Spinning My Wheels: Yoga. It Ain’t Spinning.

Sooooo not happenin’

So this morning I tried something new. I went to a yoga class. Of course I should have been doing this years ago (according to my orthopedist) who recommended it. ‘Cause I have a bad back, see. Sciatica probably caused by years of playing basketball without stretching, playing golf without stretching, age, gravity.

Whatever.

The point is…my back has its aches & pains. So in order to slow down the general compression or irritation of one of five spinal nerve roots that give rise to each sciatic nerve, or by compression or irritation of the left or right or both sciatic nerves (completely swiped from Wikipedia), I went to yoga. And ya know what…it felt great. But there are a few things I learned from only one visit to the Hot Yoga class taught by my friend, Jennifer…

1. I’m outta shape.
Of course we knew that already.

2. I’m not a very flexible person.
I’ve known this for years but watching the women next to me bending their bodies into shapes that would normally be reserved for pretzels tends to make me even more aware of this fact.

3. I’m stressed out.
Walking into this heated room that was dimly lit and relaxing only makes me realize even more how much I mistreat my body and mind. Seriously…this whole “zen” thing has a point and I’ve missed it for my entire life. Maybe it’s time to learn how to truly relax and enjoy letting my mind go free for a bit…even if it is only for an hour. We shall see. I have 2 kids. And a job. And a mortgage. That tends to put a little bit of wear and tear on a person.

4. I need to eat healthier and drink more water
Yeah…I know…EVERYONE tells me this. From my wife to my friends to the health prognosticator that belches it out on Sunday morning infomercials. But the fact is, I eat crap ’cause it tastes good. Hamburgers, hot dogs, fries, smothered everything, beer, soda, you name it…I probably eat it so it’s on me that I’m in the shape I’m in. I need to eat more veggies and fruits and put away the other stuff. Hell…I LIKE veggies and fruits so why is it I can never seem to order it from the menu? Got me…

5. Yoga people are freakin’ ripped!
So me walking in like a bull in a china shop was different. Usually I’m the smallest person in the room but this morning I was the 2nd largest (there was a guy who was 6’4″ in the class so he was the biggest by default). But even THAT guy was lean & strong. The class did some ab work and left me in the dust. I need to work on my core and this was only a good example why people who do yoga are in some pretty damn good shape. Which is what brings me to my final point…

6. If I want to feel better, I gotta do it.
Everyone knows the therapeutic affects of yoga and I’ve been hearing about it for years and I can tell, if I do it, I will feel better. But I gotta do it! So here’s hoping I can find the time and the inner strength (and maybe a class that’s a little later than 6am) to get moving and get to a class.

So there you have it. I hope that I can stay motivated and get to a few more classes in the next couple weeks. At some point, it’s all on me so here’s hoping I can get to it and stick with it. But for now, I got work to do.

No literally…I gotta go to work so that’s it. Buh bye…

Spinning My Wheels: To Fan Or Not To Fan

I like it hot & sweaty…

Oh how long it has been. Seriously…at least 6 months have gone by without me so much as getting a consistent workout schedule. A couple years ago, my brother bet me I couldn’t get to a certain weight. That kind of kept me motivated but now? Now I gotta do this by myself. I’m 42 years old and I’m not gonna keep this girlish figure forever. As a matter of fact…the upsizing to my waist began probably a couple of years ago. Where there used to be nothing but flat road? Now I got speed bumps. So I have decided that this will be the summer of getting my ass back in some semblance of shape. And so this week it began.

On Tuesday I went to my first spin class since probably February. The entire room had been flipped around so that where the instructor sat has now been moved to a different part of the room. This of course meant one of 2 things…

Firstly…I wouldn’t be spinning near the window (which I enjoy doing) because the instructor now sits in front of them and we are all in the back of the room now.

And secondly…the ceiling fans are situated so that no longer is the air being evenly fanned around the spinners. Now, if you WANT the fans, you need to sit on the left side of the room. If not, the right.

