A Letter To My Back Pain

Dear Mr Sciatica,

Hello there. How are you? I see you’ve decided to make a return visit after I thought I had gotten rid of you a little over 4 months ago. Look…I realize that you and I are gonna have to learn to get along but so far, you’ve been nothing but a royal pain in my ass. No offense or anything, but if you’re gonna continue to keep showing up at the most inappropriate times (usually right before I go on a LONG road trip) then we’re gonna have to work out a deal or something because, quite frankly, you’re getting to be a little bit of a nuisance.

First off, let me just say this…I understand that I have had a pretty good life so far. I’ve had my way with you, not stretching before playing basketball or working out, not bending at the knees when lifting heavy objects, etc & so forth. I also know that I’m not the most flexible person and so the fact that you have decided to pay me a visit doesn’t surprise me one bit. And the fact that I sit on my butt all day at work, usually 8 or 9 hours at a time, with very little stretching or moving around, I’m not the least surprised that you’re a little upset with me and so you have decided to pay me back in spades. I get it. I’m not saying I don’t understand where you came from. What I AM wondering though is how or why you’ve chose the past week to hold up court on my backside, shooting pain down my right leg anytime you damn well please? I’m in the middle of 2 long weeks of work and travel and so you just decide to show up the week prior to the Super Bowl and give me fits? Nicely done there, Sciatica.

You know…I had almost 3 weeks off (except for weekends) there after Christmas…you couldn’t have decided to drop in then? Because then I would of had time to address your needs. But now I’m stuck in Indianapolis with nothing but my family doctor-prescribed drugs (seriously…what the hell is Hydrocodone and does it do ANYTHING to stop pain like this? Or how about Cyclobenzaprine? The names are impressive but their ability to stop pain is about the equivalent of downing 3 aspirin), a heating pad and my zap pack (electric stimulation is my friend). And I’m staring at a schedule that will have me sitting for hours on end and I gotta tell you…I’m a little worried. I don’t know how long I can continue to down these meds (that DO NOTHING) and zapping my hind quarters with a 9 volt and hope that I can handle the pain that you supply endlessly.

So if you don’t mind, please back off just a bit because people are starting to stare at me. I’m working a high profile event here and I’m limping around like The Gimp and I have cords from my zap pack tucked into my pocket and I’m sure I look highly suspicious and the last thing I need is to be gang tackled by a security agent named Biff who is just looking to go off on someone simply because he’s bored of standing out in the cold for 15 hours.

Make you a deal…you lay off for the next 6 days and I’ll promise to take care of you first thing next week. Because for the next 2 weeks I only have 1 day where I have to work but the rest of my schedule? Wide open. You and I can chat then about visitation rights then, mmmmkay? Thanks!

Sincerely,

Me

Feelin’ Mortal

I remember when I used to be young and…well…wore stupid looking hats…?

This week, there’s a new movie hitting the theaters called “Immortals.” I don’t really know what it’s about but the trailer makes it appear to be about the Greek gods and a war on humanity. Lots of bronzed skin, burly pecs, buxom brunettes and big, manly weapons.

Anyway…so I’m watching this trailer and I realize that, unlike the actors and actresses in this film who have Hollywood to make them look beautiful and…well…bronzed, I have no one but myself. Where Hollwood-ites can bring out their personal trainers and clothiers and high-end jewelers and makeup makers and have all kinds of help maintaining their youth, I have nothing and it’s starting to show.

I had a friend ask me the other day how I am feeling. She suffers from back pain and she was curious if I had recovered from my previous “bad back” episode that resulted in 2 spinal steroid injections and the answer is YES. I have recovered in that my back no longer hurts the way it did a little over a month ago. But I’m not the man I used to be, that’s for sure. Not that long ago, I probably would have bounced back from a pinched or herniated disc. I remember it happening quite often when I was in my 20′s and early 30′s. I would go to a chiropractor and get it worked out. Sometimes it might take me a week or two but I would get back in place and then I’d be out playing basketball again in a Thursday night league or on Tuesday morning with my buddies. That’s just the way youth handles the pains that it’s given. It got fixed or fixed itself and then it was off and runnin’ again!

But not anymore. Now I ache. After this last episode, I still have tingling in the 2 toes on my right foot. Usually I can’t feel them very well. And if I lay on my right side for too long my right lower back starts to yell at me a little bit. I’ve been told by my family doctor, many chiropractors, my orthopaedics, a couple masseuses and many of my friends, family and neighbors that I should be getting up every morning and stretching my back out, doing yoga or pilates or whatever new pretzel-shaping exercise they have out there these days. But do I do them?

