Death Of An American Institution? I Hope Not…

When I was younger, I couldn’t even begin to count how much of my time was spent hanging out at the Colony Square Mall. For anyone my age, once you got a car, the thing to do was to cruise Maple Avenue and then hit the mall for dinner and hang out at the Gold Mine Arcade. Nowadays, I don’t know what kids are doing to “hang out” (if they even do that anymore), but I can pretty much guarantee it’s not spending time at the mall. I don’t know if you’ve been to a mall lately, but unless you live in a pretty high end part of town that has money to burn, the American mall has seen better days.

Last night I went for a walk. I’m in Mobile, Alabama, staying at a Marriott that is located near a mall and I thought it would be a good idea to get some exercise. So I’m walking through a practically empty parking lot and when I get into the main part of the mall, I swear I see maybe 10 people throughout my entire walk! Now, granted, this IS a Tuesday night in small town America so I wouldn’t expect the place to be jammed with people however…I can guarantee that there were more people working than there were people shopping at the mall on this particular night. A quick glance out my window here tonight and I can tell that it’s pretty much the same thing. So…what is to happen to the right of passage of our youth? What happens when the malls start to close and the doors are shut and all that is left are big empty buildings that no one can use? The thought of it almost makes me sad actually…

Hours upon hours, quarter after quarter, I spent a better part of my childhood in my hometown mall. It’s where my friends gathered to talk, eat, see a movie, cause a little trouble. It’s how we socialized! Now…I guess kids do it on their cell phones or online. Human interaction is being shoved aside by technology and the American mall is suffering because of it. And it’s not just the kids. Parent and adults are ordering online more and more also. Why leave the comforts of your expensive home when you can order all your crap right there with a click of a button? Why would you fight crowds and pay MORE at a mall when you can head on over to Gap.com and get those jeans you want without paying a shipping cost? It makes sense that the American mall suffers. For how many years did we overpay for things because the cost of renting a space at the mall is so expensive? So now we have businesses moving out as fast as they can, setting up shop online and not even bothering to try to get that primo spot near Victoria Secret (see Sears or Pac Sun or JC Penney or that comic book shop that had every Spiderman issue you could think of).

Who WOULDN’T want that primo spot, huh?

It’s hard for me to imagine an American institution more important to my childhood than the mall. Now when I take my kids to visit their grandparent, I take them and my Mom to the mall for lunch whenever I can and we walk. Granted, there usually aren’t all that many people there, but I like to shop a little bit, maybe buy the kids something and we always eat at Wendy’s. It’s a little slice of heaven for me even though a lot of people would probably say I’m crazy. For me, the mall IS my youth. And despite the fact that it seems to be dying off, I miss the social aspect that it brings to our society. A Friday or Saturday night out on the town ALWAYS meant a trip to the mall and it was a safety net of sorts. If we were at the mall, we weren’t off doing something we shouldn’t have been doing. Now…without that net…who is to say WHAT kind of mischief our kids are getting into? Think about THAT, computer shopping mothers!

So get out there America and SHOP and BUY things at your local mall! I’m gonna start a campaign now…SAVE THE MALL! If you’re in your car and you got a few minutes, go walk through your local mall and pick yourself up a little something. You know you deserve it and you’ll be saving a part of your childhood…or, at least a part of MY childhood. Oh…and go check out the new version of the Gold Mine…which is now a Glo Putt. And I’m not sure exactly what I think of that…

12/21/12…It’s THE END!

According to the Mayan calendar, today will be the last day of Earth. 5,125 years come to a close and apparently the Mayans have decided that…well…that’s all we get. HOW this ancient tribe seemingly knows the exact date is not important…what IS important is that we all have our survival gear all ready to go! So…I have packed a life raft, a shovel, some beef jerky and a 12-pack of soda and I’ll be hiding out in my garage all day with my family, our 2 dogs and 2 cats. Should be fun! Here’s hoping whatever happens I can update my Facebook status fast enough. I would hate for the world to end and not be able to fill you in on how it’s going down!

Best of luck and may we all find peace in the hereafter!

THE END…

(until tomorrow)

Life By Chance

Remember those books back in elementary school…the ones where you read a few pages and then you had to pick your fate? You know the ones…

“Alan was walking through the forest when he came across a fork in the road. Down one road, it was dark with scary trees. The other road was lined with tulips and birds chirped merrily in the foliage. Which road should Alan take? If you choose the scary road…go to page 23. If you choose the not so scary road, proceed to page 25.”

So of course you put your finger where that page was then went to check out pages 23 & 25…right? But if you WEREN’T like me, you chose Alan’s fate and picked one or the other and continued reading until Alan suddenly fell off a cliff or something then you had to start all over again. If you are like me, your life is very much like that. Well…not the falling off the cliff part (or, at least, I hope not!), but your life has been a series of moments, some of them bigger than others, but these moments have defined who you are at this point.

The reason I bring this up is for 2 reasons actually. The first was a magazine article I read in this month’s edition of “Psychology Today.” Yeah yeah…I know what you’re thinking to yourself…and yes…I DO read “Psychology Today.” Anyway, in it they interviewed Chuck Klosterman. Haven’t heard of him? Well…me neither. But apparently he’s written a few popular books. One was “Fargo Rock City,” which is about glam metal and the other is “Killing Yourself To Live,” which I assume is probably the more interesting book. Anyway, in this article reporter Katherine Schreiber asked Klosterman this question…”What’s one life lesson your success has taught you?” His response was this…

“That the biggest factor in anyone’s life is chance. Nobody likes to admit that, because they want to believe they were smart or talented enough, or they busted their ass to get where they are. But chance is the biggest thing, and once you accept that, life seems scary.”

