Life Lessons

It’s an early summer afternoon baseball game. Nothing out of the ordinary at first. In the first inning, the Bulldogs batted and didn’t manage to get a run across home plate. In the bottom half of the inning, the Ignite squad put 9 runs on the board. So…out of the gate, our team is down 9 runs.

Time to pack it up, right?

Well…not this day! The Bulldogs scrapped back, scoring 3 runs in the 2nd inning. Then allowing a run. Then hammering in 6 runs to cut the lead to 1. Then the Ignite scored 2 more runs in the bottom of the 5th. In the top of the 6th inning, the Bulldogs had opportunities but the Ignite made some good plays, stopping the Dawgs run and ending the game with a 12-11 score.

So the Bulldogs lost. Just another game among what seems like hundreds of games, right? Well…that might be true but there was something different about this game for our kids. To say it has been a rough season would be an understatement. There have been growing pains, getting used to playing together, getting used to the coaches. So this team has only managed to win 3 games this summer. This game was different because, despite the big deficit, they fought back. They worked hard. They were patient at the plate and took good swings. They worked hard on defense, making some game-changing plays in the field that swayed the game into their favor. And despite all of this, they still lost. But there was a lesson to be learned in this particular loss.

The lesson is this…you can’t win EVERY game. It’s not expected and a win is certainly not a given, no matter how good you think you are. You will get beaten and, in some cases, it won’t be pretty. It will be an assault on your ego. It will make you unsure and it will bruise your confidence. But the fact of the matter is, you are defined by how you react AFTER something like this happens. If you have a bad game, the best thing you can do is look past it and work harder. The easy thing to do would be to throw your hands up and accept it. On this day, these 12 boys didn’t do that. They worked hard and they battled back. 9 runs down out of the gate and they didn’t quit. As a parent, that’s really the lesson that you hope they learn from playing ANY sport. Don’t give up and good things happen. Stand up straight, put on your glove and finish the game. Sometimes the spectacular comeback win doesn’t happen. Sometimes you don’t hit the grand slam home run that could’ve won the game. Sometimes, you get a 3-run RBI, sometimes you strikeout. But either way, if you fight hard and comeback against great odds, THAT says something about you and last night, we learned a lot about our boys and our team.

Yesterday our Bulldogs lost a great game against a strong opponent. Of all of the losses this season, despite the fact that the scoreboard had us on the losing end, this one was a win. On this night, our boys stood up straight, put on their gloves and went to work. And I couldn’t have been prouder of all of them.

Denver Bound

Losing a friend is always difficult. Losing 6 is next to excruciating and this week, our family lost 6 of our dearest friends to Denver, Colorado. My best bud Shayne took a job that relocated he and his family to the mountain time zone this week and we are already feeling the repercussions of the hole that they have left. No longer will our kids be able to play together at any given time. I won’t have the luxury of having a great friend in my backyard to sit and have a cold brew with. No longer will we have our summer filled with cookouts and sharing a laugh or 5. The empty house that they have left has also left a hole in our hearts and I think I can speak for my entire family when I say that they will be missed dearly. Despite the fact that their oldest was a grade behind Christopher, he and Anthony are best buds and the younger siblings were ALWAYS welcome to come over and have a popsicle or a juice box (or in Izzie’s case…maybe some fruit, or a sandwich, or maybe some pizza…).

To tell some of the stories would take to long however I will shorten them by simply stating a few good ones…Las Vegas, going canoeing, the 25th class reunion, the anniversary bus, karaoke, football games, sledding in the snow, playing basketball in the backyard and chatting over the fence. No one else will understand but our families always will and we will always remember those times and many more.

We will miss them all dearly and we can only hope that they are accepted in Denver with open arms. At the same time, we want them to know that they will be missed here and if they ever return, we’d love to see them move right back to our little neighborhood so that we can pick up right where we left off. Best of luck in Denver to the Estrada clan! However I gotta tell you…on a selfish level…I hope they hate it and come rushing right back to where they belong…

 

 

 

HAD to put this one in there…LOL

A Very Special Mother’s Day Gift…

What would life be like without our Moms? It doesn’t matter really if your mother is with you or not, there is always a piece of her inside of who you are. In my case, my mother was instrumental in me becoming the man I am today. She gave me a great life and I hope that she understands how much she means to me. The mother of my children, my wife and partner, is also a very important cog in my life. She has been a terrific mother for our 2 children and has managed to teach me a thing or two about life and how to live it. I can’t imagine being with someone who is a better mother, friend and partner than she is.

Here is a little video I put together for her. Time has just flown by over the last 11 years and I wish there were a way to slow it down. So many times I return home from a road trip and find that my kids are a little more grown up than they were when I left. The clock manages to continue to tick away when I’m gone and there are moments that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever. Here are a few that I managed to capture to keep and now I can share with you again.

Thank you for being such a great mother for our kids Stephanie! I love you…and I know they love you more than anything in the world!

Your Husband

For The Ol’ Opera House…

When it comes to movie houses, there is only one that I consider an important historical site. I grew up in the small town of McConnelsville, OH. Like most small towns, McConnelsville doesn’t have a giant multiplex that shows 25 movies with IMAX screens and 3D. What it DOES have is an opera house that has been around since 1892. And a film projector that has been installed since the 1930′s. Aaaannnnd apparently it might also have a ghost or two but THAT is a story for a different day…

The Opera House has always been dear to my heart. Growing up in such a small town, I spent many days running around that town square and, when I wasn’t hanging out at the video arcade on the corner, I was drinking Mr. Pibb & eating popcorn for a quarter at the old Opera House. Who can imagine how many movies I saw there. One of the movies that sticks in my head was a “holiday” film that was screened after the Christmas parade called “Santa Clause Conquers The Martians.” Originally released in 1964, this ridiculous film was about as weird as it sounds but for whatever reason, I remember seeing it in that old theater. I also saw “ET,” “Star Wars,” and hundreds of other movies including a little movie called “Tarzan, The Ape Man” that starred Bo Derek in 1981 and had considerably more nudity in it than my Mom thought I should be seeing at my age (13).

Hmmm…wonder what’s in there?