Nah.

Should I do them? Possibly. But for whatever reason, I just don’t. I don’t know that I would call it lazy because I do go to the gym and I get on the treadmill or the elliptical and I lift some weights, do some stomach crunches and then call it a day. Do I do a 3 hour workout session? Hell no. I’m just not very flexible and the thought of twisting myself into shapes that my body just refuses to do just makes me feel defeated. Do I feel tired? Yes. A lot more here lately. And do I ache? Yes…for many things. And do those aches make me scared in any way? Of course. And every day I feel more and more mortal.

When I was younger, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted. If I got hurt, I could bounce back. If I couldn’t make a credit card payment, I could pay it next week. If I wanted to stay out until 3am on a weekday, I could still be coherent in the morning. But now? Not so much. Getting older is such a bitch and I can’t say it’s an easy ride. I’ve gained some weight, I look tired. I see myself in the mirror and I have to wonder where my youth has gone. I see my kids just so full of energy and there’s a part of me that wishes I could bottle up just a little bit of it and drink it when I need it. But, of course, that’s not possible so I try to keep up. With my kids, with my bank account, with my work, with my social calendar, with my life and sometimes I feel like I have it under control but usually? It’s a ridiculous jumble of a mess. I feel like it’s a constant struggle, trying to balance so many things these days. Just keeping up with email has become a daily routine that takes up a good chunk of my life and I always thought it was supposed to make things easier but it seems that it has just made things more complicated! Think about it…how much time of YOUR day is spent on the computer or on your smart phone, accessing email or attaining information in whatever way and then having to actually rearrange your life to get it all done?

Before this post goes spiraling out of control (like so many of my long-winded “woe is me” stories tend to do), let me just say this to my friend who asked so innocently and who then said that she reads my blog and was curious about my back pain (and Thank You for caring Elisa!)…

I am doing fine. And maybe at this age being fine ain’t so bad? Well…except for my poor piglet toes. Dunno what to do about them but I guess they will always be a reminder that I ain’t the boy I used to be. I’m not saying I’m giving up…I’m just saying that, after looking in the mirror, I see a different man than who I was 15 years ago and that guy ain’t coming back. So now…it’s time to figure out who THIS man is. And THAT is an on-going adventure. To wrap up this moderately meandering post…I quote from a Toby Keith song called “As Good As I Once Was”…

I ain’t as good as I once was
Thats just the cold hard truth
I still throw a few back, talk a little smack
When I’m feelin bullet proof
So don’t double dog dare me now
‘Cause I’d have to call your bluff

I ain’t as good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was
Maybe not be good as I once was
But I’m as good once as I ever was

Watch The Fine Print…

Because I couldn’t find any good photos that cover this topic and quite frankly…
monkeys are funny.

So today I had another orthopedic visit. This time we took a cool 3D look at my spine and all the stuff that’s in it. It’s interesting how technology has advanced to the point where they can find even the slightest, smallest, teeny-tiniest injury or abnormal thing going on in your body. In my case, the doctor readily pointed out as he zipped down my spine and around the nerve endings to a very small area near my tailbone that shows a slight bulge in a disc in my spine that is pushing nerve endings against my spinal column. This is what has been causing me so much pain in recent weeks and has caused my right leg and foot discomfort. When I say discomfort, I mean it feels like someone took a nap on my leg and it fell asleep. Know how your arm gets when you slept on it and it’s all tingly? Well…that’s how my leg feels all the time.

Anyway…so the doc gives me 2 options. Option #1: A steroid epidural. This kind of thing has happened to me before and I chose this option. Essentially what happens is they stick a long needle in my spine and squirt a steroid into the area around the disc. This calms down the irritation and helps it return to it’s normal shape & size.

Option #2: Surgery. The surgeon would go in and shave away some of the bone where the bulging disc was pressing on the nerves and this would give it some room and no more tingly leg for a while. This would probably take care of the problem for pretty much the rest of my life.