The reason this response drew me in is because my life has TOTALLY been like that. Have I busted my ass? Sure. A lot of people have. Do I think I’m talented enough? Sure…I guess as far as talent goes for what I’m doing with my career (typing and watching sports isn’t so difficult). Do I think I’m smart? Well…I’ve been struggling with some of my son’s 4th grade homework assignments so I dunno if I’d go THAT far. But kidding aside, think about how many times you’ve come to a fork in the road and you had to make a decision and whichever way you went, it now defines who you are. Down one path, a cliff. Down the other, the perfect ending to your story. Whether it was a job or a romance or a money decision or just about anything…EVERYONE at some point has to make a decision. And it is totally and completely by chance, in many cases, that you get to where you are now.

For example, I had a work-related life defining moment that I would say has played out in my favor back in 1992. I had graduated college and was faced with looking for a full time job. My goal in my early life was to work in radio and I did. I was working part-time at a few radio stations, filling in wherever I could, trying to get experience. But no full-time opportunity had come my way. At the same time, I was working part-time at the local television station, directing newscasts and doing whatever was needed. So, as chance would have it, BOTH radio and television had full-time positions open up at the exact same time. I interviewed for both and was offered both. The rub was this…the television job allowed me to work part-time in radio if I accepted. For the radio job, I was told that it was all radio or nothing.

I took the television job and I’ve never looked back. Now THAT decision could have gone either way. Who knows…I could have been the next Rick Dees of radio right now, making big bucks in New York City, hanging out with Justin Beiber and Lady Gaga. Who knows? Right? But as chance would have it, I made a decision and it has worked out well for me. Did it happen overnight? No. As a matter of fact, I still have things I want to do in my career and I’m hoping someday to get the opportunity. But I can honestly say that taking a chance and choosing one over the other has worked out well in my favor. I will never know what might have happened down that other road but I’m almost certain it would have involved me interviewing Aunt May and her prize heifer at the state fair. I would have made a terrible choice going into radio. I know it and so do most of my friends who are still in that field.

The second reason I have been thinking about taking chances and dealing with fate is because the other day on the Facebook, a high school friend who is a few years younger than me posted a picture from high school of a girl I don’t remember. Apparently she passed away not to long ago. She would have been a freshman my senior year and I seriously doubt I could have picked her out in a lineup however, it occurs to me that someone who walked the same school hallways, who sat in the same classrooms I sat in, who ate at the same places in my hometown, is gone now. I didn’t know her but we shared similar memories and the fact that she is gone saddens me. It’s one small piece of a ginormous life puzzle. I don’t know how she fits into my puzzle but she does, no matter how small a piece it was. In this life I live, I have come to realize that there are lots of chances I have taken…some are good and some are bad…but thankfully I am alive to take them as they come. Every day I log on to Facebook and I see so many of the people I knew and have come to know all over again and I consider myself a very lucky man. So many of them have taken chances and for some, fate has been on their side. My cousin lost her job the other day and she is the kind of person who will be better for it. It was a crappy job and I applaud her for taking the chance and moving on with her life. A high school friend who was in a motorcycle accident last summer is alive today and doing well. I applaud him for having the strength to face every day in what I imagine was unimaginable pain and he is now recovering quickly. Another friend is having a biopsy after her mammogram test came back. She won’t get the results until next week. I applaud her for her strength and courage in such a time. And yet another high school friend is at her mother’s side at the hospital as I type this. Her mother has had cancer surgery and today has fluid in her lungs. I hope she is doing well and will recover quickly. That’s got to be one of the scariest moments in my friends life and I can only pray that she is strong in this moment.

Life is very much a game of chance. Sometimes we take the wrong path but because we chose the tougher road, we get more out of it than we would have imagined. In other cases, we take the straight & narrow path but little do we know that there is a sudden drop at the end. It’s all just a game of chance and we take it and make out of it what we can. And in some cases, using a little smarts and a little hard work, we make do with a little and we gain a lot.

To sum up this mess of a mind dump…Here’s hoping you get many chances in your life and make the best of them.

And that’s all I got…for now.

The Worst Case Scenario

I don’t know about you, but as a parent, I ALWAYS consider the worst case scenario. Actually…as an adult I have to imagine that you HAVE to consider the worst case scenario in order to survive these days. With the news being what it is and our world becoming smaller & smaller, it’s hard NOT to. A quick look at AOL news this morning came up with these headlines for Thursday, September 8th (my brother’s birthday by the way. Happy Birthday Frank!)…

“Arrest Made In Missing Student Case”

“New Clue In Search For Teacher”

“Man Arrested In Sex Captive Horror”

Our news is always peppered with horror stories of kidnapping, killing, rape, pillaging and this particular week, stories about 9/11. It’s hard raising 2 kids in these kinds of conditions, especially when we were raised in times that were just SOOOOO much different than they are now. I remember when I used to ride my bike miles from home. I’d ride late at night…on the freeway…wearing dark colors…and never had a concern in the world about it. Was it dumb? At the time, no. We also rode without bike helmets, rode unbuckled in the car, hitchhiked across the country and left our doors unlocked at night. Back then there were only a few channels on tv and our news consisted of the local news coverage and the network news at 6pm.

