a matter of fact, from what I can tell…ALL of us are. Sure…there are the few lucky ones who have extra to burn and to those folks, I wish them all the best. But for me and most of my friends of the 80′s, from what I can tell, we are all treading water and looking for a life raft.

A couple of weeks ago, the MegaMillions lottery was up to a gazillion dollars (or somewhere close to that). Twitter and Facebook were going NUTZ (there I go with that young speak again) with friends posting about wanting to win the big payoff. Every day I can log on and read how my friends, old and new, are all trying to make do. A family vacation here, a little gift for oneself there (I just got an IPad. I’m officially WAY behind the curve on that one) but for the most part? We’re all spinning our wheels, trying to keep up in a world that is, for the most part, spinning out of control with access. It is SO easy these days to go surfing on the world wide web and buy ANYTHING we want! Or there is a Target 2 miles away. Or there are people coming to our doors to sell everything from cookies to lawn care to salvation for your soul (and they even take Mastercard, Visa and American Express!). Everywhere you turn…everyone wants MY money! And there are ways to make me wanna buy without me even realizing it. Until today.

A few weeks ago, I was in Destin, Florida with my family when I noticed that the music being played at the pool was all 80′s. This was interesting to me because you would have thought that more modern pop music would have been the music of choice, especially during spring break. But then I realized…I am the one who has the cash. It was my wife and I who paid for the vacation. It was my wife and I who had made the drive in our oversized tank with an entertainment system in single lane traffic for 2 days in crappy weather that had bought into this condo beach haven as a primo hotspot for our family and all of our friends’ families to visit for a week. It was I who had the cash to pony up for all the toys and bathing suits and sunblock (Mental Note: Sunblock MUST be applied on your feet also) so my kids could go splash around in the ocean for 5 hours before complaining of sand rash (Mental Note: wear biker shorts when in salt water. Ya don’t want your junk getting all scratchy). So…it made sense that the music being blared over the loud speakers near the heated pool (Mental Note: Even in Florida, a heated pool is WAY better than the non-heated pool in March) was a nice mixture of Michael Jackson and Madonna 80′s hits. Does it bother me that I’m the new “It” generation? Nah. I guess it had to happen sometime.

Today I went to the gym for the first time in months. I burned off 1300 calories, shot a little hoop, did 5 or 6 pushups and attended a spinning class. I’m feeling young again…until tonight when I’ll probably make pasta with meatballs for dinner with garlic bread and milk and then I’ll wake tomorrow with my legs searing with pain and my arms feeling numb. But for RIGHT THIS SECOND? I’m feeling young again. I am THE age that I should want to be. And so now I should be enjoying it instead of worrying about it so much. So I’ve made a goal for myself. And here it is…

I want to be able to play an entire game of basketball with my son without feeling like I’m gonna keel over at any second.

That’s it.

I don’t want to be 18 again. I don’t want to be 28 again. Hell…I don’t want to be 38 again. I don’t need ripped abs or sweet pecs or gluts of steel. I don’t want to be able to run the Boston Marathon or cross country like Forrest Gump. With my work schedule and kids schedule and social calendar, I CAN’T want those things. I do not have the time. But to want to simply be in shape enough to play ball with my son or daughter (if she wants to play) is all I really want. My Dad is 73 and he plays golf just about every day and he’s in GREAT shape. That’s what I want. I want to be 73 and in good enough shape that I can play tennis or golf or even shoot around and not feel like I’ve been smoking every day of my life. I think that’s a goal I can manage. So today is the start of the rest of my life, I suppose. It had to arrive sometime. Might as well be today. And then when I’M 73 and shooting hoops with my grandkids, they’ll all be amazed at how great grampy looks! Of course…the only problem with being 73 is that you are no longer a part of the “IT” generation. Somehow I don’t think that will be such a bad thing but I WILL miss the videos on VH1. Those are simply the best…

Back In MY Day…

Last weekend, Paul Daugherty wrote an interesting editorial for The Cincinnati Enquirer that talked about summer. In it, he compared modern day summer with summer’s past and how different they are. “I remember when I was a kid…” and “Back in MY day…” are 2 common starts to conversations with my kids that I find myself having these days and Mr. Daugherty addresses the vast differences our generation has with this one. Between the constant flow of time and attention, our kids NEVER slow down. Whether it’s baseball practice or violin practice, dance recitals or play dates, birthday parties or pool parties, modern-day kids are USED to the stimulation and they grab onto our (parents) pant legs and they never let go. Are they a product of us? Are we the ones who have decided that our children must be bombarded with over-scheduling and rushing from place to place?

