What The Heck…Zombies!?!

Must…make…my…flight…uuuuuuuuugh….

You may not know it from reading my blog, but I’m actually a very happy and mostly non-confrontational person. Coming from a small town, I grew up with small town values and have always been accepting of people. Whenever I walk past someone and we make eye contact, I always say “hello”. I always say “Bless you” when someone sneezes and “excuse me” when I am trying to get past someone or get out of someone’s way. It’s just the way I am. But the world has changed since the days of my upbringing. The world has been over-run by….*gulp*….ZOMBIES!

I don’t know if you’ve seen them…but they are everywhere! They are at the mall, crowding around me as I window shop. They are at the airport, mumbling and pushing in front of me as I get my bag. They are on my street, staring and never saying a word. Looking at me suspiciously. Angrily.

I realize that zombies are like regular people (except for the fact that they have no SOUL). But why so unfriendly? I mean, I’m not one to complain, but if I’m standing in a spot, waiting for my bag, wouldn’t it make sense that a “excuse me” might make we want to move out of your way? Maybe I could even help a zombie get it’s bag off the belt! But I have no interest in helping you, zombie, if you are rude and staring at me with those angry, red eyes and the snarling demeanor.

I know that life can’t be easy for a zombie. What with people having such bad opinion of them and all. But maybe that would change if they didn’t jump on the first opportunity to be so angry all the time. I don’t know if I agree that zombies should be able to drive, but I have found that they are very susceptible to honking their horns at any possible moment where there might be someone impeding their progress. Apparently zombies have a lot to get done and don’t like you to be in their way! The horn is the easiest way for them to express themselves (other than eating your arm off), so they use it whenever they can.

And obviously zombies just aren’t that friendly. Whenever I pass an undead, I always nod as I pass. Usually (but not always) all I hear is a murmur or an unfriendly glance. Ocassionally one will acknowledge that I have made a friendly gesture, but usually it is met with a quick glance away. Why so unfriendly, zombie? Hasn’t anyone ever taught you that a friendly hello could make someone’s day? That a smile isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of unity? Why do you stroll on past, one gnarled leg in front of the other, never thinking to return such a simple gesture?

Zombies must live very unfulfilling lives and are probably gonna vote for the republican ticket (Sorry…I HAD to throw that in here! LOL). I feel sorry for them. I wish I could show them that we must all live here together and need to get along. But if a zombie gets in my way one more time, forcing it’s way into my path without so much as an “exuse me” or “pardon moi”, I will reach for my zombie stick and bash it in the head! I’m done with you ZOMBIES! Now…show some FREAKIN’ MANNERS before I get all primevil on your ass!

But I promise I will do it with a smile! 🙂