Now it’s an onslaught. We can’t stop the terrible news that we hear. And for a parent, I hear all the horrible stories that involve kids. Missing kids, kids killing kids, kids bullying kids, kids involved in sex trades, kids that are abused, kids that are lost, kids that were playing with a loaded handgun when it went off, kids that the parents left alone in their home alone for 5 minutes and then they fell out of an upstairs window, kids doing dumb things, kids doing smart things then going to a party and ending up getting shot by a random drive-by shooting. You name it…after working in the television news industry as long as I did and now with the information highway being as accessible as it is, there are horror stories upon horror stories that filter down into my mind, creating worry and doubt and popping up in my worst nightmares.

Without considering that there are at least a thousand GOOD stories that go with each bad one, you have to consider the worst case scenario now…every time you open your door. And I do. I think about it every morning when I drop my kids off at school (“12 Children Killed In School Rampage“), I think about it every time I get on a plane (“Russian Plane Crash Kills Hockey Players“), I think about it every time I leave my kids with someone else or when they go outside to play (“19-Year-Old Indicted For Alleged Molestation Of Neighbor Kids“) and the headlines go on & on.

These days you have GOT to consider the worst case scenario but when is enough enough? I’ve found myself waking in the middle of the night, my mind racing as I can remember the ending to whatever dream I might have been having. My dreams used to be filled with darkness of a different kind. I could sleep through the night not concerning myself with thoughts of violence or anger. Before I felt in control of my life, even when it was really kind of stagnant. Now that I’m older and I have responsibilities, I am feeling pressure. I feel pressure at work, I feel pressure at home. I feel pressure to be a good husband, a good father, a good friend, a good neighbor. I feel as though I am racing from place to place, earning my dollar and then hurrying to another place to be with my family, meanwhile forgetting something or someone. The carousel never stops and in between there are these horrific stories, stories that I never could believe could actually happen. Just horrific stories and they find their way into my head, poking me whenever I take my kids to a crowded amusement park or to a football game. They ask me if they can go with their friends? Can they go get an ice cream cone? Can they borrow a dollar and go get some candy? They’ll be right back, of course. Or will they? In my head I am swimming against a current of overwhelming horror stories. Am I going crazy? Or am I just over-reacting?

Last night Steph and I were watching a romantic comedy called “The Switch.” In it, Jennifer Aniston has a 7-year old son that, at one point in the movie, walks 10 blocks in New York City alone to see Jason Bateman’s character. In my head, I was thinking to myself that there would be no way I would allow that to happen. No way could my son (who is 9 at this point) find his way in New York City to find my apartment. He would be lost forever. Someone would take him. Or he would get hit by a speeding taxi that hopped the curb at a stoplight. At this moment those are the 3 worst case scenarios that I can come up with but those should suffice.

Needless to say, this is a sad state to be in, this constant friction of wanting my kids to grow up and be healthy and happy and knowledgeable about this world that we live in and the fear that this world can really suck sometimes and horrible things happen to wonderful people at some of the most inopportune times. As a famous person once said…”Shit Happens.” And in that there is truth. But it’s the unbelievable stuff, the stuff buried on page 9 of your local paper, the stuff that no one wants to read, hear or see that pilfers into my thoughts, scrambling my hopes & dreams. The information highway is a great tool but at some point I have to say I’ve had enough. Too many terrible things, too few genuinely fantastic things to clear my mind and allow it to open up to let the sun shine in.

I say I’m a pessimistic optimist and to some degree that is true. But for whatever reason lately, the worst case scenario has replaced all the good possibilities and it scares me that I need to prepare myself for whatever bad might happen. If something bad DOES happen, please let it be something small. For example, this numbness & tingling in my right foot. If my sciatica issue is going to remain a constant in my life, I would gladly take it if it means my family remains healthy and happy for the rest of their lives. I wonder if that’s the rub. You think about how lucky you are. You’ve lived a healthy life. You’ve lived an honest life. You’ve done nothing wrong and then BAM! The worst case scenario happens and then all of a sudden your life is on pins & needles. I think about that every day.

So you decide, dear reader. Am I crazy? Am I preparing myself for something that is inevitable. Or am I just driving myself crazy. Deal with it when it comes my way. I have to imagine that is when it would hurt the most though, wouldn’t you think? Blindsided by something that you have no control over. That would lead to madness, I imagine. And I don’t need that kind of illness.

Of course all of this is just to make you think. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? How did you handle it? Did it rip your life apart? Were you able to put it back together again? Are you still dealing with the issues? So many horrible things happen every day and the media is there to tell us all about it. Of course…they are also quite obsessed with Beyonce’s baby bump. So maybe I am letting this crap get to my head a little bit too much…

Anyway…don’t wanna be Debbie Downer but if you are a parent like myself who is just a little bit crazy (or at least MAKING myself crazy at times), there are hundreds of books and websites that you can use (Stranger Danger is one of them). Dunno what has gotten into me here lately but I just thought I would vent a little, get it out there and see what others happen to think. It’s a harsh world we live in these days. No more hitchhiking, no leaving the house door unlocked. This ain’t the 70′s. But I have to believe that in all the muck and madness there is goodness still. I see it every day in the people I know and the friends I keep. Together we attempt to raise our kids in the best way we know possible. And if that means I am the one who shoulders all the bad things, then so be it. I just want my kids to have as happy a life as my parents gave me when I was their age. It’s not a lot to ask of a parent, I don’t think. But I’ll be damned if the thoughts don’t always cross my mind, trying to plan ahead, looking for that worst case scenario that COULD possibly happen.

