Dodgeball: A True Political Debate Story

One of my favorite movies ever is the comedy “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”. “Why?” you might ask? Because it’s stupid. And it has a zillion great lines in it. Many which could have been used in tonight’s final political debate. Let me begin by saying tonight’s debate was 4,367 times better than the last piece of crap “town hall” moderated by Tom Brokaw. With Bob Schieffer at the helm, THIS is what the American people deserved…and fortunately (or unfortunately) it happened less than 20 days before the election.

PATCHES O’HOULIHAN: “If you’re going to become true dodgeballers, then you’ve got to learn the five D’s of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge!”

Once again, the spinsters will spin and tell you their side won the battle, but the truth of the matter is…both candidates did what they were supposed to do. They came out to play the game. And they both played well enough. Senator John McCain came out throwing. And Senator Barack Obama did what all good dodgeball players do…he talked the talk at the line, and then backed up to the back of the gym and let McCain lob ball after ball at him, never really getting close enough to knock him out of his game.

WHITE GOODMAN: “Oh, I don’t think I’m a lot dumber than you think that I thought I was once.”

Is there anyone else out there who thinks that McCain just isn’t the public speaker that Obama is? Not that that is any qualification for being President. Hell…I have no idea what Bush has been saying for 8 years now! So the fact that McCain can at least put coherent sentences together is promising from the Republican side of it. I just wished he didn’t look so blindsided most of the time. The cheesy smile and half-handed glances from side to side were making me a little uncomfortable for him.

SPORTS ANNOUNCER COTTON McKNIGHT: “Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn’t occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!”

And Obama, as deft as he is at deflecting criticism and moving past uncomfortable issues by jumping right back on the “economy/healthcare/kids in school” refrain, moved from side to side, smiling and grimacing at each lobbed ball, never really throwing a hard one at his opponents groin. Instead, he looked happy to watch the balls fly by and occassionally reached to catch one.

SPORTS ANNOUNCER COTTON McKNIGHT: “It’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.”

Neither man really delivered a knockout blow to the head…and you know what? That’s okay. I am of the opinion that MOST Americans already know who they are gonna vote for. They’ve probably known for months now. But watching tonight, I can’t imagine anyone would change their minds after watching tonight’s roundtable. Both Senators answered questions about their campaigns (although I would have liked to have heard Obama support his marketing campaign a little more thoroughly. The attack ads of both candidates have become unbearable!). They both laid out their economic plans in a way that you can now, to some degree, understand it. They both talked about healthcare. They both talked a little too briefly on education in our country. And not surprisingly, they talked about abortion.

PATCHES O’HOULIHAN: “If you want to have dodgeball victory, you have to grab it by its haunches and you gotta hump it into submission!”

Once again…Roe vs Wade reared it’s ugly head and hooked it’s ugly fangs into yet another campaign. Look…this is America. If there ever was a place for free speech, abortion is it. I am, by all accounts, sick and tired of hearing about it. But this is where I found what I am looking for in my choice for President, and I think most people who are voting will agree…there is NO middle ground on this topic. It’s what makes it such a great centerpiece for so many campaigns. You either agree or disagree with it. I found both politicians response to the abortion issue to be both insightful and credible. Obama is pro-choice. McCain is anti-abortion.

PETER LA FLEUR: “There’s someone out there for everybody. And in some cases, there’s two somebodies for one person. I like to call that “the jackpot”.  

So with all the other amazingly complex issues floating around out there. With the economy in the crapper (do you honestly believe that either man is gonna turn the economy around in 4 years? Get real.). With national healthcare at a crossroad (who is gonna be able to afford it? If McCain cuts you a $5,000 check, ya gonna spend it on healthcare? Or a high-def tv?). With all of the character issues (I liked that Obama faced the “shady characters” questions. I just don’t know if it was all there is to it.). With all of the hubub about children with special needs (and for the record, Palin’s child has DOWN’S SYNDROME. Not autism. Apparently McCain has forgotten.) and all the other periforal subjects that were discussed, it all kinda boiled down to abortion.

COTTON McKNIGHT: “Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I’ve even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we’ve witnessed here today!”

So, as you can guess, the one I believe in was Obama. It is a woman’s choice, with the guidance of her family, her church and her own personal beliefs, that should lead the way when deciding on whether to abort an unborn child. That is it. It is what I have always believed in. Of course, that’s not the only reason I’m gonna vote for him. But for this particular blog, it seems that is enough.

Before I go (and this WILL be the final political blog until the election), it is in my opinion that whoever is voted President is gonna have a tough road to walk. There are so many issues that it is gonna take 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to get a jump on the situation we find ourselves in in this country. But I believe in America. I believe we are still the greatest country in the world. I believe that, as a country, we can still do good, for ourselves and for others, and still keep the American dream alive. I just hope the next President truly believes it also and works his ass off to make this country a better place than it was yesterday.

And as I wrap this up, I leave you with a quote from Patches O’Houlihan…

“Will someone catch a goddamn ball? It’s like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob out there!”

And that pretty much sums it up. Let the election begin!

(If you’ve never seen “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story”, you should! And then you’ll understand all of the goofy quotes used in this here blog of mine!)

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2 Responses to Dodgeball: A True Political Debate Story

  1. mom says:

    Son: Didn’t get to see your blog yet, so, hence, no comments. You know I’m going to comment on politics! First, (and I just saw a clip on this on Hardball, so I can almost quote verbatim): Obama: No, it will take at least 10 years. I am going to put programs in place that will work, and if they don’t work, we’ll get rid of therm. Bob S. to McCain: Sure I can (4 years). Blah, blah, blah. Second: McCain is NOT going to cut YOU a check for $5,000.00, so get the big-screen t.v. out of your vision!!! It says, as Obama brought up, in McCains OWN blog, that the $5000.00 check wil go DIRECTLY to your health provider. Also, EVEN THOUGH you are paying for your health insurance, if you use it, THE AMOUNT OF MONEY PAID BY THE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANY TO YOUR DOCTOR IS ADDED TO YOUR ANNUAL GROSS INCOME SO IT CAN BE TAXED. That includes dad and I and all seniors who, by the way, PAY for Medicare and for Supplemental Insurance (to cover whatever Medicare doesn’t cover) will be sent 1099’s, so that we, also will have to pay taxes on whatever payments were made to our Dr. bills. That is taking money twice from us all. First, our health care premiums, then tax it because we are USING our health care. In your type of language….screwed twice. So, now, this is MY OPINION: If someone doesn’t vote for Obama because he DOESN’T LIKE HIS POLICIES, O-K. But if he/she doesn’t vote for him because he is BLACK, here is the question: How can you call yourself a Christian? God is COLOR BLIND!!!

  2. Danielle-lee says:

    GO MOM! 🙂
    I am so worn out by all of this. I jsut don’t even have the energy to discuss it anymore. Sorry. 🙂

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