Absolutely.

I don’t know about you, but “Back in MY day…” I had nothing but time to do anything I wanted to do. I lived out in the “boonies” (or in the country, to you city slickers) and in order for me to get to my friends, I had to hop on my bike and pedal about 4 miles to the nearest town and hope there were some guys around who wanted to play basketball for a few hours. Sometimes I’d go the the pool. Sometimes I’d hang out with my best friend. But very rarely did I have my parents to lean on. My dad & mom both worked and ran their own business and I was one of 6 kids. So for them to drop everything to take me somewhere was not gonna happen. So I used my imagination. Much like Daugherty, my days were spent tossing a ball against the house as Fernando Valenzuela worked to get out of a jam in Game 7 of the World Series or I was Magic Johnson slashing to the hoop, slipping between 2 imaginary defenders with the NBA title on the line. I wasn’t in little league anything. I played by myself or with a few of my closest (in proximity) friends and when it got too dark, I came home.

Obviously nowadays, things have changed, as they always do from generation to generation. Today’s generation has videogames on IPhones. They have access to anything they want with the world wide web. My daughter can log on, go to her favorite clothing store (Justice) and order a shirt and she’s only 6! I hate to imagine what would happen if she had my credit card information. And my son can get on his Playstation 3 and connect with his buddies online and play “Call of Duty” (I call it “Smell of Doodie”) and whip up on each other without raising an arm above their heads. And if they get shot? They get right back up and keep on killing. It’s ridiculous.

This generation of parents are known as “Helicopter Parents.” If you “Google” the term, the definition is such on Wikipedia…”Parents, like helicopters, hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. It is also called “over-parenting.” Parents try to resolve their child’s problems and try to stop them coming to harm by keeping them out of dangerous situations.” And that pretty much describes every parent I know these days. But who can blame us? With all the horror stories about abductions and killings and with information overload we have become as overprotective and as concerned as we can and so our kids suffer the consequences. No longer can I leave a quarter on the nightstand and hope that my 9-year old son can fill his day with his friends in the neighborhood. Now I have to know where he is at all times. I have to know that he is next door or at the pool or at the local baseball diamond and odds are I’ll drive him there in my Traverse with it’s air conditioning and video system on the back of the headrests. Kids today have no idea what “roughing it” means. Not that I think that I did either really. I mean seriously…I can’t remember EVER being hungry or thirsty or in need of anything. My parents took great care of me and allowed me to make my experiences for myself to some degree. But if there was a problem, they were always there for me. Funny thing is…I don’t remember there ever being a problem. Obviously, being a boy, I found myself some trouble from time to time, but for the most part, summer was a chance for me to do whatever I wanted. I’m not so sure that flies today.

So the question comes to mind…do I NEED to be a helicopter parent? Probably not. My son is great and very smart. Is he okay running around here in our neighborhood with his friends without me worrying? Probably. But I do. This morning is the first day of summer vacation for my kids. Christopher is out now, playing on this beautiful day. I have no idea where he went but I know he’ll stay close. Ava overslept and is now watching tv while I’m here writing. I have to go mix up some lunch for the kids before they head out to the pool with some friends. Yes…I will take them there in my air-conditioned vehicle and they will be with several other parents at the pool. This evening Christopher has baseball practice. He has practice a couple times a week. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think so. If I had the chance to play with a group of my best friends when I was a kid, you know I wanted to do it! Ava has violin practice. Is this a bad thing? No…I WISH I knew how to play an instrument. Later, I imagine my wife will gather with many of the parents and cookout or hang out while the kids play in someone’s backyard. Is this different from when I was a kid? A little bit but it’s not necessarily for the worse…it’s just different.