So I have a decision to make….right? Either take care of the problem for the now or take care of it for the future. Seems like a no brainer except for the added information that the nurse gave me as I was leaving the office today. Now I am not one to read the fine print because I’m impetuous like that however in this case the fine print wasn’t really “fine.” It was a sheet of paper that read like one of those penile disfunction commercials you see on tv every Sunday morning. You know the ones…they say “This product is great except you should consult your doctor because it causes ALL KINDS of medical disorders including but not limited to loss of muscle control, loss of appetite, loss of bowel control, swollen testis, possible life-threatening skin diseases, cataracts, discoloration of the skin, shortening of breath, loss of bladder control, anorexia and a WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER ISSUES!”

Yeesh! Now I GOTTA have THAT stuff! No thank you.

So this sheet of paper includes all of the possible things that could POSSIBLY go wrong during this short medical procedure. This includes but is not limited to the following…

• Blood vessel injury with possible excessive bleeding including abdominal vessels.
• Infection requiring antibiotics and possible further procedures.
• Nerve or spinal cord injury…blah blah blah…paralysis.
• Possible PERMANENT or CONTINUOUS pain of the back requiring addition surgical procedures.
• Post-operative problems including pulmonary, cardiac, renal and Thromboembolic (uh….ooookay?).
• Unsightly or painful scar.
• Unexpected change in operation at the time of surgery.
• Fracture, bleeding, or pain secondary to taking bone graft.
• Death
• Less than comple….

Wait.

WHAT?!?!

So back up a second. So if I decide that I might want to take care of this problem for the rest of my life and I decide to have the surgery there is a possibility that I might get a scar???

Forget that.

Needless to say…I’m gonna go with the epidural. It worked the last time and it will work this time and the truth be told is this…I’ve been in pain going on almost 3 weeks now. The meds they have given me have been great and have made the pain tolerable. The leg and foot thing are annoying but definitely NOT as annoying as possibly DYING over it.

So epidural it is and I’m getting epidural #1 on Wednesday. Last time it took 3 of them to tie this sucker up and put it away for 3 years. I figure if I have this problem for the rest of my life, then I’ll take it over any of the small print possibilities that apparently could happen with surgery. I realize that a majority of the procedures are probably 100% safe and I have nothing to worry about but still…if they gotta put it in print then I gotta imagine it has happened and it could happen again and I’m not rollin’ the dice this early in my life. Hell…I posted I was getting an epidural on my Facebook page and immediately someone chimed in that they had a friend of a person they knew who became PARALYZED because the technician apparently left the needle in for to long.

So I guess the lesson to be learned here is this…surgery for this problem is BAD. Epidural for this problem is only a little better. But you can bet your butt when I go in there on Wednesday to get this giant needle in my back the first question I’m gonna ask the technician is this…

“So…you don’t have to use the bathroom do you? If so…go now or forever hold your pee. Or at least hold it until that needle is out of my back. Thank you.”

Back To School & Other Matters

August 18, 2011. Doomsday for some. A national holiday for others. In this case, the “some” are my kids and the “others” are my wife & I as today was the first day back to school for our school district! Although they both like school, neither of my kids were too excited about the 7am wakeup call. Nevertheless they both got to school on time and without incident. Once again Christopher is breaking in a new teacher at his school (the 3rd time in 3 years) and Ava has our friend, Ms. Kendall, for her 2nd grade teacher. It’s an exciting time and somewhat scary considering we’ve heard nothing but horror stories about the 4th grade from almost everyone. Here’s hoping Christopher can handle the pressure!

In totally unrelated news, Christopher is playing football again this season and will play halfback and cornerback. So far he’s enjoying playing defense more than offense. We’ll see how long that lasts. And Ava is cheering for the Spartans this season and she is LOVING it!!! I’ll try to post some video here soon!

As for me…I visited the orthopedic today and had an MRI. I have another doctor visit on Monday to go over a course of action for my back pain. I am working the ATP event here in Cincinnati this weekend but he hooked me up with some medication so the pain will be minimal. I’m hoping to get a steroid epidural and then have some physical therapy starting next week. That should get me back to normal in no time.

Also I bought a new pair of glasses for myself. The glasses I have now have been falling apart for some time and I am in need of new ones. I’ll post a shot of me with the new ones once I get them (in 2 weeks. Really? It takes THAT long?) but the kids were more than happy to help me pick them out. Which ones do you think I got?

And that’s all I got. Oh…I saw “The Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes” today. My review is HERE. And if you like old-fashioned hairband rock & roll? Go check out the latest by the band “Hell Or Highwater.” I posted a review of their new album HERE. Go give my other blogs some love, will ya? Thanks!