Anyway…ahem…so…where was I? Oh yeah…the Opera House. Okay…so flash forward to 2013. Apparently Hollywood is shutting down the film industry. No, no…they’re not NOT making movies anymore. They are literally not using film anymore. The days of actually using 35MM film is almost over and old movie houses across the country are being forced to update or else they won’t be able to show movies anymore (well…except for old films like “Santa Clause Conquers The Martians”…which IS a classic). So here’s where YOU come in. I’m looking for a little effort to keep this awesome movie house open for this community which deserves to have it keep its doors open.

It’s not a toaster…it’s a projector!

If you are a fan of history and have a place in your heart for the past, I am asking that you take a moment and donate for the cause of this amazing establishment. Trust me when I tell you it’s worthy of a few of your dollars. It’s a testament to our times that places like this are closing their doors at an alarming rate. It’s important that the history of our country is preserved in more ways than just museums and mausoleums. A place like the Twin City Opera House stands as an open door to our past. It showcases what we were and how far we’ve come. Granted, if I had MY way, it would show old 35MM films for the rest of time but, in some cases, the future dictates what we have to do and moving forward in this case isn’t the worst thing that could happen. This is a great opportunity to benefit a caring community and help keep a showcase of its past open to the public.

Here is the link. Please donate and if you are ever in southeast Ohio, you should stop by and visit the ol’ Opera House. It’s worth the trip. And then swing over to the Blue Bell Restaurant. They used to have great ice cream. Of course, that was 30 years ago but hey…some things never change!

The theater lobby

How Do We Make It Stop?

A couple of days ago, bombs were detonated at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing 3 and injuring over 180 others. There have been many questions asked about this and other domestic attacks on innocent people. The masses want to know who, what, when, where & why. In this, the day & age of information and easy access, everyone demands to know…HOW can this happen?

The easy answer is…no one knows. Obviously there are psychological issues going on here. Despite whatever reason the killer or bomber give, there are ALWAYS psychological issues. In THEIR minds, they have a cause. But think about it…how easy is it to have a thought so psychologically disturbing that you immediately push it to the dark recesses of your mind, hoping to never think that thought again? And the thought you had? You’re not the only person thinking it. You just happen to know how to deal with it. But there are some people out there who watch a movie, or see a television show, or who have internet access who have seen things that are so disturbing, so provocative and then they are abused or molested or mistreated in some form and so…they have a thought. It starts as a seed but then it grows and before you know it, a young man is walking into an elementary school with enough gun power to start a small war or bombs are planted inside a building housing hundreds of normal, everyday people who are simply going to work. And this doesn’t just happen in America. This happens everywhere. The idea of TERRORISM is to scare us, to make us uneasy, to disrupt our lives, making it difficult for us to even want to leave our homes.

I can’t even begin to imagine what a family who has suffered through the loss of one of their children must be dealing with. I can’t begin to imagine what a community must go through to pick up the pieces of a mass killing at a local movie theater. I can’t begin to wonder how a community can put on its shoes and begin shifting through the rubble of a destroyed building, finding cell phones and filing cabinets and body parts scattered all over the street. These things I pray I will never have to endure. But people do and then they are hurt and angry and confused. But then you know what happens? Life goes on. And even though the memory of the deceased NEVER go away, we have no choice but to move forward.

But we want to know…why? Why would someone do such a horrible thing? So we wait while hundreds put the pieces together and find whoever caused such despair and then we want action. We want that person brought to justice. We want something to happen to make the pain stop but it doesn’t. Even after the criminal is caught or kills himself or gives himself up, the pain never really goes away. But we NEED to know WHY?

Here’s a thought…we will NEVER truly know why. Here’s another thought…we don’t really WANT to know WHY. Because to truly understand WHY would mean we could be that dark also. The horrific thoughts that our brain has the capability to process and then hide away would be brought to light and we don’t REALLY want that. It’s not who we are. We may have terrible thoughts but we would never act on them. But there are some who just can’t push those thoughts aside. There are some who are willing to build a bomb in their basement, willing to load automatic weapons, fly planes into buildings, send drones into helpless communities, push a big red button. There are those who do not care one way or another how their actions affect the lives of others. They don’t care about the children the kill. They don’t care about the lives they affect. They don’t care about the repercussions of their actions. In MY opinion, all they want are attention. And so…with that…I give you MY solution to all of this. How do we make it stop?

Stop the presses.

Stop the media coverage.

Stop pasting the faces of the killers all over the newspapers and television shows and the internet.

When the asshole (or assholes) who detonated the bombs in Boston are captured, give them their trial. Once they are tried and found guilty, I say we throw them in a prison, lock the door and throw away the key. Literally drop the key into a grate and forget they’re there. No food, no windows, no contact with the outside world. And that would be that. Is it barbaric? I don’t know…no more barbaric than what they have done. No more barbaric than electrocuting them or injecting their bodies with a drug that will allow them to die peacefully. And it wouldn’t cost us anything. And once they’ve passed, burn their bodies and that would be that. But here’s the catch…the only ones that are allowed to see the face or faces of the people who did this are the ones whose lives have been turned upside down. Only the families of Martin Richard, the 8-year old who was killed in the Boston bombing, and the other 2 families of the deceased should be allowed to see the killer’s face. As a public forum, I believe all we need to know is that the killer has been brought to justice and then leave it be. Because, by pasting the picture of the Adam Lanza’s of the world all over every media outlet in the world, we are enabling other idiots who have similar thoughts.

Want to be famous? Make a statement? Teach others how TERRIBLE you can be? Kill others and become famous. Your face will forever be remembered by millions and then you will live forever!

Think I’m wrong? I can guarantee you this thought is one that EVERY mass murderer has had. It’s in our DNA to WANT to be accepted. We WANT to be famous. Just turn on your tv and you see it everywhere! Everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame! Whether it’s getting hit in the face with a pie, singing karaoke on one of the gazillion musical tryouts posing as entertainment or even scoring your own 23 minute show by being a redneck, we ALL want to be famous! So…what better way to get attention quickly than by killing the innocent?

Obviously there are more psychological issues to it than that but at the root of it, I believe the need to be important drives ALL of these mass killings. Whether it’s al Qaeda, Jimmy Hoffa, or Timothy McVeigh, it’s all about attention.

I say we don’t give it to them.