So now it comes to this…am I a fan guy? Or am I manly enough to take the heat?

On Tuesday, I chose the left. Not by choice per se. I mean…I hadn’t been there in a while and didn’t really realize what the differences were gonna be. But on Thursday I took some time to walk around the room and noticed the temperature difference. But seeing as how I had already been working out for an hour and I already had my bike picked out, I once again chose the fans over the heat of the “other” side of the room.

But today? I went “No Fan” and ya know what? I’m happy to say I’m a “No Fan” kinda guy. I like the sweat. I like the heat. I don’t like working so hard to see sweat dripping to the side of my bike. One of the gratifying things about spinning is that you can see the fruits of your labor. That little pool next to the bike? That’s your work for the day. So when I have a cool breeze blowing on me I don’t get that because the sweat doesn’t happen as easily. If I go “No Fan,” I can sweat to my heart’s content and not feel like I’m not getting a quality workout.

On Tuesday & Thursday I went to the gym an hour early and worked out before my spin class. I burned off about 1,200 calories both days (although on Thursday I went home and did some yardwork after and managed to burn off close to 2,500 once it was all said and done!). Today I walked into the class, had the class for 45 minutes and managed to burn about 1,000 without the added hour before. So was it the heat? Probably not. Sweat doesn’t include calories (I don’t think), but it did make me work a little harder and I felt stronger the more I perspired.

So I am a NON-FAN person. I like it hot. And sweaty. And drippy. Gimme the hot side of the room, thank you very much. And if you’re ever spinning in my class you may want to sit a few bikes over. I sweat a lot and I’m not gonna apologize about it.

Here’s a good spin mix if you’re in the mood…

For more good music…visit my music blog…Music Makes The World Go Round!

My Son’s Stuff

I’m pretty sure he kept those straws…

I love my son and his room is always an adventure. Some days it’s a mess. Some days it’s not so bad. And there are stories to be had in all of his toys and pictures that litter his dresser. So I thought…why not document it before he decides to clear out everything and start from scratch (like that would EVER happen?)? So I am. And here it is…

The dresser

1. Marvin Lewis & Dhani Jones signed footballs

2. Yoda

3. The Babe & Christopher & his buddy, Noah, at Great American Ball Park

4.Grandma’s Piggy Bank & a UC Bearcats Ring

5.  Bengals signed football and a Super Bowl XLII football

6. Family photo from North Carolina & Dinosaur bobblehead

7. Multiple trophies for football & basketball

8. Football photo and a Super Bowl XLIII football

9. Scarecrow picture

10. 8th Birthday picture & cousin Erik

I don’t know why…but I just think Christopher’s room is pretty cool…

Spinning My Wheels: Chatty Kathy, Clip Your String!

My view this morning…

This week I’ve been back on the bike. 4 days off with no kids in the house and it’s given me the opportunity to at least make an effort to get back into a little bit of shape (preferably one that’s not oval). So of course my workout regimen includes the bike and I’ve learned something the last 2 days that I never noticed before…spin instructors are long-winded.

I realize sometimes they need to be. Especially when there are talkers in the back row (helloooooo? Shut up!). But seriously…do I need a 20 minute dissertation when it comes to spinning? If you’re an instructor and you need to launch into a 10 minute detailed instruction on what we’re gonna do next…there may be a problem.

For example…today. Love my instructor, she’s great! But today she had to physically get off her bike to explain to us what we were gonna be doing. Trust me, if it’s THAT detailed, I’m not listening. I get enough long-winded conversation at home or at work. I go to the gym to work out, not listen to a teaching manual. Just tell me when to add resistance or when to assume position #2 (and it’s not what you think…pervert), I don’t care if we’re gonna add a half turn ever 15 seconds and then do quick jumps coupled with fast bursts for 8 seconds and then we’ll go fast downhill for 2 minutes but then we’re gonna go back up the hill for another 15 minutes and then…

What!?! What are you talking about!?!