Sciatica Sleep Schedule

Just cause rainbows & beaches make me sleepy…

So this week I’m in Atlanta Johns Creek, GA working the 93rd PGA Championship for CBS & Direct TV. I’m working in the Par 3 truck. What does that mean? It means we only cover the 4 holes that are par 3′s. So I will get to see a lot of high-arcing tee shots and possibly a hole-in-one (if I’m lucky). Anyway, our crew is staying at a local Marriott with quite possibly the hardest mattresses that money can buy. Needless to say, it’s been rough on me with this %#$@^# bulging disc I have in my lower back. So for the past 3 nights, I have managed to hit the hot tub in the gym and then settle into my room for a long night of tossing & turning. Here has been my sleep schedule. Seriously…over…it…

8pm – Eat dinner

9pm – Take 1 cyclobenzaprine tablet, 1 oxycodone tablet and 2 Tylanol PM.

9:30 – Lie down on left side, pillow between my legs and a slight buzzing in my right buttcheek.

10 to 10:15 – Fall asleep with tv on and iPhone by my side.

12am – Wake up with my back & right leg SCREAMING at me. The pain shoots down my right hip to my foot. I can barely walk as I get up.

12:10 – I get in the shower and crank up the hot water.

12:40 – I get out of shower, leg & back calmer but still has a throbbing sensation.

12:45 – Climb back into bed, watch infomercial or Weather Channel.

12:47 – Start tossing & turning, try to find a position that is comfortable to sleep in.

1am – Fall back to sleep.

3:35am – Go back to 12am and repeat.

5am – Go back to 12am and repeat.

5:47 – Don’t go back to sleep. This time the pain restarts when I lay down.

6am – Can’t get comfortable. Get up and take 1 oxycodone and 3 Aleve tablets.

6:50 – Get up and get in shower.

7:30 – Meet in hotel lobby and go to work. Get Dunkin Donuts coffee. This gives me 4 hours until the pain starts to make me a little crazy.

And that’s how it has been for 3 straight nights (except for this morning. This morning I went down and sat in the hot tub at 6am for 30 minutes. It feels great…until I get out). This sciatica thing sucks. I can’t wait until next week. I have 2 orthopedic appointments and I’m hoping to begin physical therapy and possibly get an epidural (or two) for this pain that won’t go away.

I know we all have aches & pains in our lives but I’m pretty much over this. I’m tired, cranky and the constant pain is wearing me out. So lets get this over with so I can go home already!!!

That is all.    >:(

What A Pain In The A$$

So it’s back. My back pain. Although I always kind of figured it would return I had secretly hoped that I would never have to deal with it again. Unfortunately that didn’t happen and so now I’m back to suffering. About 3 years ago, I slipped a disc in my back. The lower L5 has been and will be a constant source of struggle with me. Since my first experience with this pain (in college back in 1990), I have been to chiropractors, doctors, physical therapists, orthopedics and just about anyone who wants to give me advice on how to deal with this ailment. The oft answered question is “How can I stop this from happening?” Well…usually I hear stretching and core development. So…I recently went to a yoga class to see if that might help.

As I stated in THIS post, I thought it DID help. I felt really good after going to the hot yoga class and the little bit of pain that I was experiencing before I went in went away for a few days. Then something went wrong.

I don’t know if stretching the way I did allowed the disc to slip out and then as days went by the spine began to go back into place or what, but now I have the same pain I had back in 2008. It’s naggingly uncomfortable and, at certain times, kind of feels like someone has shot me in my right buttcheek. It makes for painful walking and I can never get comfortable. So now that it has happened again, I figured I would follow a similar path in order to get it taken care of. The only problem is…well…it’s expensive to take care of issues like this one.

The real pain didn’t start until Tuesday evening. I barely slept a wink that night, trying to get comfortable in bed. The next morning I called my family physician and the orthopedic that had helped me the last time. My family physician got me right in and gave me medicine to help ease my pain. I was charged $35 and sent on my way.

The orthopedic was more of an issue. I’m not sure why but a single visitation ran me $175. Plus the guy who saw me wasn’t really a back specialist. He was a shoulder & elbow specialist. The doctor I saw the previous times wasn’t able to see me until the following week. Well…being in the pain I was in, I decided to see the shoulder expert. I figured they work in the same office, he could diagnose me and then forward the paperwork to the back specialist. So I paid my $175 and then he hammered at my legs and decided that I had a herniated disc. So he recommended that I go to physical therapy and gave me a number and I was done.