Turn off the televisions. Stop posting the pictures. Once they’ve been tried, throw them in a dark room and call it a day. If anything, this will serve as a warning to anyone else having the thought of killing someone that it doesn’t matter what you do or how many you kill, you will NOT be immortalized. Whoever set off the bombs in downtown Boston should never be seen again. Once the FBI and the CIA and the local police departments corner the coward who decided it was a good idea to do such a horrific thing, they should be tried and then, upon the vote of a jury, if found guilty, they should be left to rot without a roar but with a whimper.

Will this stop it from happening again? I don’t know. But it might cause someone who has a horrible idea to pause and consider their actions. You WON’T be famous. You WON’T be immortalized. You WILL disappear without a trace. And we, as a society, as a community, as a united body, will move forward. We will deal with the grief and the pain. We will deal with the anger and the confusion. But we will move forward and eventually, we will forget you and remember only those that died because of you.

It’s maybe not a perfect plan, I admit…but it’s better than what we’re doing at this point. Well…at least it is in my opinion. And that and a nickel will get you very little these days…

ADDITIONAL THOUGHT: After taking a few moments to consider this post, I had another thought. Maybe, instead of posting pictures of the killers, we post photos of those that were killed in their wake. In this way, we will always remember those innocents who were killed in senseless acts of terror. To honor this idea, here are a few of those that I wish to remember on this day…

MAY THEY NEVER BE FORGOTTEN

The Explicit Version

Hopefully NOT listening to Lil Wayne.

I post a lot of things on here that involve my kids. Obviously, right now, they are the most important things going on in my life and to be perfectly honest…trying to raise kids these days is becoming more & more difficult. Take for example…today. My son texts me that he accidentally downloaded an explicit version of a song by rapper Lil Wayne. For those of you who don’t know who Lil Wayne is, let me give you an example of his lyrics…

Uh…

Hang on…

Well…

Ok…on SECOND thought…I don’t think I CAN post any of his lyrics because quite frankly…they’re all pretty crude and I don’t want to even bother trying to edit this stuff down.

So let’s just say that Lil Wayne has some pretty x-rated lyrics that are NOT for kids. So Christopher owns up to the fact that he has downloaded an explicit song and on THAT level, I’m proud of him. So I go and listen to this song and it is EXTREMELY vulgar and NOT for kids Christopher’s age. Now I have THIS to deal with: I KNOW my son listens to this stuff and despite the fact that I hate that he’s heard it, there’s no taking it back now.

This situation is not unique to just my kids. I’ve ready articles on how parents have tried to lock up their internet and police all media and put passwords on everything and use a deadbolt on their bedroom doors and I have to wonder…where do I draw the line? He’s 10 and he has friends who have older brothers and sisters and I’m pretty sure THEY’VE listened to it and that’s how all this stuff gets circulated and so here we are.

I get why Christopher likes rap music. Rap music is “cool.” Personally, I think most of it is crap but I imagine my parents thought the same of my music when I was younger (and probably still do, for that matter). I can’t fault him for liking something I don’t. Part of the great thing about music is that it’s anti-establishment. I used to be a big fan of Eminem…until I grew up and got tired of hearing how he would *bleep* the *bleep* until the *bleep*-ing *bleep* got *bleeped*. I fed my rock palate on Nirvana and Marilyn Manson and the KINGS of double entendre, AC/DC. They’re just words. But when you’re 10…ARE they just words?

There’s a reason why there’s a sticker on the CD case at Best Buy. But when ITunes sticks Lil Wayne’s latest album on the top of their “New Releases” list and Christopher’s friends are all listening to it, what am I gonna do about it? One of the cool things about ITunes is that you can sample the songs before you buy them. But when the songs are by Lil Wayne and are beyond vulgar, how am I supposed to control that? Some will say he shouldn’t even HAVE access to it. But is that simply hiding him from the reality that some media IS obscene? Obviously I don’t want him listening to it but I remember when Nazareth was singing about “messing with a son of a bitch” when I was a kid and I thought that was the most insane thing I had ever heard! So now MY kid is listening to a guy who came from the rough side of Atlanta rapping about sex and violence and things he probably won’t understand for another couple years and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s already out there…so what do I do?

For the interim, I politely asked Christopher to delete it from his ITouch. I then offered to buy him the edited version if he really wanted it. I can’t help that he’s already heard the words that are in it. I imagine he’s already heard most of the words anyway. It’s the way that Lil Wayne uses the words that worries me. If anything, I don’t want my kid growing up thinking it’s okay to use certain words that he uses in his songs. It’s derogatory and disrespectful. Christopher and I have had “The Talk” about using cuss words. He knows where I stand on that issue. However I don’t know if MY thoughts on certain cuss words ever went beyond cussing with his buddies, saying the occasional “S” word or using profanity when he gets hurt on the football field. The level of cussing used in most rap today is WAY beyond MY version of using profanity.

So I am a bad parent who allows my kids access to ITunes. I also allow them access to NetFlix (which puts adult titles right next to kids titles) and they know the password on our television if they really wanted to watch my recorded episodes of “The Walking Dead.” My kids (and most kids these days) are really smart like that. They figure it out and can get around it. Luckily, I have a kid who knows when he’s gone over the line with certain things and he can talk to me or his mother about it. I don’t like what my kids have already heard or seen in this day of media overload, but I don’t know how to stop it. I guess the best I can do is hope that we have raised them correctly to this point and allow them to decide if what they are seeing or hearing is too much. I hope Steph & I have done right by them. Because obviously Lil Wayne doesn’t give a shi…er…crap.

A Pointed Perspective From The Madness

March Madness is in full swing and to say that this year’s early rounds have been chaotic would be an understatement. 15-seed Florida Gulf Coast beat Georgetown & SDSU, 9-seed Wichita State bounced Pitt & 1-seed Gonzaga and 13-seed La Salle is making waves by winning it’s First Round game and then beating 2 more opponents to advance to the Sweet 16. As awesome as these storylines are, my mind is on what went down in 2 other games. Both had similar last-second situations but one shining moment didn’t happen in the case of one team and that is the one that I wish my son could have seen.

The first game is the 2-seed Ohio State Buckeyes’ last second, game-winning shot in the 3rd round to beat the 3-point barrage of 10-seed Iowa State. Aaron Craft, OSU’s defensive-minded point guard, had just missed a couple free throws, missed a jumper in the lane and, by most accounts, had not been much help as far as keeping his Bucks in the game offensively (even though he ended up with a quiet 18 points by games end). But then he took a charge under the basket with about 1:45 left in the game, made a driving layup and then, with less than a second on the clock, fearlessly launched a jumper from the upper right side of the 3-point line to win the game in dramatic fashion.