And then it doesn’t. And I can breath again.

Do You Think I’m Cute?

Maybe I’m way off but I gotta think there is something wrong when I get THIS posted on my Facebook page from a GUY that I knew briefly in college maybe 23 years ago…

What does this mean? I’m serious. Because I get this crap on Facebook ALL THE TIME! Is this some stupid quiz that has hijacked my friends account and is purposely doing this on all of his contacts sites? Or are these actual questions that someone has answered about me?

Does he think I’m cute?

Uh…I hope not. If so, he’s got some serious issues that need to be resolved.

Does he think I’m lazy?

Who cares as long as I get to work on time and get the job done?

Does he think I can dance?

Well…I’d do the 2-step with him if he asked…but as of yet…my phone ain’t ringin’.

What the hell?

Why can’t Facebook control this kind of crap? Now I gotta decide if I want to delete this guy as my friend because he’s kind of weirding me out? Or do I take the higher road and allow it and now it looks like me and Jeff are hangin’ out a little more than we ever did?

I dunno. I’m torn. Facebook is such a great tool for keeping up with my friends and it kills time. But this is just odd.

I think I’ll just find the little hidden X in the corner and hit “delete.” Not my friend (who I know is the unwitting accomplish in this thing getting around) but to this “21 Questions” app that has now attached itself on my Facebook page. Honestly, I don’t care WHAT Jeff thinks about me. And if he likes killing time by answering 21 questions about me, then fine…go for it. But I don’t want this crap cluttering up my Facebook page and that goes the same for all you Farmville/Mofia/Stupid Games On Facebook players out there. I don’t do it, I don’t get it and I want nothing to do with it. So go answer 21 Questions about someone else ’cause in the immortal words of Ludacris…

“Get back! M%$#f#$%@ You don’t know me like that.”

And that’s for realz.

And now back to your originally scheduled programming…

Derek Jeter Could Do Better

#99? Really?

So my flight is delayed…again. So I figured I might as well burn some time by logging on and checking out the latest news at Sports Illustrated. At the top of the page was a link to AskMen, a site dedicated solely to men (obviously), which means NO WOMEN ALLOWED! Well…that’s not really true. As a matter of fact, women pretty much take up most of the site. Well..except for articles about sports, sex and cars. So anyway, I see there’s a list of the 99 Most Desirable Women and I HAVE to check it out. I mean…I’m a guy and it’s in my DNA and besides…I’m a big fan of “Lists” so…I was curious.

Unfortunately I’m on wireless and and the link was taking forever to load, however the first woman listed at 99 was…

Minka Kelly?

In case you forgot what she looks like…

Are you kidding me? Number 99??? I have to be honest…I had heard of her and seen her picture before but I honestly had no idea who she was (except after Google-ing her I found out she’s an actress on “Friday Night Lights” and that she’s apparently dating Derek Jeter…), but C’MON! She’s beautiful! And so I didn’t go any further.

Look…if THIS woman is #99 then I don’t even wanna know who is #1 because quite frankly she probably would blind me with some kind of golden lazer light. It would be like Medusa was staring at me with her eyes all black and I would turn to stone with her beauty instead of her hideousness. I would burst into flames and then my ashes would scatter all over the airport terminal. And that would be kind of weird.

Minka Kelly…AskMens’  #99 Most Desirable Woman In The World. Derek Jeter could probably do better, I imagine.

Whatever…

So I’m going back to Sports Illustrated. They have articles I REALLY want to read…like about this year’s Brooklyn Decker swimsuit edition photo shoot in the Virgin Islands…

Brooklyn Decker at the Media Center this year in Dallas…

Brooklyn Decker in Sports Illustrated. Sliiiiightly different from when I saw her…

So Now I’m A What???

The other day, Stephanie (aka the woman who is married to me) mentioned to me that apparently the signs of the Zodiac have inexplicably changed. Oh I know…there will be all kinds of explanations and people telling you there’s a very good reason WHY the original lineup has changed but I call BS on that. It’s silly. Just like when the scientist decided Pluto isn’t really a planet, it’s just someone trying to justify why they have a job. So with great disdain, I am now an Ophic…

Ophifcui…

Ophicsuisas…

Hell…I don’t know. Apparently I’m something that is NOT a Sagittarius, which I’ve been my ENTIRE FREAKIN’ LIFE. So now someone decides to change my sign and no one checks with me??? That is just stupid.

Look…I know it doesn’t REALLY matter, but still…42 years I’ve been a Sagittarius and now I’m not. So now when I use the pickup line, “What’s your sign?” I am gonna have to RETHINK what my sign really is! Because now I’m NOT really a Sagittarius…now I’m a Ophiuchus (actual spelling. I copied & pasted it) because the Ophiuchus is the sign for anyone whose birthday falls between November 29 thru December 17. Sagittarius is from December 17 thru January 20 which means that my wife is now TRULY a Sagittarius (which, for some reason, makes her very happy). Before she was just FAKING it. Because before she liked to SAY she was a Sagittarius, but really she wasn’t. Really she was a … I dunno. Something NOT a Sagittarius. Aaaaanyway…so now since I’m a Ophiuchus….let’s see if it matches my personality…

1. Many people are envious of this subject as he progresses well throughout life.
2. A seeker of wisdom and knowledge
3. Many people are jealous of this person
4. Tends to go for the more flamboyant in dress sense, favouring bright colours.
5. Authority looks upon him well.
6. Would make a great architect or builder.
7. Number 12 is this persons lucky number.
8. This person will have a big family but leave home at an early age.

