What The Heck…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover?

HUSBAND READER: Look…I realize that ‘Sports Illustrated’ has to sell magazines in order to meet it’s quota. And the Swimsuit edition is the “Super Bowl” in it’s arsenal. Scantily-clad models and sports figures, some wearing swimsuits, some wearing body paint, some not wearing ANYTHING (but positioned juuuuust right). So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this year’s cover. I mean…we KNEW it would come to this, right? So now…we have a really good-looking bikini model poised to take it all off, right here on the cover?!? Seriously???

I mean…she’s almost got it down to her hoo-ha, for crying out loud! And we can see that she has a tan line…but do we really need to? I mean, she would have looked just fine with her bikini bottom up and her hands on her hips. She is definitely a good-looking covergirl! Why get all “Playboy” on us? Now I can’t go buy this because my wife will think I’m bringing smut into the house!

Someone has to talk to the guys over at ‘SI’ and explain to them how this works. Wives do NOT want smut in the house. Wives do not CARE about sports magazines. So if you want me to buy your magazine, you can’t be having some hot chick flashing her…private AREAS…all over the cover! I can’t bring that home! I would be in the doghouse for MONTHS! You want me to buy your magazine, right?!?! Then tuck THIS picture somewhere in the middle! Maybe a pullout or something. ‘Cause then it’ not out there for the whole world to see! Geezuz…what are your editors thinking???

GUY READER: To the editors at Sports Illustrated…this cover is SMOKING HOT! Way to go!!!

HUSBAND READER: Hey! Stop that! Get back in my brain!!! Okay…so we’re clear here…hot pictures on the inside. No women’s hoo-ha’s on the outside. Right? Right…

GUY READER: Whatever. Awesome cover. You guys ROCK!

HUSBAND READER: *sigh*…nevermind…

This entry was posted in Silly Stuff, Sports Talk, Thoughts, What The Heck...? and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to What The Heck…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover?

  1. OMG this is awesome…your two sides of your brain fighting…and from a “wife” side. I couldn’t agree with you more, however, she IS pretty hot. 🙂

  2. Try working in a law firm where the lesbian paralegal keeps pulling out the issue (from 3 years ago I might add) in the magazine pile in the lobby and putting it on the top.


    I finally stuffed it behind the couch out there.

    Personally I don’t care if it’s in the house…but be prepared to see the cover with doodles and blacked out teeth/eyes/added body hair.

    Oh that’s it! Defigure the hottie!

  3. mop master says:

    Be careful you don’t want to get to in touch with that wife side. If you cross over too often there might not be any going back. LOL!! I agree the picture doesn’t need to be on the cover. I am sure most men are capable of turning pages to find it.

  4. Blah la Blah says:

    Ah ha ha… that is funny! But you are so right. No copy of this issue for you, or it’s the doghouse. 🙂 Sorry.

    Yeah…I know…

  5. Your wife edits your magazines? Briefcase would laugh at me if I ever did that. He subscribes to SI so it shows up every week – including the swimsuit edition which he (obviously) LOVES! So does my 18 year old by the way. It doesn’t make me jealous in the least … he’s a man, men like to look. None of those models would be the least bit interested in Briefcase even if they ever did meet in person.

    So I guess I’m a wife who is okay with it.

    She doesn’t EDIT them really. I don’t subscribe to SI (mostly because by the time I get the magazine, the event has happened and I was probably there!). And I truly do not have a problem with the cover! Just thought this was funnier than if I posted the picture and said…”Check out the tan line on THIS one!”…

  6. Seriously? American people are so incredibly puritan!

    You know what’s funny? In France, all the chicks go topless on the beach and no one thinks twice about it or even pays attention… But put an American guy on that beach and see how he acts with his tongue hanging down to the ground. It’s not pretty. It’s what repression does to people.

    I’m Catholic…so OF COURSE I’m repressed! It’s what the Catholic church does! Stick an uzi in my hand and I’m all good! But put me in front of a naked woman and I’m dribbling down my shirt. It’s silly and pathetic. But I don’t make the rules, lady…I just live here…

    And, for the record, I DO love the French! 🙂

  7. Ha. Read the wife’s side first.
    Don’t worry about getting SI to tuck it in the middle, the swim suit addition is smut anyway, private areas or no private areas!

    Btw I think repression is good…makes it more exciting, right? Er…


  8. I’m thinking it took a lot of waxing sessions before that photo could be shot. *ouch*

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