The second is the Butler Bulldogs’ loss to a Marquette team that seems to have 9 lives as it has managed to squeak out 2 tournament wins by 3 total points. In the Madness, this is almost unheard of and yet they managed to survive due to one poor decision by the Bulldogs’ hot-shooting guard, Rotnei Clarke. Clarke had been on fire in the 1st half, hitting 6 of 10 field goal attempts and scoring 18 points from just about everywhere on the right side of the court. Marquette adjusted at halftime and forced him to his left, almost wiping him out in the 2nd Half entirely. At the end of the game, he had the opportunity to tie the game when Marquette threw the ball out of bounds with :05 seconds left in the game. But instead of driving to the basket and trying to either A) take a decent shot or B) attempting to get to the foul line, he chose to C) launch a shot from well past the 3-point line with 2 defenders in his face and hit…nothing but air. In the end, the offensive explosion that he had in the first half was a foregone conclusion as he finished the game with 24 points. But it was the poor decision at the end that eventually cost his team the game. The funny thing about this is that Clarke had hit a ridiculous looking 3-point heave earlier in the season to beat Marquette and so I imagine everyone thought he would do the same thing on Saturday but sadly…no.

Of these 2 moments, guess which one I will probably remember? I’m an Ohio State fan so you’d think #1, right? But no…it’s Clarke’s ill-advised jumper that I will remember. Why, you ask? Because it was a glaring mistake that took away an otherwise decent showing by Butler’s leading scorer and cost their team a shot at the next round of the Madness. So why pick on Clarke? I mean…he does lead the team in scoring and as far as being willing to take the shot in that situation, he was obviously the man to do it (unlike Craft, who SHOULD have probably gotten the ball to the Buckeye’s leading scorer, Deshaun Thomas). SO if the star of the team has the ball with 5 ticks of the clock remaining, why SHOULDN’T he launch from midcourt?

Because it was a TURRIBLE decision (in my best Charles Barkley voice).

Watch the replay of this shot and tell me THIS was the best thing to do. It was heartbreaking to see a kid who is as tough as Clarke, who has hustled the entire game, who almost single handedly kept his team in the game by hitting from everywhere in the first half, implode in the one situation where they needed him most. If I could teach my son a lesson, it would be what came from this situation. When you’re down by 2 and the other team gives you a gift…a 3-point bomb is NOT the best choice. As a senior and a leader of the team, it’s not a case of WHO should have taken the shot, it is more about WHERE the shot should have been taken. Clarke is gifted enough he could have created an opportunity for himself. Instead, he got greedy and it cost his team the game.

In the Buckeyes game, Aaron Craft made the correct choice when the opportunity presented itself. In Clarke’s situation, he didn’t. And the difference was he cost his team a possible overtime tournament win. In March, moments like these happen once in a lifetime. I imagine this moment will sting Rotnei Clarke for some time. If anything, we can all learn something from this situation. When opportunity presents itself, take it and take the best shot possible. But launching a 35-footer when you have time on the clock is probably NOT the best you can do. Just sayin’…

And now…on with the Show! #MarchMadness2013

Looking Backwards To Go Forward

I am, admittedly, someone who likes to look back at things. For whatever reason, I have always been that way. When it comes to my life, I have been so fortunate to have had so many great “moments” that it is hard NOT to look back. Whether it’s my high school years, playing ball with my friends at “The Square” in Philo or my college days at Ohio University, I have nothing but great memories. Living in Dayton with my buddy Newman, working at the local affiliate there and then getting a job in Cincinnati where I would meet my wife and settle down. Our wedding day and the following honeymoon were the best days of my life. The day we moved into our new home. The day we had our first child. The holidays with family. The birth of my daughter. On & on…memory after memory…my life has been, without a doubt, a blessed one. But when is it time to look ahead? When do you put those wonderful memories aside and look to the future with the bright sun shining in your face and the future a welcome beam of light that can take you anywhere?

When is it time to put the past in the past?

Or…is it ALWAYS a part of me?

Some say I’m a nostalgic person and I’m okay with being that way. I don’t let my past get in the way of my future…I don’t think. I’m still a forward thinker, trying to plan for what lies ahead. But on occasion I enjoy daydreaming about my life and, for me, thinking about what great things have already happened to me gives me hope for an even brighter future. Without my past being what it was, my future would be cloudy and uncertain. But because of my family and the friends I have and the people I know, all who have shared wonderful times with me, my future will ALWAYS look bright. I don’t fear the future even though I don’t know what’s ahead. But I love to remember all the great times that shaped who I am and that gives me courage to face such an uncertain future.

Our lives are in flux. I see it everywhere. People are angry, scared, sick, spent with trying to keep up. Our culture has moved so fast into the future that we can only wonder where we will be in another 10 years. I also wonder. I have a 10-year old and an 8-year old. The thought of seeing them grow up and moving on is kind of horrifying for me. I know it’s going to happen and I know I will be so amazingly proud of them no matter what they do. But for me…thinking about THAT future isn’t something I enjoy doing. I like my kids NOW. I don’t WANT to think about them in the future.

My wife thinks I can be pessimistic at times and I imagine I am. Although I think I tend to be more optimistic than she might give me credit for, I still have a tendency to worry about all the things that most people are worried about these days. Money, time spent away from home, work exhaustion, health issues. All of the things that everyone else seems to be concerned with I am worried about also. But I don’t want those things to define who I am. Who I am is the little boy who would roller skate around McConnelsville at 7am on a Saturday morning while my Dad is prepping for the morning breakfast crowd at our family restaurant. Who I am is the teenager who would give his brother & sisters a ride on the back of the lawnmower in the summertime. Who I am is the young man who would get a job at the local tv station right out of high school and go on to an amazing and fulfilling career. Who I am is the man who literally cried through most of his own wedding ceremony and I’ve never once been embarrassed by it. Who I am is the bumbling 30-year old holding a crying baby boy AND a video camera, not sure which one I would drop first. Who I am is the guy in the grass at Riverbend, rocking out to AC/DC and screaming like a maniac every time Angus drops a guitar solo. I am all of these memories and more…and every one of them is as important to me as any that will follow them.

