Seriously? Enough With The Cute Kitty Pictures…

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So we have our new kitten and I have been posting pictures on Facebook that I have tentatively entitled, “Ridiculously Cute Kitten Pictures Of The Day.” With all the craziness in our world happening right now, I figured no one would take offense to our little Reese in all of her cuteness. Surprisingly, I had a few people get a little vocal about the pictures, saying I have lost my edge and I’m caving in to the cuteness.

It is true. She IS too cute. I mean…just LOOK at her…

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Have you ever seen a kitten so damn cute? It’s ridiculous. Seriously…

And yes I’m aware that I have used the word “cute” in various forms several times in this post and I’m not even gonna apologize for it…

And Then “Toy Story 3″ Happened…

Christopher & Teddy

You remember the storyline of “Toy Story 3,” right? If not…let’s recap. Woody and his pals are put in a box and are ready for the junkheap because their “boy”, Andy, is all grown up and has no need for them. That is the premise and there are great adventures and eventually, the toys find their way back to Andy for an emotional ending.

Cue to MY house.

I decided it was time for spring cleaning. Had to happen because BOTH of my kids had been neglecting their rooms and, quite frankly, they were a disaster. Also our downstairs living room (which doubles as a kids playroom) had apparently been hit by a tornado so…dad went to work. And as always, there were casualties. The random Happy Meal toy…GONE! A stick from some backyard adventure…GONE! A couple hairbands with strands of hair attached…GONE! A Barbie shoe without a double…GONE! Pillows were fluffed and beds were made. The vacuum found its way out of its hiding place and floors were swept. Needless to say, I was a busy beaver for about 6 hours. Everything was looking good. I had about 5 garbage bags of trash ready to go when the kids got home from school and admired my handy work.

Ava was happy with my cleaning job, proclaiming me her new hero and she even told me that she had never seen her room so clean!

In Christopher’s room, Christopher was looking over everything. I told him I had put some things up in his closet, rearranged some of his playthings and organized his trophy shelves and such. He looked around the room and then did the unthinkable. He went over to his bed and, in one fell swoop, gathered up his 6 or 7 stuffed animals that he ALWAYS had in their place on his bed and handed them to me.

“I’m too old for them now. Can we just put them up in the closet also?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. Obviously this HAD to happen at some point but I hadn’t expected it to be so sudden. I imagined they would fall behind his bed and then would be left there or maybe Stella would start picking them off one by one, chewing on limbs or fins or whatever. But not like this. This was too easy! He wasn’t even blinking at the idea of putting them away and for whatever reason…this hit home with me.

“You sure, buddy?”

He looked over them as he handed them to me. He glanced at the cast of characters that had been decorating his bed for so long. Barkley the dog (the namesake of our REAL dog), a dolphin, 2 teddy bears (minus his favorite, Teddy, who is still down in the laundry room waiting to be washed from some art work disaster), a small stuffed pug and another dog of which I have forgotten its name. He glanced them over…

“Yeah…I’m sure.”

I took a deep breath and held his animals in my hands. “Okay…well…I’ll put them up here and if you ever want them, you can get to them, okay?”

“Okay dad. I wonder if AJ or Erik might want them (his cousins).”

This idea was a good one (see “Toy Story 3″) but for whatever reason, I don’t want that to happen. These animals are HIS childhood. So I’m pretty sure, they’re safe. These pals of his won’t be going anywhere out of our house. But I tell him that’s a good thought and I start to close his closet door when I stop for a second.

“You absolutely sure?” I look back at him and I see he’s thinking about it. I don’t know why, but this actually made me feel better that he was considering the whole situation. Then…

“Ya know…can I have Barkley back? He’s my favorite and the first stuffed animal my Grandpa gave me. I’d like to keep him with me.”

“Sure thing, bud. Here ya go.” And I reached up and handed Barkley back to him. Barkley is in serious need of some work. His stuffing is flat and his fur all matted but this is HIS. If anything can sum up a childhood, it’s a child’s favorite stuffed animal and so…for now…he keeps a little of that with him. I know he’s 10 and I know it’s time but still…I’m glad he held on to that one animal, just for now. It tells me I still have a little time. He’s not all grown up just yet…and with that thought…I took a deep breath and went on with my day.

Barkley & Barkley

Welcome Garvey!

Garvey!

So with Bootsie gone, it was only natural that a NEW pet pop into our lives. With all kinds of energy and a bit of a whimper (lots of whimpering actually), little Garvey has found his way into our hearts. Found by our friend on Garvey St., this little rascal is all kinds of fun. The kids absolutely LOVE him and he loves to run around, loves to be held and LOVES to lick. He’s a little ball of craziness in our home and we are so happy to have him. Especially Barkley. Barkley is feeling all kinds of love for him right now…

Oooooor not?

What?!?! What did I do???

In a funny related story…today I took Garvey on a ride to get the kids from school. He enjoyed the music and feeling the cool breeze as I left the window cracked. The one thing I noticed about him that was different from Barkley was that he sheds considerably more and in our mostly black interior of Stephanie’s car…you can definitely tell he’s been there. So when we get home, Stephanie come to greet the kids at the door and I whisper to her…

“He shed all over your car!”

She looked at me confused and horrified and responded out loud…”He shit in the car?”

Um…no. LOL!!! And I’m sure there are more stories to come!