Just spin! Thats all I wanna do. You can fill me in on the details as we go. Because frankly, just dragging my fat ass into this class was more than enough spent energy for one morning. All the rest is cake! Well…not really cake. I’m burning calories here, not adding them. And I’m certainly not here to burn brain cells either so let’s stop yapping and get moving ’cause I got stuff to do. Like blogging. And stuff…

Oh…and thanks for your time!

Here’s MY personal mix for today’s spin. Maybe I shoulda just thrown it on and not listened to anything else? What do you think? Don’t tell me I don’t give ya nuthin’…

WARM-UP

1. Maroon 5 – “Never Gonna Leave This Bed”

GET TO IT

2. Cee Lo Green – “Forget You”

3. 2Pac – “All About You”

4. The Weepies – How Do You Get High?”

5. Modest Mouse – “Dashboard”

6. M.I.A. – “URAQT”

7. Trey Songz – “Say Aah”

8. Keane – “Is It Any Wonder?”

9. Angels & Airwaves – “Everything’s Magic”

10. Anberlin – “Impossible”

11. Big Boi – “Daddy Fat Sax”

COOLDOWN

12. Ne-Yo – “So Sick”

13. Iration – “Time Bomb”

Spinning My Wheels: @#$^@!…196.7…!*@&#%???

Stick a pint of Graeter’s in there and you got me pretty much every night…

So I went spinning today for the first time in over 3 weeks. I have been very busy working and haven’t had time to go. And I have admittedly been bad about getting my butt to the hotel gym also. When I’ve been working 2 games a day and traveling and getting up at odd hours and working until odd hours, it tends to sap my energy to go workout. And that is the excuse I’m sticking with.

Then today I went and stood on the scale. So can I tell you that at one point last summer, I was feelin’ all good about myself and got my weight down from 201 to 189! I was very proud of myself…eating salads, spinning, lifting weights, doing all the good stuff. And then football season hit and I went back up to 192. Not terrible. Then the holidays hit and I went up to 194.5. Then we roll into basketball tournament time and now I’m up to 196.7?!? Holy motherf$#%^ crap!!!

Needless to say, I am NOT happy with myself. This is gonna stop right here. I have GOT to start watching what I eat. In the past 2 weeks alone, I have had endless pizza, a couple of buffets, Graeters Ice Cream before bed, Skyline chili, mexican, indian, you name it. AND I sit on my butt all day and eat snacks and candy! It’s TERRIBLE!

So today was my wake up call. Gonna start hittin’ the weights again and going to the gym on as much of a regular basis as I can. Wish me luck everyone! But I do have ONE word of advice for my spin instructor who picked out the music for today…

“It’s Raining Men” is NOT gonna make me move any faster!!! Dammit…

Spinning My Wheels: Stop YELLING At Me!

First off, I am making “Spinning My Wheels” a new category because, quite frankly, I come up wth a lot of blog ideas when I spin…so it’s only fair that I give my exercise routine (if that’s what you want to call it) an even break. I’m not always gonna blog about how well I do (875 calories burned today? I think my heart-rate thingie has got to be broken…) or what kind of shape I’m in (not good. Gained 5 pounds this winter so far. GAH!). But I will blog about things that happen during my spin and my instructors and the music they play and HOW LOUD THEY ARE!

Oh…I know…it’s all about GETTING ME GEARED UP FOR THE RIDE! You know…DON’T WANT ANYBODY SLACKING OFF! So today is NOT MY…oops…sorry…

So today is not my normal spin day. Usually I go on Tuesday & Thursday. But yesterday Steph had a meeting and I kinda forgot about it…so I decided I would go today. No big deal…right? So my instructor today is a yeller. I’ve been in her class before…but it’s been a while. So imagine my surprise when she STARTS YELLING AT EVERYONE IN THE ROOM! C’MON!!! PUSH YOURSELF!!! YOU GUYS SUCK!!! YOU ARE WEAK, LITTLE PEOPLE WITH NO BACKBONE!!! PUT YOUR GLUTS INTO IT!!! RIDE, RIDE, RIDE!!! DAMN YOU SONS A BITCHES!!! GET OFF YOUR FUC%$#ING ASSES AND POUND THAT PAVEMENT!!!!