Looking ahead at my future, the best I can hope for is that it is as fulfilling as all of the moments that have led to it. That is who I am. And if my days ahead are anything like my days behind me, I will have to consider myself to be one very lucky man.

Making Your Bed

Today my son forgot his homework for school. Lucky for him, I was home and willing to bring it to him but it made me wonder…at what age do I say, “You forgot it, you suffer the consequences”? There is no great book of parenting, so there is no right or wrong answer for this question but Christopher is getting to an age where I think he should be accepting more responsibility and so, eventually, it has to happen…right?

Friends of our family recently had their teenager get into some hot water. I’m not gonna say what he/she did and it doesn’t really matter. The parents are our friends and I can’t imagine what must be going through their minds in regards to their teen. You have to question yourself obviously. What did we do wrong? Why weren’t we there to stop it? What happened to our child to make them do something like this? I have to imagine there are a lot of questions that they are asking about their parenting and if they did it correctly. So when does it stop? At what point do you have to say to yourself that you’ve done the best you can and then let him or her deal with the situation they have made for themselves?

This is a tough one. When I was 10, I had a lot more responsibility than Christopher has today. I don’t want to get into the “Back in MY day…” conversation because, quite frankly, my son has an entirely different life than I had. When I was 10, there wasn’t the technology that there is today, there weren’t the pressures and there certainly wasn’t the social fears that we are consumed by today. His lifestyle is COMPLETELY different than when I was 10, so it’s not fair for me to compare my life to his because it’s NOTHING like his. But I’m pretty certain I had certain responsibilities then, I just don’t recall what they were.

This has nothing to do with the love I have for my kids. Honestly, it’s just a question. I’ve read some articles on this topic and none give an EXACT age. Usually they tell you take into account the age, the mindset, what he or she is going to be responsible for and you go from there. An obvious one would be their bedrooms. I think all of my siblings would say that I was the neatest of our brood. Being the oldest of 6, I was always just a clean person. I’m big on having everything put in its proper place and so when our home gets into a little bit of disarray, I get a little crazy. Christopher and Ava are NOT what I would call “neat.” Like most kids their ages, they have a tendency to throw their dirty clothes on the floor, spread their toys out all over the room and are okay with it being that way. I was never that way. So, for me, this tendency is maddening! When is it time to say enough is enough?

I’m hoping there will be plenty of comments on this topic (hopefully my mother can remind me of my responsibilities at Christopher’s age) and I’ll be interested to see what you say. This generation of kids is growing up under such pressure already. Christopher is studying geology in 5th grade & he has been involved in sports all his life. Ava is studying fractions in the 3rd grade and is already having to deal with social pressures at school. I don’t know when grade school became so mature but it amazes me how little time our kids get to be kids. So this makes me want to step back a little bit on the bigger responsibilities. I want them to enjoy being kids! But learning some responsibility is also an important part of growing up. So it’s just a matter of time before I feel I’m going to have to force them to have some and let them know that if they don’t live up to their end of the bargain there will be consequences. It’s a life long process and some have a longer learning curve than others so…when do we start? When do we, as parents, pull out the trump card and finally say, “You made your bed, now you get to lie in it?”

Your comments are appreciated. Aaaaaaand….go.

Here is a good article on this topic. And here’s another!

A Letter To My Kids

This is a post for my children. Someday, I hope they are reading through the massive amounts of writings that I have done through the years and come across this and realize a few things…

This morning, I woke up, poured myself some coffee and watched my wife, your mom, as she was preparing your school lunch. She had already been up for about 45 minutes and had already gotten a shower as she was getting ready to go to work at 8am. It was 7:05. I asked her if I could help get your lunches ready and she told me I could make the sandwiches if I wanted to do something. As I was making your turkey & cheese sandwich with mayo, mustard and lettuce sandwich on hawaiian rolls (she was VERY specific about this), I noticed that she was also preparing you a side salad with carrots and a little cup of dressing that she was putting in little Tupperware cups, vegetable soup that she had made from scratch and was heating up on the stove, a small bowl of strawberry jello that she had made and a snack bar. I note the contents of what she packing because, quite honestly, if it had been ME packing your lunches, you would have gotten a peanut butter & jelly sandwich on regular white bread, some potato chips, maybe some grapes and a juice box. I MIGHT have POSSIBLY used wheat bread (if I’d seen it in the bread drawer first) but a SALAD with SOUP that I had made from SCRATCH? Not a chance.

Sounds like an average morning so…my point to this is?

Well…it’s not that your mother loves you more than I do. We both love you equally. However your mother goes ABOVE & BEYOND when it comes to taking care of you and she loves you so much that she will take the time to make sure you have the best she can give you. And this isn’t just in the case of just your lunch box either. Your Mom works harder at making sure that you have a great childhood than I have ever done in your short time here on this planet. Despite what you may think of her sometimes, there is no one who will do the things that she does to make your life as good as it can be. I’ve watched her. I’ve seen her struggle with you over your homework. I’ve seen her bust her butt to make sure she can get you, Christopher, from practice then to a game, pack you a bag of clean clothes so you can change, make sure someone can take you home, run to the store to get a gift so that she can take you, Ava, to your friend’s house for a birthday party, drive across town so that she can get something from someone for some charity engagement she has that night, drive back to get Christopher from the game, take you home to get a shower, take you to your friend’s house to play for a while then go get you, Ava, from the party, drop you off at another friend’s house then go home, change, and then go to a meeting, etc & so forth. Just WRITING this is exhausting to me, so DOING it sounds like a nightmare! But she does it and she doesn’t say a word about it to either of you.

Your mom makes sure you have what you need and gets you to where you need to go to get it. She makes sure that you understand all the things that are happening in your life. She is concerned about your future. She worries about you when you’re unhappy. She takes care of you when you’re sick. She has never once complained about doing ANY of these things. When I get frustrated when you whine about someone not passing you the ball during the game or dealing with having to make you something for breakfast that’s NOT cereal (seriously…what is WRONG with just eating cereal for breakfast?!?!), she will take the time to listen, she will make you eggs, she will understand your logic and make it all work.

My point is this…love your mother. Unequivocally. Don’t ask questions. Don’t talk back. Don’t take her for granted. Don’t think for a second that you can live without her. Because I’m here to tell you…you can’t.