Soooo…let’s see…1 & 3 I have no idea. 2 is obviously a no. I wear 3 colors most of the time, so #4 is a no go. I’m thinking I do tend to agree with #5. But I can’t build ANYTHING, the number 12 is NOT my lucky number and I have a family of 4 and didn’t leave home until a year after college. So except for maybe #5, this is all null and void.

So dumb.

And so is this post…

If you really wanna read more: Ophiuchus – The 13th Sign of the Zodiac 2011

Old Fogey Grocery

So I mentioned a while ago that I came home sometime last spring and they had torn down our local grocery store. This, of course, was a sad day. But as I drive by it here recently, they are getting closer and closer to having the new Kroger grocery up and ready for the holidays! Yay for us! But until then…we’re still shopping here & there, just biding our time until the NEW & IMPROVED grocery opens up for us. Now that you are caught up on THAT little bit of important information…

Another grocery store that is located close to our home has become my place of quickee shopping. It’s a little “higher end” than our other place, but considering the location (same distance in the OTHER direction), it works all the same. But what I find unique about this other grocery are a couple of things…

1. Ya gotta be over the age of 70 to shop there.

2. You are not, under ANY circumstance, allowed to smile.

I don’t know when the flyers went out or why I didn’t get one…but these rules are obviously in the grocery shopping handbook because I gotta tell ya…the people who shop there are the most dour group of old farts that I’ve ever seen.

Now don’t get me wrong…I like old people (Hi Dad!), but seriously with the grouchy, frowning unpleasantries? It’s a small grocery, not a lot of space, so when I’m  wandering down the aisles (as I am apt to do), occasionally I get into someone’s way and I always try to make light of it. I always excuse myself and look apologetically their way, hoping to get a quick smile or a knowing glance of “I understand, don’t worry about it.” But in this place? It’s like a military quarantine! I imagine that after these people are done paying for their groceries, they get a flogging and a can of prunes to go with their happy demeanors. Seriously…what is up with the senior citizens of my community? Crap! Smile ya old coot! Who pooped on your oatmeal???

Needless to say, I am once again pining for the days of my old grocery store and I am waiting with great anticipation for it to open it’s doors to a younger group of buyers. A group that doesn’t mind a little quick wit and a smile. And as for the motley crew over at the OTHER grocery…here’s hoping their Metamucil kicks in here soon and they get their situation under control. ‘Cause it’s gotta be painful walking around with that pole up their asses all day and they need a little break from the obvious pain that grocery shopping is causing them. Hell…I don’t like shopping either but I do it with a grin & bear it. These guys give new meaning to the word “sourpuss.” Makes me wanna grab the mic and yell…”ATTENTION GROCERY SHOPPERS! LET’S TURN THOSE FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN! FREE PRUNE JUICE AND ASPARAGUS FOR THE FIRST PERSON WHO CRACKS A SMILE IN AISLE 5!!!!”

Bet THAT would get them movin’…

Carousel

Round & round

Round & round

Life goes on

Round & round.

Life goes up

Life comes down

Round & round

Round & round

Where it goes

No one knows

We just ride

Round & round

- a poem by Alan

Does Anyone Else Find This Somewhat Disturbing?

Sooooo….I turned on my cable television today, started flipping through channels….

Judge Judy? No.

Springer Show? No.

A documentary on ants? No.

SportsCenter rerun for the 1,000,000,000 time? No.

Oh wait…they’re going to a commercial break. Maybe they’ll do an upda…

Waaaaaait a minute. What kind of porn crap is THIS???

Uh. Seriously? I got nuthin’.

Oh wait! THIS is MUCH better!!!

Why I Don’t Trust You…But I DO Trust Don.

It’s a dangerous economic world that we live in today. As much as I want to trust everyone I come in contact with, it’s not far fetched that given the opportunity, everyone would take everything in my home if I left the doors open for a few minutes and closed my eyes. I’m not sayin’ I got nice stuff, because it’s average. I’m sayin’ it because gone are the days when you could trust your neighbor or your family doctor or the friendly air conditioning repairman down the street. Everyone is in it for the money and the buck never really seems to stop anywhere. “Where does this rant come from?” you might be asking yourself. Well…let me tell you a little story that really honks me off…and makes me very aware of the fact that it’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know and even that doesn’t guarantee that you’re gonna come out unscathed. But in this case, luckily I did.

I’ve debated on whether or not I should post WHO this particular company is simply because I still go there for oil changes and such, but this particular incident seems so shady and so sneaky that I figure there is a lesson here and so I’m gonna tell it like it happened…but I dunno about naming names…

October 2009. The air conditioner in my wife’s 2002 Ford Explorer goes out. It’s not blowing any cold air and so…I figure I better plan for the worst.

June 2010. I haven’t planned for the worst, I haven’t saved up any money to pay to have the air conditioner fixed, but I figure I better take it in and get an estimate on the problem. So I do. I take it to Airport Ford in Florence, KY (oops…there goes THAT plan) and the problem is apparently my evaporator core is busted and needs to be replaced. This involves taking apart the dashboard, replacing the part and then putting it all back together again. And this endeavor will cost me about $1,000.