Ok…maybe it wasn’t THAT obnoxious. But it was starting to get on my nerves already! And then she has Elvis and 2 George Thorogood songs in her mix? Now, don’t get me wrong…I like Elvis & George. Nothing wrong with either of them. But not for spinning. That being said, I also don’t like hearing Britney or Lynyrd Skynyrd when I spin either! Gimme something a little less obnoxious (Britney) and something a little newer (Skynyrd) and I’ll bust my ass for ya. But, just so ya know, ANYTHING from the 60′s is out for me. On Tuesday the instructor played “Leader Of The Pack”. Really? Because there are 4 decades of music out there that I could have played that would have motivated me better than THAT crappy song.

Oh well.

So she’s barking and yelling and I think I might have peed myself one time when she was walking around the room and she snuck up behind me a decided to yell right as she walked past me. It’s all very disconcerting and somewhat scary. I’m not used to having someone yelling at me! Well…unless it’s over headsets and we’re 3 seconds from going on air and I can’t get the lineups to work. Yeah…that always sucks…

So…as of right now, I am WIDE awake and ready to start my day! I burned off 2 meals already and I’m all set to tackle a room full of 6-year olds hyped up on Valentine’s Day candy & treats!

Hmmmm…maybe my instructor didn’t do such a bad job after all. I’m thinking Friday’s might just have to be added to my spinning routine…

Spinning My Wheels: 1.5 Months, 5 Pounds & 1 Gadget

Yep…that’s pretty much what I ate!

The holidays are always difficult when trying to lose weight. With Thinksgiving and Christmas and my birthday and my wife’s birthday…there was ample opportunities for me to eat. So I did. And it showed! I gained 5 pounds back from the 10 or so that I originally lost. So its back to eating salads and spinning for me. And that’s a good thing. And for Christmas Santa brought me a heart rate monitor to wear while spinning…which is great! So today I went to the gym, hopped on my bike and managed to get my heart rate up to 98% and lost  657 calories.

Of course…it wasn’t until AFTER the fact that my instructor informs me that I shouldn’t have let my heart rate get over 92%. Whatever THAT means. I thought I was supposed to go as hard as I can for 40 minutes? Who is making up the “spinning rules”? And why didn’t I get a copy of the handbook?

I have 4 months before swim season and have to lose some poundage…don’t give me this “only go to 92%” baloney! But I have missed my twice weekly regimen of spinning and look forward to getting back to it as soon as I get past this month. So for now, it’s whenever I can get there and use the hotel gyms. Oh…and drink lots of water and walk as much as possible. Any other words of encouragement would be great! Thanks!

-Alan

Not me but it feels like it…

Spinning My Wheels: Instructor Irritation

Trust me when I tell you…THIS is NOT my instructor!

I’ve been spinning now since the middle of the summer and have gotten used to going about twice a week. As I’ve gone along, I’ve found that I have some pet peeves about the women (as I have yet to have a male instructor) who are my instructors. Not that these are really any of their own faults. It’s just that some of the things they do drive me a little nuts. If you’ve never been spinning, it’s basically stationary bike riding except you have someone leading you who tells you when to adjust the speed and the amount of hill adjustment of your bike. On your bike there is a knob that you turn to adjust the hill (turning it makes it harder or easier to pedal). From there, it’s just a matter of cranking your legs! But that isn’t all there is. Here are MY personal instructor pet peeves…