And that’s okay.

Every generation has it’s own way of celebrating summer. Here in my little town, we celebrate by hanging out with one another, having a few drinks while the kids play kickball in the backyard and telling stories of when we were younger. Things are a lot different now and as much as I miss those days back when I was 9, they are never coming back. So here’s to this new generation. I hope they grow up to appreciate all that we’ve given them. As a helicopter parent (not by choice but necessity), I do my best to make sure my kids enjoy their lives not just in the summer but year around and hopefully they will appreciate these things later…much like I do about the things I had when I was a kid. And may the hours, minutes and seconds tick slowly this summer. I want it to last forever…or for as long as I can stand sitting at the pool and soaking in the sun. It’s a tough job being a helicopter parent but it’s one I wouldn’t change for the world. But believe me…I get what Doc is saying and I’m taking it to heart and I’ll remember. Especially when I kick them out of the house and yell at them…

“Ya know…back in MY day…we didn’t HAVE 500 channels and videogames! Now get out there and use your imagination!”

I imagine my kids both looking at me like I’m crazy and ask, “So…what did YOU do when you were a kid?”

And I’ll respond, “Uh…wish I had cable and an Atari?”

And that would be the truth!

In My Lifetime…Ohio University

The College Days

When I graduated from high school, I quite literally had no idea what I was gonna do with my life. After a short stint working at my parents’ restaurant (peelin’ potatoes & washing dishes ain’t my thing) and at a gas station, I eventually got a job working at the local television station in Zanesville. And then for college I ended up attending the Ohio University branch in Zanesville for 2 years and then on to Athens, OH where the main college campus resides. It was those 4 years (especially the 2 in Zanesville) where I became my own person and learned where my life was heading.

When I enrolled at OUZ, I quickly became friends with some of the most important people in my life, many who have played a huge role in who I am now. I have kept in contact with quite a few of them and they are still extremely important to me. The short list would be JT, Newman, John, Alicia, Tricia, Karen & my high school friend, Linda. The long list would include quite a few people who I have not seen since college & some who have found me online and rekindled our friendship (like Kim, who got me into this little blogging venture). There have been a cast of hundreds who have shaped me into who I am today and those 4 years at Ohio U. were vital in helping a young teenager morph into an independent man. My instructors at Ohio recognized my abilities and then allowed me to utilize my creativity and interests and I was given many opportunities that got me rolling into life. I spent more time in radio & television studios than I would like to admit…and every day there was something new to learn. There are so many stories to be told and so many people I could thank, but to try to do so would be pointless. The people who are involved know who they are and they know the stories. I loved my time with them and my time spent at Ohio University, both the Zanesville branch and the main campus. Seriously…they were the best 4 years of my life and I don’t know where I would be without them.

So here’s to Ohio U…the best college in the world (especially for Halloween). And if you are ever in southeastern Ohio, you should swing by and take a quick walk down Court Street. And have a drink or two…or three. And make a stop at the Burrito Buggy. And do it in the fall because there is no better place on earth than on the College Green at Ohio University in October. Recently I got a chance to do just that…

The College Green (Cutler Hall)

Good eats…especially at 2am!

In My Lifetime…My Mom

Is there anyone more influential in a child’s life than his mother? I think not. And that definitely holds true for me also. A little over 41 years ago, my Mom & Dad adopted me from an adoption agency (no…I wasn’t delivered by raccoon) and I would like to believe that my parents have never regretted that day. If there is one person in my life who has seen me at my best and at my worst, in my best times & in my worst times, it’s my Mom. She has always been my rock, the person I can go to if I ever need a guiding voice. She has seen me through my teenage years when I was gawky and full of teen angst. She has seen me when I’ve been down on myself and when I’m so high I appear cocky. She has seen me get married twice and had one fall to pieces. And she has seen me as a parent, still trying to figure out how to raise two children in a world that is so different from when I was a kid. There are many things to love about my Mom, but the most obvious one is that she loves me…unconditionally. And that is what makes her the most important person in my life.