Really? $1,000? Because the Blue Book value on this vehicle is about $4,100 right now and I don’t even know what the hell an evaporator core is! I can’t seem to imagine why I would put $1,000 into the air conditioner when that’s a fourth of what the damn thing is worth! So…I don’t exactly have $1,000 lying around anyway so I say “Screw that!” and walk away. Total cost on getting the estimate and NOT paying to have it fixed? $85. And the guy at the front desk (whose name may or may not be Mario) tells me he thinks I’m making the right choice. On a car this old? He wouldn’t spend that kind of money on it either. Thanks for the advice Mario…but it leads me to believe that maybe you were in on a little secret…

July 2010. I call my dad in my hometown. Zanesville has been hit hard by the economic depression and there are lots of businesses that need the work. I ask him if he knows anyone who could possibly take a look at my air conditioner. Give me a 2nd opinion, as it were. My dad says he does know a family that specializes in air conditioners and I figure, if anything, maybe he’ll cut me a bit of a deal to replace the evaporator core and make some extra bank from the son of a guy who his parents used to know. So I take a little vacation time and take my car over to Don’s Auto Air located at 1508 West Main St, Zanesville, OH 43701. I meet Don and he seems like a very nice fellow. I give him my car keys and my dad & I go out to golf 9 holes.

Cut to a few hours later. Don calls me and tells me this…

“Well…I checked out your compressor and it’s fine and then I put in some dye to find the problem and there was a hole in a hose. I patched it up, added some refrigerant and it seems to be running pretty good. I figure it took me an hour or so…so I’ll charge you $45 for the labor, $50 for the materials and taxes and it will come to…$104? Is that okay?”

Is that okay?!?! Don…ya just saved me a grand! Of course that’s okay! Hell…I was so happy I asked him if he could replace anything else on my car that needed fixed!

“Sorry…we only do air conditioners and such. Nothin’ else really.”

“Really? You don’t do body work or replace batteries or ANYTHING? Because I would totally rather buy it from you than these OTHER guys who suck…”

“Nope. Just air conditioners. And radiators.”

Needless to say, I didn’t need a new radiator yet, so that was all of my business that Don got that day. But you can bet your butt if I ever have any other air or radiator issues with ANY of my vehicles, I’m gonna take it 3 hours out of my way to Don’s Auto Air in Zanesville, OH. The guy is honest and friendly and I would definitely trust him with the keys to my car. Maybe not the keys to my house…but definitely my car. Hey…ya gotta start somewhere.

Thanks Don! You are a good man and a suave business owner. You want to keep your customers? Treat them fairly and do a good job and they’ll always come back for more. And Airport Ford? You guys can bite me.

Facebook Dilemma

These people are NOT my friends. Yet…

As the mayor of Facebook, this week I have an interesting situation that I have never come across and now I am at a crossroad at what I should do. I have a few hundred friends on Facebook (ok…634. But who’s counting?) and I have grown to appreciate what Facebook has done in order to get me back in contact with or to keep me in contact with those friends that I see may see once every 20 years. But here’s the situation…

What if that friend is deceased?

This week is the birthday of one of my Facebook friends who recently passed away. And now I see that his birthday is coming up this week. So….uh….now what do I do?

I mean…I don’t want to “unfriend” him. Because he IS my friend in spirit and I think of him on occasion. But now his Facebook account is mostly his children writing on his wall about how much they miss him and I feel as though I am intruding on a family bereavement that is none of my business.

So what do you think?

Do I unfriend him and move on? Or do I wish him a happy birthday and let his family know I’ve been thinking of him and I hope that he is in a better place now?

I dunno…looking for advice here…

Does My Name Tag Say “Dr. Phil”?

So yesterday I had a couple of odd “customer service” moments that I would like to share and I think, as consumers, we can all agree…customer service ain’t what it used to be. I remember there used to be one rule in customer service and it was this…”The customer is ALWAYS right.” Today, that is not always the truth. But this isn’t even why I’m writing. Yesterday I ran into a totally NEW issue in customer service…and that is apparently I look like Dr. Phil.

Confused? Well…you should be because so was I. I went to the grocery store and the girl at the cash register (they DO still call them cash registers right?) looked completely bored and lethargic. As I was emptying my cart I heard her sigh and as I looked up at her, she was rolling her eyes and making this disgusted look like I had just made her day 10 times worse. I asked her if everything was okay and she decided that it was okay to tell me all about her morning and how she had been there since 8am (it was noon) and that she had worked late the night before and how she just didn’t have enough time or sleep and that she was irritable and tired and blah blah blah something something and I forget the rest.

Uh…ok?

Not that I’m not interested…buuuuut…I’m kinda not. I mean, I realize we’re all human and we all have things we do that we don’t want to but…you’re working the cash register at the local grocery. It’s not like you’re out working in a coal mine or anything. It’s what we do. We work to make a living. Ya gotta pay the bills somehow, right? So…if I’m coming through your grocery line at noon on a Monday, I gotta tell you…I don’t really care if you LIKE your job or not…I just want to pay for my groceries and get on with my day.

Same goes for you, Mr. Waiter Guy at Applebee’s. When you come up to my table and ask me how my day is and I say…

“Fine. How is yours?”

This is NOT an open invitation for you to replay your entire miserable existence. Seriously…I don’t care. I just want to feed my family. I just want to get through the ordering process which, depending on the mood of my wife & kids, can either go swimmingly or be as painful as a root canal. I don’t need you adding to the situation. So a lesson to all you waiters & waitresses out there…it’s not that I don’t care because I do. I wish you had a great day and you got laid and won the lottery and your ex called to say she made a huge mistake and all was wonderful in your life. But if it didn’t happen that way and things were a little shitty? Well…I don’t REALLY want to know about it. I’m just trying to be nice and get through the process of ordering my potstickers. I’m not looking to add to the drama in my life. Life is dramatic enough without hearing all of your problems.