1. The music is ESSENTIAL. If you’ve been reading my blog, you KNOW I love music! So when I hear 3 Nickelback songs in 45 minutes, I wanna pull my hair out! Or a slow song while I’m trying to ride up a big hill? C’MON! I need some ROCK to get me over that hump dammit! Today’s mix? Freefallin’ (decent start), Stairway To Heavan (too long), Some kind of AC/DC-Bon Jovi dance mix (which sucked), a rap song I didn’t know, 2 Motley Crue songs, Evanescence and Fergie to wind it up. Yeeeech…TERRIBLE mix! Here’s my IPod…put it on random and you’ll get a better mix than THAT!
2. Don’t go yelling at me to CRANK THE KNOB and then you don’t do it also! It pisses me off having someone telling me to go faster up a hill and they are just spinning along like they’re going downhill. If you’re gonna make me do it, then you gotta do it. It should be in the instructor handbook!
3. Tell me what we’re doing. Don’t surprise me by saying we’re gonna be riding on a flat for 2 minutes and then 30 seconds later we’re cranking up another hill or doing “jumps” (when you leave your seat to pedal). I HATE that! I want to know what the hell I’m doing at least 5 seconds before we do it.
4. Oh yeah…I HATE 2 second jumps. They are stupid and I get nothing out of them except for a sore ass.

And that’s it. Just a few minor irritations. Nothing that can’t be fixed! Thanks!

2 Topics For The Price Of 1: I Hate It/Spinning My Wheels…Intervals

I know, I know…I said I wasn’t gonna write about spinning anymore, but something happened to me today that I had to write about because…well…it’s the way I am. Plus you get a 2-for-1 deal…so shut it and enjoy!

So today I went spinning. Typical Thursday. On Thursday the instructor is my friend Lori and usually with Lori spinning can be fun and challenging at the same time. She usually plays music I like to work out too (except for that damn Pussycat Dolls song which freakin’ SUCKS!) and I get a good sweat out of it.

This morning I hopped on the bike, not really feeling my best but ready to give it a go. Lori arrived and announced that today was gonna be intervals. I hate intervals. Strike one. Then we get moving. Going pretty good until the Pussycat Dolls song came on and I don’t know if I added too much road or what (when you want the bike to be a little more difficult to pedal it’s called adding road) but my legs got tired really fast.

In the past, I’ve blogged about “The Wall“. I’ve been fairly lucky with dealing with this obstacle. I am pretty good about seeing it and pushing past it. But today I don’t know where it came from but I must have not been looking because as I was pedaling faster (as I was being told), ”The Wall” walked up and smacked me upside the head with a 2×4. Didn’t see it coming at all. Just pedaling away and then BAM! I was done. And we were only 15 minutes into the class!

So then I had to pedal on…grinding away as Lori is yelling “Faster! Keep going FASTER!” and the music just wasn’t moving me and I started getting even more tired.  Then I got disgusted with myself and even though I kept going…I had quit in my head.

By the end of the class I was all pissed off at myself. I should have eaten something prior to going to class. Apparently a cup of coffee wasn’t the best breakfast for an intervals class! So now I know…and next time (next Tuesday) I’ll have to come better prepared. So today I’m tired and bitter and not feeling my best. And I have a work to get done and a concert to go to. Hopefully I can get out of this rut I’m in today. I figure a couple of beers and Kid Rock should help it…but it ain’t gonna help my gut…that’s for sure! 

Spinning My Wheels: The First Drop

This will be the last of my “Spinning My Wheels” series. First off, not everyone wants to hear about spinning and it’s becoming a good routine for me now, so you know it and that’s enough of that. Secondly, there’s only so much good material I can get out of sitting on a stationary bike and spinning in place for an hour…so you see where I’m going with this. Anyway, I’m gonna squeeze one more story out of this whole experience and it is the most important one for anyone out there who is about to embark on an exercise program or is making an attempt to better themselves in any way. It’s my way of “Pumping You Up”!

I don’t know a lot of things. I’ll be the first to admit that. Yes, I did graduate from high school and college. Yes, I have had a job a majority of my adult life. Yes, I have managed to succeed at what I do. Yes, I do have a pretty good life. But the one thing that has often eluded me is my ability to get past “the wall”.