Now…I might not be the smartest guy on the block, but $175 to tell me I have a herniated disc (which I already knew) and that I would need PT (which I figured) seems a little steep. So today I called to see if I could get in to see the back specialist and was told that would be another $175. So now I am still in pain and the money is flowing like water down the drain.

Needless to say, I am now looking at other options. First off, it seems utterly ridiculous that I need to see another doctor in that office so that he can do the exact same thing the shoulder expert did. I know what’s wrong with me and I know what needs to happen. The last time this occurred I ended up needing 3 epidurals and physical therapy. The third epidural lasted me over 3 years. The physical therapy was, unfortunately, not all that helpful. So in the case of this situation now, what do you figure I would assume needs to be done?

Get an epidural. Or two. Or possibly three. And you know they aren’t cheap. Starting at anywhere between $750 to $1,000, having back pain is an expensive venture. And I don’t mind paying for it but I want results. What I DO mind paying for is return visits to doctors who are all gonna tell me the same thing. So I am hoping I can find a good doctor somewhere who really WANTS to help me and doesn’t just want to take my money.

Note to patient care clinics…if you’re going to allow your shoulder & elbow specialist diagnose other physical problems, there needs to be communication within the group. Forcing me to plunk down that kind of change for no reason is a load of BS. You know it, I know it and I’m not gonna let you make me pay for it again. I don’t care if I’m in pain for another 3 months, I won’t be going back to Beacon just on principles alone.

So here I sit, constantly shifting and moving in my chair, hoping to find some comfort that’s not drug-induced and I am making phone calls, trying to find a way to heal without breaking my bank account. You might be asking, “Why not just have insurance pay for it?” Well…because the last time this happened I was under Stephanie’s health insurance plan from her work. When she quit there, we tried to find affordable health care but I was rejected because of my previous back issues. So I took a chance and now I’m paying for it. And I don’t mind paying for it but don’t make me move laterally in order to get the problem fixed. At best let me move forward and do what I know needs to be done.

The people at Beacon Orthopaedics apparently don’t feel the need to do that. So I’ll find someone else. $175 to see a doctor should be enough to cover a few minutes of the back specialists time. All he has to do is make a call and I could get an epidural within a couple of days. But apparently they don’t see any reason to do that. So I’ll opt out of my next $175 appointment and $250 physical therapy session, thank you. And I’ll take my back pain somewhere else. Back pain is a real pain in the a$$…and the expensive folks over at Beacon can kiss mine.

So Now I Know…

Goodbye, my old friend.

As I have been working out, trying to get into shape a little bit, working to make sure I lose some unwanted pounds and gain some much needed energy, there has always been a thought in the back of my mind…

If I can get back into shape and work on my core muscles to support my bad back, could I play basketball competitively again?

Well…I found out today. I always go to the gym a little bit early to warm up for my spinning class. My usual routine is to stretch a little, shoot around on the court a little, go do some sit-ups and then go to the class. Today, while I was shooting around, I tweaked my back. It’s not one of the “I can’t move at all because the pain is shooting down my leg!” types of tweaks. Actually it’s just a light aching in my back. Probably just a small pain that I will have to deal with for a couple of days. However it makes me nervous.

Everyone has pain of some sort. I know I’m not the only one. And I’m definitely not the only one with back pain. But the absolute worst pain I have ever felt in my life (and that includes having passed 2 kidney stones) happened to me last New Years in Jacksonville. My sciatica and a bulging disk in my back combined to force me to walk with a limp and, that evening in a hotel, I couldn’t lie on my bed. I had to sleep in a chair with several pillows propping me up. And the worst pain I have ever felt? I was trying to get comfortable and I sneezed. That sneeze hurt so bad (sending a searing pain down my entire right side of my body) that my whole body began to shake. I had to crawl to the shower and lean against the wall while letting hot water spray on me to calm my nerves. It was easily the most scared I have ever been.

So today I tweaked my back a little. I’m not scared of it, but it does make me rethink the whole idea of getting back on the basketball court and playing a pickup game with 9 guys I don’t know. I don’t think my well-being would be in their best interest and I know I would always be aware of the fact that I could hurt myself even worse if I was going in for a layup and got hit or if I was playing defense and someone set a pick and I ran into it. It’s just not worth it.

So now I know…my basketball days are officially over. Today I am feeling a little disappointed. However I’ll take disappointed over the pain that I had in January any day!