Does this seem harsh? Am I being selfish here? Or am I on to something when I say, when I go into a business to shop and then to pay for the products I need or want, I’m not necessarily looking to make friends. And if I were looking to make friends, I certainly wouldn’t want to make friends with anyone as dramatic and miserable as these two seemed to be. I just want to get on with it. So if your day was not as good as you would have liked…well….welcome to real life. Not every day is flowers and rainbows. It’s the person who asks me “How is your day?” with a smile and a nod of disinterest that gets my return business. And maybe after you’ve seen me a few times THEN you can unload on me. As most of my real friends know…I’m really good at listening. Really…

Right Steph?

What’s His Name?

This is my brain. Supposedly.

All these years I’ve been thinking that, in my brain, there was a piece missing. I have dark spots where there should be memories. Things I should remember I don’t and things I shouldn’t remember, I do. For example…music. I can remember a one-hit wonder from 1976 through 1992, but when it comes to remembering a vacation moment with my family or going to a wedding of a friend back in 1993, I draw a blank. I just figured that when I was born, I was missing a part of my frontal lobe (which is fully developed by the early 20′s and contains dopamine-sensitive neurons that are associated with reward, attention, long-term memory, planning, and drive) because for the most part, if you haven’t played some role in my life, whether it was a memorable experience or not, there’s a good chance that I don’t remember your name.

This can be uncomfortable at times. Especially lately since I’ve had friends from my past reappear on Facebook, “friend” me and then I am forced to try and recall who they are, where they are from, how I know them and so on & so forth. It’s disconcerting because I honestly DO have a decent memory for some things…just not names. Now I remember faces just fine. If I see you walking through the airport and have met you at some point, odds are good that I will remember who you are eventually. Maybe not at that second…but possibly late at night while I’m sleeping the memory of you will pop into my head, waking me from a deep sleep and then I’ll wake up screaming, “NOW I REMEMBER!” (much to the dismay of my wife who is sleeping a mere foot away from me. What? We don’t snuggle. We’re not snugglers.). Aaaaanyway…

So I have this “disorder”. Okay…maybe not a disorder. Maybe it’s more of a brain cloud. My definition of a brain cloud is “a formation of a dark visible mass in my frontal lobe that hides important important social information from my neurons as I attempt to remember  & associate your face with your actual name”. I don’t think this actual definition exists in Webster’s, but if you want, you can go look it up. And the most important part of this entire post is coming up here anyways so you might want to stick around (it’s NOT in Webster’s. Trust me.).

Here’s what I discovered last night…I’m not the ONLY person with a brain cloud! For some odd reason, this makes me feel a LOT better! Because honestly…I was thinking I was the only person who had this problem. I mean…people coming out of the woodwork who remember me from the 2nd grade? People who I met in college, maybe I was in their social circle but not exactly buddies with? People who I have worked with a total of 2 times and who remember me but I don’t remember them? Am I just THAT oblivious to people or is there something blocking my brain? Maybe certain neurons aren’t firing on all cylinders or something…I dunno. All I know is that I’ve had this problem forever and as I get older, I don’t see it getting any better. So last night, I was at a function with my daughter at her school. A family came in as we were watching Ava show us her math skillz (and the “z” is on purpose. I’m street like that). It was a mom, dad and a daughter who is in my daughter’s class. Every school function I’ve been too, this dad talks to me. He’s a very nice guy and always interested in my occupation and we always have good conversation but for the life of me…I don’t know his name. I’m sure he introduced himself a couple of years ago but that memory has slipped away into the darkness and I have no idea what his name is.

So they nod at us as they go to watch their daughter in some other part of the room close to us and for whatever reason, I continue to watch them. They remove their coats and go to sit down and as the dad is getting comfortable, I see him turn and ask his wife a question. Now…I’ve worked in television a lot of years. And what some don’t know is that, in our business, we learn to read lips. When someone’s mic isn’t working or if there is a time when someone can’t talk because a mic is hot in the studio but information needs to be relayed, you learn quickly to understand what is being said without hearing it. It’s a cool skill to have because I have learned to “listen” even when I can’t hear. So, in this case, the dad asked his wife, “What is his name?”

HALLELUJAH!

He doesn’t remember my name!!! That completely validates my malady! I’m NOT the only one! Yes!

So the wife turns and glances at us. I see her shake her head, he kind of made a “I’m thinking….I’m thinking” motion and then he whispered to her, “Alan?” And she nodded. And that was it. Now I have to give the guy props because at least he REMEMBERED my name. I didn’t have the slightest clue what his was. But that’s what my wife is for. She remembers EVERYONE’S name. So…I asked her. And she remembered. And now I know. And she gave me an easy way to remember his name…he has the same name as a brand of jeans (Lee).

So, even though he eventually DID remember my name, at least I know now that someone else has a brain cloud also. It might not be as thick as mine, but it’s there. And I wonder how he will remember my name for the future? Maybe Ethan-Allen Furniture? I dunno. But here’s my problem…what do I do the next time I see him and I can’t remember his name but I know he shares his name with a brand of jeans and I call him “Levi?” Now THAT is gonna be embarrassing.

