Have You Ever Seen A Grown Man Naked?

Damn…I am just soooo good lookin’!

What is it with guys at the gym? First, most of them seem to love to stare at themselves in these hugh mirrors while they work out. Am I the only guy on the planet who would much rather watch the women working out than myself? Because it’s almost uncomfortable to be lifting weights (or in my case, sitting at the end of a bench and pretending to lift weights) and I look around and there are 3 or 4 guys who look like they are juiced up on steroids staring at themselves in the mirror. What’s the deal? Haven’t they ever seen themselves?

And then when I go to leave the gym, there are 15 butt naked guys hanging out in the locker room. WTF??? Just lounging in the locker room. Nothing better to do than let it all hang out there for everyone to see. And I have to ask…why? Why would you want to do that? I mean, even if you ARE good-looking, wouldn’t you rather go show off in a yoga class or something? Let the ladies look at those humongous pecs and the nicely sculpted legs (which, by the way, none of them have)? I mean seriously…you’re hanging out and hogging all the space and I have to get to my spin class so I can work up a sweat. You chat with your boys hangin’ out on your own time. I got places to go…like to the restroom so I can pee.

Today I was at the gym, changing into my workout garb and I was watching ESPN on the locker room wall. Audio was up, but all I could hear was maybe 4 guys in the shower talking about the economy and what workout plan they were on. Seriously? I’m trying to watch highlights and you’re talking REALLY LOUD! There is only one rule in a shower for me and that’s “Don’t drop the soap”. No way I’m holding a conversation while I’m cleaning off my manly parts. You gotta chat? Hit the local pub or something. But not in the shower guys. It’s just weird…

And now that I’m on a roll…a couple of weeks ago I’m in the commodal commodities and some guy walks in while talking on his cell phone, goes into a stall and proceeds to do what you do in a stall (maybe fire up some ‘roids? I dunno…) and CONTINUES TALKING ON THE PHONE?!?! Are you serious? Screw that! If I’m doin’ that, I’m gonna politely tell you that I have to call you back, ’cause I’ve got to drop the kids off at the pool. Then I do my bidness and call ya back! But…no…ya just don’t take a crap and talk on the phone. Not cool.

So…yeah…I’ve seen a grown man naked…and it ain’t pretty. As for me, if I feel the need to show anybody what my butt looks like, I’ll hitch a ride to California and flash some trains ’cause if I’m gonna do it, I might as well be having fun. And doing it nowhere near where someone might know who I am…

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9 Responses to Have You Ever Seen A Grown Man Naked?

  1. Ha ha!
    And I love naked men … can I come visit that locker room?

    Sure! Knock yourself out! Shoot me an email and I’ll get you the address. But trust me…these ain’t 24 year old guys I’m talking about here…LOL

  2. mom says:

    Only thing in that picture that looks like you is the hair. What happened to my son? And have I ever seen a naked man: well at age 67 all I have to say is “Precious Memories, how they linger!!!!”

    It might have been best if you hadn’t responded to this particular blog Mom…but thanks for reading! 🙂

  3. Allison says:

    Like you said, good thing I wasn’t in your gym to experience the whole men’s locker room thing….the worst I had to endure was witnessing a hairy leg in the shower. It could have been much worse. Like 15 butt naked guys. Well, I guess it would have depended on the guys.

  4. kmcdade says:

    I know nothing about the locker room, but you’re SUPPOSED to look at yourself in the mirror, to make sure you’re doing it right. 🙂

    Believe it or not…I did not know that! My wife informed me of that last night as well! I’ve never been a gym rat…so no one ever told me! LOL

  5. rambleicious says:

    The women’s locker room isn’t much better.

    Gagging on the scent of floral perfume, chlorine and hairspray sucks too.

    As does listening to 14 year old girls yap on their cell phones in the most annoying Valley Girl voices known to man and having a much older woman wink at you after “accidentally” touching your naked ass in the communal shower area.

  6. mom says:

    Yes, you ARE supposed to look in the mirror to make sure you are doing it right, but flexing the muscles, posing with the biceps, etc. Naw….you’re right Alan. When you see them there in front of the mirror for an extended time, they aren’t checking their position, they’re checking out their own bods. Believe it!!! Been there, seen it……Mom

  7. Midlife Slices says:

    Hahah….I loved the comment from Mom and your reply. Gotta love a mother who supports her son no matter what he talks about. 🙂

  8. I just found this post because it was over in your “Top posts” widget…and I thought to myself “ummm…where is he going with THAT?”

    Now that I see (and now that your mom has cracked me up) I concur that there is far too much nekkid awkwardness in the gyms. Which is a big part of the reason I joined the gym I have now—PRIVATE bathrooms. No more hairy naked guy who cant wrap a towel around himself. No more dodging a “Tea baggin” when the dude at the next locker bends over to get dressed while Im sitting on the bench tying my shoes.

    Seriously…I’m over the naked old man ass in my face…

  9. Paul says:

    I’m one of those old men (64) working with a gym trainer to put
    some muscle on these skinny ribs and arms. I grew up with high school gym where they forced everyone to strip and shower
    in a huge shower room. We got used to it. One guy peed while showering–OK, it all goes to the same place.

    It sounds like your locker room has become a nudist venue– that can be a problem like with overcrowding. They need a
    special gym, right? A gay bath house would fit, except the gym
    facilities might be an after-thought, sucky old eqpt., cruddy, etc.

    Anyone else have a suggestion?

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