Dog Talk

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Yes…I love my dog, Barkley, like he’s one of my own children. He has become one of our family and is a great housepet (even if he does roll in other animals’ feces and tends to want to pee in our basement. What is UP with that???). And I LOVE it when he sits on the couch and licks himself while I’m watching t.v. That’s the greatest sound ever (yeesh)! But the one thing I refuse to do is TALK to him like he’s a 2-year old. But that is exactly what my wife does every night before we go to bed. It’s her way of getting Barkley to eat his dinner and it’s the most hysterical thing I’ve ever heard!

Imagine…Barkley comes in from his final trip outside for the evening. My wife gets him some dog food in his bowl and then proceeds to say THIS exact same thing in some kind of baby-talk speak EVERY night once he comes back in…

“Look Barkley! Your dinner! It’s delicious! Eat your dinner boy! Tasty, delicious dinner…”

I know, I know…the written word doesn’t really do this whole “conversation” justice. It’s all very silly and Barkley gets all fired up! His tail wags, he starts nashing his teeth. It’s really quite a sight! And it’s ridiculous on all levels…

Trust me, when I feed him, it’s a totally different process altogether. I pour in the food, sit it on the floor and say, “Eat or else, dog.” And then I go sit on the couch, drink my beer and scratch myself. Hey…it’s what we guys do…

(No I don’t. I do the exact same thing my wife does, just not as well. But I would never tell YOU that! Seriously…Barkley’s reaction is the cutest thing ever. I can’t help myself! LOL)

True Or False: I Have 3 Kids

Wikipedia…the bastion of all things that are true & real (much like television), lists a misnomer as…

“A term which suggests an interpretation that is known to be untrue. Such incorrect terms sometimes derived their names because of the form, action, or origin of the subject—becoming named popularly or widely referenced—long before their true natures were known.”

I honestly have no idea what that means..but here is my point: most people think I have 2 children. THAT is a misnomer. Because I have 3. No, no…I don’t have a child with another woman. Seriously…when would I have the time? No…my 3rd child lives in my house and he is a little different than the others. It’s because he is a dog. Now…the other 2 animals that live in my house are felines…and they understand that they are in charge and there is no disputing this. However, my dog Barkley somehow thinks that he is one of the kids and feels that he should get just as much attention (if not more) than they do! He is constantly at me, as soon as I walk in the door. Jumping around, wanting to play, wanting to eat my food. It’s getting a little disconcerting.

I gotta give the pup credit though. Every morning he wakes up and he’s happy to see me. I might be in a bad mood as I shuffle to the kitchen door to let him out, but he always follows behind me so he doesn’t get in my way. He shakes and trots and, as I open the door for him, he waits until I pat him on his head before he goes out. Seriously…he won’t go out until I pat him on the head! How this all started, I’m not sure. And then when he comes back in…he gets a treat. And if I decide (because I’m evil and can be a shithead some mornings) that he doesn’t NEED a treat, I get the staredown treatment. Which means he doesn’t take his eyes off of me the entire morning unless he gets that treat! It’s like he’s a crack addict or something with these damn dog treats already!

And don’t even come into our house and utter the word “toy”. Because if you do…be prepared for hours of non-stop annoyance entertainment! He loves to wrestle with this red & white rope that we got him as a gift. And if he can’t find it, he’s got a whole toy box behind the chair that he can pull out and use. And what does he want ME to do with this? Well…I have to tug at the other end, of course. What fun is chewing on a rope if there’s not someone on the other end trying to pull it away? Oh the humanity if you don’t PULL ON THE DAMN ROPE ALREADY!!!

So…let’s not be fooled into thinking that I have only 2 children. That is definitely a misnomer. I have 3. The 3rd one is named Barkley. He is a dog. And he likes to play with his….shhhhhhhhhhhh….

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BFF’s

As I’ve stated many times, my daughter is MUCH easier to watch than my son. Christopher is active and constantly moving. So he always wants to play football, or throw the baseball, or play basketball or jump on me or wrestle or tackle or any number of things that require me to cover my crotch. My daughter, on the other hand, is much nicer to play with!

Whether it’s getting my nails painted (toes only, please!) or getting my haircut or going to the doctor (I get lots of shots and earchecks), I don’t ever have to even move from the couch with Ava. As a matter of fact, the other day we played hide and seek and I didn’t move a muscle! She hid in the closet 3 times and I just waited for her to peek out and I would say “I see you!!” And that was the game!

Also with Ava, her best friend forever (BFF) is Barkley. No matter what torture she performs on our little Puff, he simply lies there and lets her curl his ears, hug him, kiss him and snuggle with him. He’s a great friend for her, considering there are no girls on our street for her to play with and daddy can only take so much makeup sessions and girl talk. He’s a great sport and she loves him dearly.

It’s great having a BFF. Even if he does lick his own butt and smells like…well…like a dog! LOL

My Dog Eats Pooh

Why, oh why, does my dog eat other animals’ feces? Seriously, there’s gotta be a better snack than that! I feed him dog treats and scraps and his dog food. So he’s got plenty to choose from! So why on earth of all that is holy does this stupid dog have to eat POOP?

Apparently nobody knows or understands what this is in a dog. Barkley isn’t the only one. Not only do dogs enjoy eating it, but they also like rolling in it. It must be like cologne for dogs or something the way they roll in it. It’s crazy!

So my dog eats poop. It’s disgusting and horrible and smelly and nasty…and I still love him!

But he ain’t lickin’ MY face!