His eyebrows are…HYPNOTIC!
As I get older, there are things about reelin’ in the years that kinda wear me down. Getting slower. Getting fatter. Getting that old guy smell. Okay…I’m not quite there yet…but I’m sure I will be aromatic some day! And then there is hair.
Granted, I am a lucky guy in this department. I have a slight bald spot which I am reminded of every summer before I mow the grass. As I go to fire up the lawnmower, my wife comes bopping after me with the sunblock and rubs it on my noggin’. But other than that, I have a full head of hair, so I don’t see a combover any time in the near future.
I also do not have back hair. Which is a good thing because back hair is kinda gross and weird. If I DID have back hair I would have it shaved off or waxed. It’s just a preference. Not that there is anything wrong with back hair. Some of my best friends have it and I’m sure their wives or girlfriends love it! The more shag there is, the more heat…know what I mean? *wink*
So what I have an issue with (which is why this is in my “What The Heck…” column) is ear and nose hair. Seriously…what the heck is up with this stuff? What was God thinking when he decided that older men would have this stuff growing out of their orifices? And add in the eyebrows as well. Let’s see…let’s lose it on top and grow it everywhere else!
In my home, we don’t have the best lighting in the bathroom, so everytime I get ready in the morning, I dry my hair, slap on some facial lotion (keeps my face nice and young!) and get on about my day. With the poor lighting, I can’t see that I have ear hair that is long enough to be braided and nose hair that Tarzan could swing from! I never seem to notice this stuff unless I’m at work or someone else’s bathroom and I see it and then I’m aware of it and I’m thinking to myself, “Is anyone else seeing this?” the rest of the afternoon! It’s weird! And somewhat disgusting and I don’t like it.
So I might have to have my ears and nose waxed. I realize it might hurt just a little…but it can’t compare to the embarrassment. And to God I must ask…if you’re gonna make me look like And Rooney by the age of 45, can I at least have a little warning? Because I don’t want to end up looking like my dog, Barkley, who is a Chinese Crested Puff and is SUPPOSED to have eyebrows the size of a dustbroom…