The thing about working out is that it’s entirely up to me to do what is right for me. I’ve never liked jogging because it hurts my knees. So I don’t jog. I’ve never enjoyed weightlifting because it makes my joints sore for days (which is bad when you have to type for a living!). So I do very little weightlifting. But I’ve found something in spinning that I never thought I would find in any other sport besides basketball…a will to do the best I can.

When I’m spinning, I have to take it one wheel turn at a time. Like I’ve mentioned in past writings…it’s not necessarily difficult, but it takes a bit of mental work to add weight on and to keep my legs moving. And really that’s all that I can do. No one is sitting there telling me what to do. No one is there to bark at me from the sidelines or to slap me on the butt and tell me to keep on movin’. It’s all on me!

I hate the wall. It comes at me at high speed and I see it from a distance. Usually, in the past, I would slow down and turn around. I don’t like the wall. But my perspective is changing on how to deal with that situation. I see it, but I close my eyes and think of something positive and then I look down. The first step I have for getting past that wall is a single bead of sweat. It takes me about 8 minutes to work up a good sweat when spinning. I hear the music. I get into a groove. And then it builds and I feel my body getting hot. The best way to get past that wall is to watch the first drop of sweat hit the floor. The second that happens, I know it’s gonna be all good. And I know I can get it done! Just like that…I’m past the wall and moving ahead.

I don’t know what you are trying to accomplish. Maybe you are trying to lose weight. Maybe you are trying for a new job. Maybe trying to quit smoking. Maybe you are a stay at home parent trying to get past the yelling and screaming and needy children. Whatever your situation, look at it from this perspetive…the more sweat that hits the ground, the better off you’ll feel once you get past that wall. And make no mistake…every situation has it’s version of “the wall”. You can stop and turn around, or you can face it and press on. There’s really no other option.

I know because I am trying to get past it every day! Trust me…if I can do it…so can you. Good luck! And remember to watch for that first drop. It’s all downhill after that! 

Top 10 Reasons I Like Spinning

For the last few weeks, I’ve been going to a spinning class a couple times a week. I started out hating it. Now I am looking forward to it everytime I go. Why is that? Well…here are the Top 10 reasons why…

10. It’s not jogging.
I HATE jogging. It’s boring and it hurts my knees. Plus, I’m all by myself. I’ve always been more of a competitive person. So to not have someone there pushing me does’t help me one bit.

9. The music.
It’s fun to hear the mixes that the trainers put together. On one hand, I have my friend, Lori, who puts together a pretty good alt/pop mix. On the other hand, I have a trainer who likes all classic rock and Billy Joel (his greatest hits was on Tuesday! Which is fine until “Only A Woman” comes on in the middle of a hill. That sucked…).

8. I get alone time…without being alone.
I have liked all the people I’ve met so far in my classes that I attend and everyone is friendly and supportive. But once we start spinning, it’s me all by myself.

7. It gives me time to think.
I can’t tell you how many thoughts I have interrupted by the phone ringing or the kids crying or the dog whimpering. It’s very hard to concentrate on anything at home and with spinning I can formulate a gameplan in my head (or come up with new ideas for blogs! Like this one!).

6. It really makes me sweat!
Once it’s over, you would have sworn I just ran 4 miles! I haven’t figured out how many calories I burn per class, but I’m thinking after my workout today I got rid of the 2 slices of pizza and a beer that I had for dinner last night (Bad Alan! Bad!).

5. It doesn’t take up too much of my day.
I’m a father of 2 and work a lot, so it is imparative that whatever workout plan I eventually settle into (and I want to start mixing in some strength exercises here soon), it has to be an hour or so. I don’t have time to spend 2  or 3 hours at the gym. So spinning is perfect for me!

4. It ain’t really all that hard.
Do I sweat buckets? Yes. Do my legs ache a little after? Yes. But once it’s over, I feel rejuvanated! I’m not saying it isn’t hard because there is a mental hill that you need to get over at times, but in comparison to some of the workouts that I have tried to endure, this one seems more built for me. There isn’t as much pain that comes after I do it.