I’m a a 44-year old man and I still have an undying love for my Mom. She did for me exactly what your mother is doing for you today and she has never asked me for anything more than a hug and a kiss before I leave her home. Your mother will be the same way. Live your life, enjoy it! But don’t EVER think you got it for free. Your life was not free. Your mother gave you your life. She gave birth to you, she cares for you, she loves you and when the shit hits the fan, she is gonna be there to help you get through it. Will dad be there? Of course I will. But trust me, MY take on things will always be peanut butter & jelly to her turkey & cheese sandwich with mayo, mustard and lettuce sandwich on hawaiian rolls. And it’s in THOSE details where you will find that she matters the most. I’m not belittling the things that I do for you. Trust me, I know my role. But it’s your Mom who is the angel on the top of your tree and so any time you think it will be okay to mouth off, be disrespectful, complain about the little things that don’t really matter, I want you to think of ALL of the things your mother does for you and I want you to reflect on those things.

Peanut butter and jelly will get you through, but turkey & cheese sandwich with mayo, mustard and lettuce sandwich on hawaiian rolls with homemade soup, salad and jello are the things that make your life special. Treat your mother with respect, love her as much as your heart will give and NEVER take her for granted. This matters very much to me because if you don’t understand that, then I have failed you as a father. Love your mother with all of your heart and your life will be greater than you know. Trust me when I tell you…mine has been.

Love you both,

Your dad

Death Of An American Institution? I Hope Not…

When I was younger, I couldn’t even begin to count how much of my time was spent hanging out at the Colony Square Mall. For anyone my age, once you got a car, the thing to do was to cruise Maple Avenue and then hit the mall for dinner and hang out at the Gold Mine Arcade. Nowadays, I don’t know what kids are doing to “hang out” (if they even do that anymore), but I can pretty much guarantee it’s not spending time at the mall. I don’t know if you’ve been to a mall lately, but unless you live in a pretty high end part of town that has money to burn, the American mall has seen better days.

Last night I went for a walk. I’m in Mobile, Alabama, staying at a Marriott that is located near a mall and I thought it would be a good idea to get some exercise. So I’m walking through a practically empty parking lot and when I get into the main part of the mall, I swear I see maybe 10 people throughout my entire walk! Now, granted, this IS a Tuesday night in small town America so I wouldn’t expect the place to be jammed with people however…I can guarantee that there were more people working than there were people shopping at the mall on this particular night. A quick glance out my window here tonight and I can tell that it’s pretty much the same thing. So…what is to happen to the right of passage of our youth? What happens when the malls start to close and the doors are shut and all that is left are big empty buildings that no one can use? The thought of it almost makes me sad actually…

Hours upon hours, quarter after quarter, I spent a better part of my childhood in my hometown mall. It’s where my friends gathered to talk, eat, see a movie, cause a little trouble. It’s how we socialized! Now…I guess kids do it on their cell phones or online. Human interaction is being shoved aside by technology and the American mall is suffering because of it. And it’s not just the kids. Parent and adults are ordering online more and more also. Why leave the comforts of your expensive home when you can order all your crap right there with a click of a button? Why would you fight crowds and pay MORE at a mall when you can head on over to Gap.com and get those jeans you want without paying a shipping cost? It makes sense that the American mall suffers. For how many years did we overpay for things because the cost of renting a space at the mall is so expensive? So now we have businesses moving out as fast as they can, setting up shop online and not even bothering to try to get that primo spot near Victoria Secret (see Sears or Pac Sun or JC Penney or that comic book shop that had every Spiderman issue you could think of).

Who WOULDN’T want that primo spot, huh?

It’s hard for me to imagine an American institution more important to my childhood than the mall. Now when I take my kids to visit their grandparent, I take them and my Mom to the mall for lunch whenever I can and we walk. Granted, there usually aren’t all that many people there, but I like to shop a little bit, maybe buy the kids something and we always eat at Wendy’s. It’s a little slice of heaven for me even though a lot of people would probably say I’m crazy. For me, the mall IS my youth. And despite the fact that it seems to be dying off, I miss the social aspect that it brings to our society. A Friday or Saturday night out on the town ALWAYS meant a trip to the mall and it was a safety net of sorts. If we were at the mall, we weren’t off doing something we shouldn’t have been doing. Now…without that net…who is to say WHAT kind of mischief our kids are getting into? Think about THAT, computer shopping mothers!

So get out there America and SHOP and BUY things at your local mall! I’m gonna start a campaign now…SAVE THE MALL! If you’re in your car and you got a few minutes, go walk through your local mall and pick yourself up a little something. You know you deserve it and you’ll be saving a part of your childhood…or, at least a part of MY childhood. Oh…and go check out the new version of the Gold Mine…which is now a Glo Putt. And I’m not sure exactly what I think of that…

My Acceptance Speech

Last night on the Golden Globes, Jodie Foster accepted the Cecil D. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award. I’m not sure what that is but her acceptance speech has brought lots of conversation on the internet and the Facebook. I watched Ms. Foster’s speech and here’s what I gathered from her it…

She likes her privacy. She’s been in the entertainment industry for a really long time. She’s thankful for all of her co-workers. She’s gay. She’s 50. She’s single.

Here’s what I really think about Ms. Foster’s acceptance speech…

She can have her life, I don’t want to be a part of it. I’ve enjoyed her movies for many years and I appreciate that she’s good at her craft. I think it’s great that she likes her co-workers. In my opinion, having people you like around you makes the work that much more enjoyable. I don’t care if she’s gay. I don’t care that she’s 50. I don’t care that she’s single.

When Ms. Foster came up on stage after being introduced by Robert Downey, Jr. (a particularly funny intro, I might add), I was expecting her to be gracious and funny and appreciative. And she was, in a way. But it turned into a speech about privacy and I found it somewhat presumptuous that she thinks everyone wants a piece of her. I don’t want a part of her. She’s an actress. She makes a living acting like someone else. It’s weird how we glorify actors, actresses, athletes and government officials. I don’t get it and I’m a part of it in a very small way.