Maybe I’ll just stick with calling everyone “Dude”. That always seems to work anyways…

The Problem With Going To Bed Early

Last night I was in bed by 9:30pm eastern time. You would think that would be a good thing. The only problem is…I only sleep 6 to 7 hours a night. So now, at 5am, I’m wide awake and ready for some coffee. And my mind is racing. I could use a friendly ear. Would you be interested in a chat? You would? Okay then…

Hang on…let me get some coffee…

So today is the viewing for my Uncle Eddie. He passed away last Friday. Today I will see many of my relatives and family. The one thought that creeps into my head about this is that it’s sad that the death of one of our own is what brings us all together. There have been family reunions in the past, but due to scheduling conflicts or work or other responsibilities, there hasn’t been a reunion where everyone has been there since 2005 or so. Which is kind of sad. I have a great family. My Dad’s side has always been very close and I don’t know why I don’t see them more. I guess, over time, you just grow apart and go your own ways. Everyone understands and we all miss one another but it’s so hard anymore. I am probably the worst at keeping in touch. I’ve become so far removed from everything that I live in a little bubble. The only time I leave that bubble is when I go to visit my parents & siblings. Then THEY remember all the great stories of when we were younger. I barely remember where I was last week! Why is that? You would think that I would have great stories to tell…but I don’t. I do remember this…of all the people in my life, no one is more important to me than my family. The passing of my uncle  is sad, but it reminds me of who I am because it was my family who made me this way. Doesn’t matter if I rarely see them anymore, it was my uncles and aunts and cousins who helped me be who I am today. And I love them for it.

Christmas is almost upon me and I haven’t been bitten by “the bug” yet. If anything, I’ve been bitten by the “Bah…Hum Bug”! Too many other things going on. Worrying about money and the lack of it. Oh sure…I’ve been out shopping and seen how few people are out there, but for the most part, it all seems kind of quiet this year. I guess my brother & sister who work in retail probably know better. But for me…I just can’t seem to get into it. We went to see Santa yesterday and it just seemed so hurried. I wasn’t into it. The kids weren’t into it. Steph wasn’t really into it. When did Christmas become so listless? Is it the economy? Or are we all just burned out? I haven’t listened to one Christmas carol this year. Last year, I had them on all the time. Maybe it’s the weather? The weather has been really odd this season. Dunno. Maybe we should look into having Christmas once every other year. Maybe THEN I could get excited about it?

I’m having a hard time coming up with blog topics lately. Just can’t seem to get my head on straight. Between work and parental obligations and the holiday stress and all of the other stuff going on right now, it’s been hard putting fingers to keyboard. To try to stimulate interest…I changed my blog appearance. What do you think? Not diggin’ it? Yeah…me neither. I might change it back…I haven’t decided yet. 

A few days ago, I got into a discussion with someone (see…I told you I barely remember ANYTHING?!?) about blogging. Apparently historians are worried that with the advent of technology, the written word is about to be a thing of the past. The argument is that no one writes on paper anymore. So when this generation has come & gone, there will be no physical evidence that we were even here. I think that is crazy talk! Are you kidding me? Someone needs to figure out how to document what is online right now, because in this age, EVERYONE is writing! Texting and tweeting and blogging, all while walking and driving and working. You can’t tell me that there is no physical evidence! Just because we aren’t using a quill to write on papyrus doesn’t mean it isn’t being done! There is more writing going on out there now than there ever has been! The difficult part is to sort through all the crap! But the mindset of this generation is firmly in place and it’s available everywhere. So don’t go whining about how no one writes anymore. That argument is ridiculous.

I now have a half hour before I have to wake Christopher. Can I just say…waking my kids is the least favorite part of my day? I really wish I could just let them sleep until they wanted to get up. Why is it that school starts at 8am (-ish) when it could very easily start at 9, allowing the kids more sleep, allowing adults more time to get up and get them to school and then get to work. Someone told me the other day that their kids don’t have to be to school until 9am. I wish that were my kids’ case. I swear…with the night coming so quickly and staying so long…I wish I could sleep later. But…I don’t. Oh well. Next week the kids have the entire week off. I’m thinking they’ll both be up & rolling by 7:15 every morning. You watch…

Let’s see…what else is on my mind this morning…

I’m going to miss Ava’s ballet performance of “The Nutcracker” this weekend. And every, single one of Christopher’s basketball games this year. As much as I enjoy my job, I’m starting to wonder if it’s the wisest career choice. I miss so many great things. Birthday parties, family getaways with friends, sports activities. You name it, I’ve missed it. Makes it hard being a parent when you work on the weekends. I’ve been dealing with this for 7 years now…and it’s never gonna get any easier. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to decide what I can do to break even. Making money can’t be the entire reason for my existence…right? I have to be able to enjoy their youth at some point. This non-stop weekend job is grinding and I’m missing too much. And at what cost?

I have New Year’s Eve off this year. I wonder what I can do to kick start 2010? I’m not really a party kind of guy, but it seems like that might be something that would make this coming year different. I haven’t been out and about for New Year’s for many years. Usually, if I’m not working, we spend it at a friend’s house. It’s nice but maybe this year we should do something a little more extravagent? I dunno…but it sounds fun thinking about it…

Man it’s quiet around here. This is my favorite part of the day. Drinking coffee. Sitting with no lights on except for the computer screen and a small kitchen light. Quiet. But I know my family is close by and I can hear them rustling. I hear the cat’s paws on the kitchen floor. In 15 minutes I’ll go wake Christopher and the day will begin. Today will be a different day from yesterday. And tomorrow will be different from today. And yet everything will seem so familiar. And the world spins madly on…

Okay…thanks for listening. Gotta go refresh my java and get the morning paper. Chat with you again soon and if I don’t, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

-Alan