3. The women are hot…and sweaty!
Doesn’t matter the ages, all of the women in my classes are hot! Even the older women are in great shape and that keeps me motivated! Don’t want to look like a…uh…wuss in front of all these women, now do I?

2. My wife respects what I am trying to do.
Steph is not a spinner. She likes weights. However she sees me working on making myself better and she appreciates that.

1. I respect what I am trying to do.
I let myself go for too long and all it got me was a bad back and a big belly. It was time to do something about it. And now that my kids don’t need constant attention 24 hours a day, it is a little easier to slip out of the house for an hour, get a good workout in, and then get back to daddy mode without them feeling neglected. I am feeling much better about myself…and that is what it is all about!

Spinning My Wheels: Part III (Cussing Class)

You can shove this bike up your A@#!!! You motherf&%^%#!!! I LOVE IT!!!

Today was my 3rd spinning class. No, I’m not going to continue blogging about each class. That would be torture for you and reliving something I’d rather not relive for me! However I’m finding things out and getting ideas and so I like to put them down on…computer?

So I’ve been spinning. Doing pretty good. Sweating a lot. I went to a class today that was not being instructed by my friend, Lori. So there was a little added pressure there. Not knowing the instructor puts me at a disadvantage. I don’t want them to look at me like some slouch, so I hit it pretty hard, considering it was only my 3rd class (have I mentioned that enough already? Good!). About 35 minutes in my body decides it’s had enough. It wants me to slow down or get off the bike. I disagreed with it, so it let me have it. My breathing became erratic, my legs started aching, my shoulders started to hurt. All I wanted to do was swear like a sailor and keep pushing myself, but I’m not allowed.

I work in the television industry. 2 things you need to know about that…anyone who does what I do for a living is a work whore. I would drive 6 hours and work for 20 hours straight if I knew I could make good bank. The 2nd thing is…I can cuss like no one you’ve ever heard. It’s a part of the industry! I think I might have even taken a class at Ohio U. that involved how to say motherf&*#^$ without offending anyone. I cuss so much at work because I always have. Is it okay? Probably not. But I’m not the only one doing it, so it has never been a problem.

I also cuss a lot whenever I play sports. I cuss at myself mostly, but I have been known to talk a little smack from time to time. So when I am working my ass off trying to get through a little pain on a stationary bike, I want to cuss! And I want to do it out loud! I don’t want to whisper under my breath or think about cussing…I want to scream at the instructor! I want to call him/her a bastard and tell him where he/she can shove that extra boost that he/she keeps screaming at me for. And then afterwards I want to go shake his/her hand and say thank you for a wonderful spin.

So seriously, if I’m gonna keep doing this, I have to find some way to release all of these naughty words that my mother would find so offensive. It’s just something I gotta do! Maybe I can start my own class…Spinning With Smack? I bet there is a class like that somewhere! Now…we have to get one here in Kentucky. Hmmmm…

Spinning My Wheels: Part II (A Letter To My Brother)

So this morning was the 2nd time that I’ve been spinning this week and I went with what knowledge I had from Thursday. I went yesterday and picked up some biking shorts that had padding in the crotch (which basically amounts to me wearing an ultra thick maxi-pad…not that I would know what that feels like but I am assuming here…), bought some new athletic shoes (not the strictly spinning shoes with the clip though. Too expensive for my tastes) and I got a water bottle. So I was all set when I got up and headed out the door this morning.

Got to the gym about a half hour early and went up to the basketball courts to shoot around for a little warm-up. Thought working up a sweat would benefit me before the class! But both courts were already full with guys playing fullcourt hoops. I started stretching and was feeling all ready to go spin when a guy asked me if I wanted to play the next game.

Now I don’t know how well you know me…but I love to play basketball. I always have. And having this back pain and not being active for so long I have been DYING to be competitive again. I crave it. I want to play again! So when this guy came up and asked me, I would have 9 times out of 10 said “HELL YEAH!” and completely forgotten about hopping on a bike that goes nowhere. But I didn’t. I have an agenda here, and that is 2 things…get back in shape and get my brother to quit smoking. Once I get back in shape, get some core muscles in place to help my back stay in place and I’m able to get up and down the court without lagging behind, I will definately get back on the court. But until then, I’m not gonna make a fool out of myself. I have a lot of work to do before I get back in there.