I think there is no one that loves Hollywood more than itself. With its multiple awards ceremonies and the red carpet affairs and the paparazzi. Hollywood knows that the world is watching and so it has a very high opinion of itself. Let me be the first to acknowledge that I am a fan of Hollywood. I love the film industry, I love music, I enjoy the occasional tv program. But I can honestly say that if Hollywood were to never broadcast another awards show with a bunch of people clamoring on a stage and accepting trophies for their ability to ACT like someone else, it wouldn’t kill me. And Ms. Foster’s speech last night was exactly why I think it’s now time to put priorities in place. We shouldn’t be celebrating every little minute detail of anyone who has 15 minutes of fame. We should instead be celebrating those who have spent a lifetime doing what they do, being who they are and who have made an impact on our lives. So…in accordance with this idea…here is MY acceptance speech for all of those who made me what I am today…

(cue 1:00 music intro – Award recipient intros to stage. Use hand-held cam to catch handshakes, kisses and the occasional mishap. Take Cam 2…)

“Firstly, I want everyone to know that I am heterosexual. It’s none of your business really but I figure, for whatever reason, it’s important that everyone know. I also wear briefs and enjoy an occasional drink at the bar. That being said, I have never done any kind of drugs that weren’t prescribed by a doctor and I have never gone skydiving. Now…with those details out of the way…

I’d like to thank my wife, who I love dearly and who is quite beautiful in my opinion. SHE deserves this award more than I do for putting up with me on a daily basis. She is a woman of great stature in my life and without her, I would not be what I am today.

To my children, Christopher & Ava, who are the reason for my life. Nothing I do will ever compete with them and I love them unconditionally. I can’t imagine life without them and I am forever in their debt for their love and understanding as I continue to grow…or, at least, as my waistline continues to grow.

I want to thank my Mom & Dad, who steered me on this path that I’m on. I might not be perfect, however I feel that they did the best they could and then trusted me enough to let me figure it out. I am a testament that you learn from making mistakes and THAT is a great way to learn how to live this thing we call life.

I want to thank my brother and sisters. If my parents are the backbone of my family, then Ruth, Mandy, Kathy, Frank and Amber are the heart. They are the ones who move me to be the best I can be. I see what they think of me every time I see them and I hope I don’t disappoint them in any way…ever.

To my best friends all through the years…JT, Newman, Janet, Chuck, Shayne & Mason. Despite the fact that I can go months (or sometimes years!) without seeing or talking to each of them, they have always been there for me whenever I need them and for that I am forever grateful. We have had some great times and there are so many stories to tell…but unfortunately I’m only allotted 2 minutes so I must push forward…

To all of my teachers but especially my high school English teacher, Dr. Lepp, and my Journalism teacher, Ms. Corbett, for believing in me so many years ago and taking what little talent I had back in those days and molding it in a way that would allow me to grow and move forward with my life.

To all the employers in the television news business that slowly but surely sucked all the fun out of that industry, leaving me no option but to find other means of employment. It was a fun run while it lasted but I needed to get out. Thank you for not sucking me back into that vortex.

To all my co-workers now and then. And I’m talking to anyone who worked at WHIZ-TV/AM/FM in Zanesville, WKEF in Dayton, WLWT in Cincinnati, The Daily Buzz and all of my freelancer friends who have made an impact on my life. You were or are all excellent to work with and, for the most part, I consider you all to be friends. It’s always a great thing to laugh at work and you guys have made my life easy.

To my circle of friends now who are always so helpful and supportive. When I’m working, they ease Stephanie’s burdens and help her with the craziness of trying to get our kids from one thing to another. They have made our lives so much more complete and we love them and their kids like family.

(cue music outro)

And finally, I thank you. For whatever reason, you stop by, read my silly musings and even occasionally make a comment or two. I write only as an outlet but every now and then I find a good topic and my fingers start to move and lo & behold! A blog post comes out of it! Thanks for stopping by and reading even if it’s not really worth your time…”

(Music outro up full – award recipient escorted to stage right.)

- Roll video with smiling celebrities/people drinking/actors fake kissing other actors

- :20 Billboards

- Fade to black

Am I Prepared?

This past weekend, our family experienced its closest loss with the passing of Grandpa Bobby. Not unlike many people, I don’t handle death very well. I know, I know…it happens to everyone eventually but still. I’m not a big fan of viewings. I guess in my head, I never want to remember someone the way I see them last. I want to remember them as I remember them. Hopefully, this would be mostly pleasant memories. In the case of Bobby, there are plenty of things that I will remember about him. I’ll always remember the first time I met he and my mother-in-law, way back when Stephanie and I first started dating. I’ll always remember his fondness for everything science fiction. I’ll always remember that anytime I asked him how he was doing, he would always respond with, “Oh…fair to middlin’.” He was a character, for sure, and he had his impact on our lives and for that I am grateful. Seeing him in the casket in his military uniform, wearing the glasses he’s always worn since I’ve known him, I couldn’t help but feel loss. He was nearing his 70th birthday. And then it hit me…he was only 26 years older than me.

And now…I’m starting to hyperventilate a little bit.

I realize that 26 years is a long time. In 26 years time, my son will be 36, my daughter 34. They will have passed their 20′s and I would hope that they will be well on their way to having their own families. In 26 years, there will be God only knows how much more advances in technology. In 26 years, hopefully we’ll have figured out a way to balance the national budget, how to balance fossil fuels with solar energy and maybe…just maybe…we will have found a cure for cancer. The future is unlimited! Except…it’s not.

26 years is less than 30 years. And lately, the years have been FLYING by. 30 years ago I was in 8th grade! Playing basketball every night with my buddies. Going to movies. Not a care in the world. 30 years ago seems like forever! 26 years in the future seems closer somehow.

At any given time, it could be MY time. Or YOUR time. Or one of our loved ones. Or one of our pets. Or a neighbor. Granted, you can’t think about it ALL the time or else you’ll go crazy, living your life in fear and not really living at all however…nothing makes you think of death more than a funeral and so…here I am. Grandpa Bobby was 26 years older than me. And now he’s gone. And that scares the hell outta me.

When I stop to think about how long 26 years is, I do the math. 26 years ago I was 18. I was still living at home, driving a beat up Volkswagen Bug and going to freshman college classes I didn’t really need for the occupation I would eventually have. 26 years ago I would spend my summers working in Zanesville, hanging out with my best friend, listening to Pearl Jam or Nirvana, not really thinking too much about where I’d be in 26 years. Now…I’m here. And I have to think…in 26 MORE years, I could NOT be here anymore. I don’t like thinking about it but, at some point, I guess you have to. You have to entertain the thought that you MIGHT not be here to see your 70th birthday. When I think of 70, I think how I doubted I would ever grow so old to see that birthday. Now…it really doesn’t seem that far away.