Today is my Mom’s birthday. 13 years ago she suffered an aneurism. I thought before that incident that she was an amazing woman. And 13 years after, she has shown me how resilient and how spectacular of a person she truly is. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Mom…and I love her more today than I ever have because now I see how hard she worked to raise me and it was she that made me the kind of person that I am.

Thanks Mom…for everything. I Love You and Happy Birthday!

Your son,

Alan

In My Lifetime…My Brother

There are so many ways I could go with this new category of mine. So many memories, places, people. Obviously I have to start somewhere when it comes to my siblings and so I figured I will start with one of my best friends who also happens to be my brother. Frank is 10 years younger than I, but oddly enough he appears to be at least 5 years older than me. Many say we look alike but I quickly remind them that I am adopted and so THAT theory goes away quickly. But truth be told, we DO have similarities and they make our brotherly relationship so much better.

First off, we both love movies. We both like to golf. We both have great families. Frank is handy around the house. I am handy with a mouse. There are many other things that I enjoy about having Frank as my brother, but of all the things that are awesome, his sense of humor is his greatest attribute. There is no one on this planet who makes me laugh like he does and whenever we get together, there are so many stories and things to talk about. It makes going home to visit one of my favorite things to do. Well…that and seeing my Mom. But that’s a blog for another day. So here are a couple of memories I have of Frank. Let’s see if he remember these…

1. When I conked him on the head with my class ring for being obnoxious in the backseat of my VW. After I did it, I felt so guilty and he was bawling. Not one of my brighter moments. And he’s been looking for revenge ever since…

2. The day he beat me playing basketball. He hit a shot falling out of bounds at our parents’ house. It was his lucky day. And it’s only happened ONCE in his lifetime (even though he’ll say twice. But the 2nd time was on a rim lowered to 6 feet. That’s bullcrap Frank! You KNOW that’s bullcrap!).

3. Beating him on the final hole at the golf outing before my wedding. He might say he LET me win that hole (NOT the entire round…just THAT hole) but I was there and I beat him on a great putt from about 20 feet away (well…that’s how I remember it and it WAS my wedding day!).

4. When he stayed at our house for a couple days and helped me tear up the kitchen floor and put down new tiles. Like I said…he’s handy. I am not. And that is why HE did most of the work. But I did SOME of it. Just not the bulk of it. And then we forgot to seal it and it looked like crap and my wife was SO happy. But whatever…it was fun being with him for a few days.

5. Just about anytime we go to the movies. And there have been hundreds. But he always reminds me of the time I snuck him in to see “Die Hard”. I honestly don’t remember doing it, but I’m sure I did. And I’m sure it was awesome!

My bro is cool. And I love him. And I am proud of him. Recently he quit smoking and has taken up running. He’s getting back into shape and he & his wife have a new baby girl and their son AJ, who is gonna be a lot smarter than his daddy. So my brother is awesome and he’s one of the few people I rely on to keep my head on straight. Thanks Frank for being so cool.

Okay…that’s over. Now can I have my putter back?

In My Lifetime…The Dunk

I’m starting another series called “In My Lifetime” that will feature people, places & things that I remember from my past. And we begin this series with a memory I have from years ago…1993 actually…of a slam dunk. Because I have been a huge basketball fan all my life, I figure this is appropriate. And it’s not a dunk that most will remember. It’s not Jordan or Kobe or LeBron or Magic or Dr. J. It’s 6’5″ John Starks. And he was going against the mighty Bulls in the 1993 NBA Playoffs. Do you remember this? Left-handed OVER Jordan. So awesome…and I don’t even really LIKE John Starks or the Knicks…and I was rooting for the Bulls.

Well…it was either that or the one time I was playing around in our high school gym and I dunked a softball. The ONLY time in my life I ever got close to dunking anything. And it only happened twice that day. Must have had my Wheaties for breakfast or something. So YOU pick…John Starks over Michael Jordan? Or Alan in the gym dunking a softball (no video available on YouTube. Sorry…). Easy choice…right?