And as for my brother smoking…I have only one thing to say to him. For anyone who might be sensitive to very abrasive writing and who might be offended, I suggest you skip to the bold text in the paragraph following this one because I have something to say to my brother and it ain’t nice…

Dear Frank…I am WORKING MY MOTHERF&*@#^ ASS OFF GOING TO THE F&#@^# GYM AND EATING RABBIT FOOD FOR THE PAST WEEK TRYING TO LOSE 10 POUNDS IN 3 MOTHERF^$%@^ WEEKS. IF I DO THIS AND YOU DON’T STOP SMOKING THOSE G*$^#DAMN MOTHERF&(#()@#*#&$ CANCER STICKS SO HELP ME GOD I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND PLANT YOUR MOTHER^#*#$@ HEAD IN THOSE DAMN STRAWBERRY PLANTS YOU ARE SO DAMN PROUD OF AND KICK YOU IN THE ASS UNTIL MY FOOT GETS STUCK! YOU MOTHERF*#&^#$@)( ASSHOLE!!!!

P.S. I love you.

Okay…Got that out of my system. So I’ll be going for more spinning next week. Right now I have to go eat some yogurt and…I don’t know…carrots or something ’cause I’m hungry. Maybe drink some water…have a peanut. Ugh…this sucks. But on the flip side…I did 200 situps and never once stopped spinning in the entire 45 minute class! Something to be proud of, I think! So I’ll keep plugging away! And I’m sure I’ll keep filling you in on how awful it is…when actually it might be the best thing I’ve ever done for myself…

Guess we’ll see!

Spinning My Wheels

You Will Do As I Command…

I remember when I was 16 and loved riding my bike. I would bike from my house to my high school to play basketball in the summer. Then I would bike back home (about 5 miles) and then bike back that night to play basketball again at the town square. It was always fun to ride through the country hills and smell the fresh cut grass and feel the summer heat. Well, this morning I tried to get back on that bike. Actually…it was a stationary bike…and there wasn’t any cut grass to smell. But there WAS a heat…and I was sweating like the old man that I am.

Let’s get this straight…I probably wouldn’t be trying my hand at spinning if it weren’t for two things. One…my wife’s friend Lori is the “leader” of the class. And secondly…I need to lose weight. Fast. And I figured this will be the best thing for me. I hate jogging. I have no initiative to do it myself, so I thought a little 45 minute session of spinning would help me out!

Today was my first day…and I hated it. No…let me rephrase that, because I didn’t HATE it. I just didn’t enjoy myself…and that’s MY fault. Actually the class itself was an awesome workout! My legs worked harder today than they have in a couple of years and I must have sweated about 2 buckets full. And the people there were very nice and very supportive (one guy even came up and told me I did a great job!). The fact of the matter is, I’m way out of shape. And so that’s why I hated it. It made me see what a slob I’ve become.

So three things I have to do in order to make this experience better…

1. Buy the right shoes. Apparently they have clips on the bottom that will keep my feet in place on the pedal.
2. Buy a water bottle. I started cramping around 35 minutes into the class. That’s never good! Gotta keep hydrated!
3. Buy me a padded butt. Because apparently mine ain’t big enough. Seriously, if I don’t get the worse case of hemorroids I’ve ever had after maybe 3 classes, I’ll be surprised! So I guess they have these padded workout shorts you can buy. I’m DEFINATELY investing there…

So today was definately an eye-awakening experience. I have a long way to go but I feel confident that I can get this old body back in shape. Just takes a little time and effort. And besides, I doubt Lori or my wife are gonna let me quit THAT easily…

One woman I can possibly handle…but 2 riding my ass is waaaaay out of my league!