Can I get this thing battery operated?
In the 1960’s, there was a doll that, if you pulled a string in her back, she would talk. She had a variety of things to talk about and the lines changed every time you pulled the string. Cut to today. The doll STILL exists…but she is in the form of my 4-year old daughter who, although without a string, can talk NON-STOP for HOURS on end!
I’m not gonna bad-mouth my daughter here because quite frankly she’s the apple of my eye. I love her more than words can express. However, I have to wonder, for those of you stay-at-home parents out there with a 4-year old…how do you do it? Because my mental state of health is in serious jeopardy right now! Case in point…last night we went to the mall to buy Ava some pants for the cooler weather we are having and because she grew 4 INCHES (???) this year. So off we go…little suburban family…to the mall.
We get there and we are ready to shop. It’s Ava, Christopher, myself and She-Who-Hate-Me (also known as my wife). Normally we enter the mall through Sears. Tonight it’s JC Penney…
Me: “Okay guys. We’re gonna go in, buy Ava some pants, get some dinner and head home…okay?”
Ava: “Is this the mall?”
Me: “Yes Ava…this is the mall.”
Ava: “I don’t think this is the mall. What is this place? Are we going to eat here?”
Me: “Yep…we’re gonna eat here. And this IS the mall, honey.”
Ava: “Are we gonna buy clothes here?”
Ava: “I don’t think I want to eat here Daddy.”
Me: “We’re not eating here Ava…we’re gonna eat at the Food Court. We’re buying you pants here.”
Ava: “But I thought we were buying pants at the mall?”
Me: “This IS the mall, Ava.”
Ava: “But I’m hungry…and I want to eat at the mall. Did you see my bandaids that the doctor gave me today? I got 6 shots! They gave me a sticker. Are we gonna buy my pants at this store? I don’t see any princess dresses. Where is the food? Is Christopher gonna eat at the mall?”
At this point we are IN the store and Christopher has started touching every piece of clothing within his reach. My conversation now has to break into 2 parts…
Christopher: “Oooooh! Hey Dad! Look at this! This shirt comes with a tractor!”
Me: “That’s great Christopher. Just look, okay buddy? Don’t touch. And we’re here to buy your sister some pants…”
Christopher: “Yeah…but aren’t they coooooool? Hey! Look at this! (touching something else. Pulling it off the rack) Can I get this Dad?”
Ava: “Look at this cool tractor on this shirt, daddy! Can Christopher get this shirt? Are we gonna eat here?”
And on and on and on and on and on. Meanwhile She-Who-Hate-Me already has steam coming out her ears and is frantically putting all of the crap that they keep pulling down back on the rack. Good times…
I swear…if I’m not insane by the end of this week it will be a complete surprise…