Gotta Fix The Commode

Dude..I feel your pain…

As just about anyone in my family will tell you…I am the worst handyman husband in the entire world. As much as I want to be able to make repairs to the concrete on our house or replace a sump pump or rewire our electric box or even change a light bulb, I kinda suck at it. I have skills in other areas (such as graphic design, computer editing, blogging), but handyman work is really not in my expertise.

My brother, Frank (who is also trying his hand at blogging, but should probably stick to repairing his roof) can do just about anything with his house (and everyone elses!). He could probably build a guest house in his backyard with 2 bedrooms and running water before I could figure out how to replace a leaky faucet! I don’t know why I didn’t get the repairman gene, but obviously I was skipped in the pool, ’cause I got nothin’.

So now our upstairs toilet is busted. The thingamajiggy that hooks to the thingamabob broke last week when I ripped it out of the…toilet storage area (?). It’s the pump thing thing. You know what I’m talking about, right? Anyways…since you seem to be following along…I gotta fix THAT thing. So I went to Home Depot, pretended I knew what it was I needed to buy, and plunked down my credit card for one of those hoochibobbies. I opened the box and saw that it came with instructions that had tools and stuff on it. So I should be okay…right? I mean…a third grader could fix something that came with the instructions that are not only written but have illustrations…right? I’m bound and determined to prove to my wife that I, her loving husband, can come through and make all of the world right. Right? I can do this…I know I can. Just have to concentrate and figure it out. It’s gotta be pretty easy…

But here’s the thought that keeps going through my mind…I’m picturing crap, and lots of it, flowing out of the commode, all over the house because I forgot to connect the pooperthinger to the hoochibobber and me having to swim through it to get to the toilet while the kids are crying and my wife stands with her hands on her hips (you know the stance) scolding me for doing it wrong…

Not a good thought. I WANT to be the hero! I want to be a good father and husband and know how to repair stuff! I just don’t have the interest, I guess. But I gotta hell of an imagination! And THAT is what is gonna get me up there to repair the toilet. In MY mind, there will be much accolades and a parade and a huge feast once it’s all repaired and working again! My daughter will hug me, my son will be in awe! And my wife…well…she will be very appreciative! I can’t WAIT to fix my commode with my two bare hands!

Okay…maybe not with my two bare hands. I think I’ll wear rubber gloves. Repairmen wear gloves, right?

Seriously…not even I’m THIS stupid. Are you KIDDING ME?!?!? YUCK!!!


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6 Responses to Gotta Fix The Commode

  1. kat says:

    had me fooled with the picture for a second. thought I was going to have to call you QUICK. YUCK!!

  2. kat says:

    bill said to tell you that whatever you do, absolutely DO NOT

  3. Briefcase can’t even get a nail into the wall. I learned a long time ago it is much cheaper to higher a repairman BEFORE he “fixes” anything. If I wait and call the repair guy AFTER Briefcase has fiddled with stuff, the costs double!

  4. fjl21 says:

    So THAT’S how you know so much about repairing stuff…I had no idea!

  5. danielle-lee says:

    There is absolutely no way I would put something in my mouth that was IN THE TOILET BOWL. It’s bad enough when I actually have to puke….that’s already just too close for comfort. The pot was made for butts, not mouths! Ick!!!
    Anyway, yeah…call a damn plumber and be done with it.

    Actually…I did it all on my own…and it actually works! Yay for me! However…there was no parade or accolades. Just a “nice job” and a “now here’s 18 other things that need to be done”…

  6. mandy says:

    Uh, the Maytag man’s “pain” is that he DOESN’T have anything to do. So, you should actually be envious of him. Geesh.

    Congrats on a job well done. We actually threw a parade for you ten minutes ago, where the heck were you?

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