Now, obviously 70 isn’t the end all date. My Dad is 74 and he’s still kicking my butt at golf. My Mom is…well…not 74…but she’s still rockin’ the Bingo every Wednesday and enjoys long morning walks and playing the piano at random times during the afternoon. So to say 70 is the finish line is probably not for everyone. But you get my drift…right? I mean, with every funeral you attend, you HAVE to think about it. And I don’t like thinking about it. Mortality is a bitch. I don’t wanna have to get all philosophical unless I absolutely HAVE to. And usually I’m too busy to worry about it. But now here I am…blathering on and not even sure if this is making any sense but I’m feeling a little sense of dread and so…BLAH BLAH BLAH.

At Bobby’s funeral the other day, the minister at the funeral home talked about being prepared. He was saying that if you accept The Lord as your Savior, you will be prepared for the afterlife and your ascension into heaven will be a sweet testament to your life here on Earth. THAT is some pretty heavy stuff for a Saturday afternoon…but as I listened to his message I had to think about my life and where I am, 26 years away from the same age of the death of my father-in-law. I want to be prepared for what’s next but can you REALLY say you can EVER be prepared? I dunno.

Religious pundits will say you can be. And I wish I could say that religion has brought me that sense of clarity. But I’m not clear about it. I imagine as with most things in life, I want to be assured that there is something after. But who knows? It’s not a given. I WANT to believe. But there is that part of me that doesn’t. I can’t help it. It’s the scientific side of me that says that once it’s done, it’s done. There is a scene in a science fiction movie called “Blade Runner” that speaks to me about death. In it, a synthetic human (played by Rutger Hauer) is nearing his termination date. As he stands in the pouring rain, he reminisces about places he’s been, things he has seen, and he wishes for more time. It’s a lot like that, I have to imagine. That moment when you sense the end is near and all you can do is hope that there is more, whether it is here on Earth, or somewhere we don’t even know. It’s scary…and yet somewhat enthralling all at the same time. We WANT to know…don’t we? In some part of our being we ALL want to know…what is after this?

I can’t even begin to venture. These topics are for people much more philosophical than I. And yet, I wonder. And I can’t say that I “fear” it…I just don’t want to rush it. Ya know what I mean? Anyway…all I can think about since Friday’s events is…am I prepared? Am I ready?

Honestly? I don’t think so. I have so much more living to do. And so…I guess I better get to it.

“Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life – anybody’s life; my life. All he’d wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die.” – Deckard (Harrison Ford’s character in “Blade Runner”)

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 69,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

The End Of Days Or Forward Progress? I Vote The Latter…

So yesterday, November 6, 2012, our nation took to the voting booths and stations around this great nation of ours and, when the tally was complete, we…as a people…had re-elected President Obama to his 2nd term as our leader.

Or had we?

Because according to many of my friends in the Facebook world, you would have thought the end was near and God himself was ready to strike our entire country down with lightning bolts and fiery brimstone at the notion that a DEMOCRAT could be elected TWICE to the highest post in nation?!?!

Oh the shame! Oh the horror! We must ALL pray that we survive another 4 years of such debauchery and socialism! This MUST be a mistake! The polls must have broken or there are some hanging chad’s that have yet to be counted or SOMETHING because there is no way that we…as a UNITED people…would EVER re-elect President Barack Obama to ANOTHER 4 years?!?!

Well…ya know what? We did. Granted…it WAS a close race and to be honest, I have to at least mention that I wasn’t quite as ready to give the Obama team my vote as quickly as the first time. In the end though, after all of the negative ads, the slanderous accusations, the ridiculous amount of erroneous sources and all the flip-flopping, my choice seemed fairly easy to make. To me, Mitt Romney is a salesman, a guy who knows how to make a pitch. I have to imagine that he never had to deal with the amount of scrutiny that he has had in this election. I watched the third debate as he stumbled and bumbled his way through discussions of foreign policy, consistently agreed with most of the work Obama had done in several areas involving foreign relations and then watched as Obama bitch slapped him when he made notion of the idea that our naval military isn’t as large as it was back in 1917 (in one of the more memorable moments that came from the debates this season, Obama countered with the response, “We also have fewer horses and bayonets, because the nature of our military has changed”).

Looking back on the past 4 years, I can say that I have been fortunate. I have been successful and my family has been healthy. I’m middle-class all the way and despite the fact that I haven’t been lucky (or smart) enough to sock away millions of dollars annually, I’m getting by. Most of my family seems to have been quite happy with the Obama Presidency. I am a fan of the Obama health care plan (as long as there are safeguards in place that don’t allow it to be abused), in favor of marriage for any couple that decides they love each other enough to make the commitment and 100% against government telling any woman what she can or can’t do with her own body. So on those issues alone, Obama was a clear choice. Romney came across to me as a sham man. He would say one thing one day and contradict himself the next. There were no straight answers and very little sense of accuracy in most of his claims that could have swayed me to back him in this election. Obviously there are those who are very unhappy with almost anything that Obama has done and all I can say to that is that they are apparently in the minority. Not that I’m throwing away all of the points that the Romney camp has brought to light, but I simply feel that Obama is the best man for the direction I want our country to go in.

So we have 4 more years of President Obama. We have 4 more years of putting his plan into effect. Despite what some of my Facebook friends may feel, I do NOT believe he will knowingly plunge our country into a doomed economic apocalypse. I do NOT believe he is a socialist or a member of some unknown religious sect that will rape our women and pillage our country. We are well beyond that everyone and for those of you who are crying that President Obama is the reincarnation of evil, I offer this from a Facebook friend who I have NOT “unfriended” this election season…

“I know that a lot of friends are frustrated by the election and the results but you really need to think twice about some of the things that get posted because a lot of it is making some normally intelligent people sound really dumb…”

Amen to that, Randy! It’s time to move on and get to work! Our country IS great and despite the venomous political landscape, it is time for us to join together to attempt to make it better…if not for ourselves then for our children.

I am Alan and I support THAT message 100%!!!

And so does Big Bird.