What If…?

I was driving to work this morning and saw a billboard. On it was a baby and in large letters “God Is Pro-Life!” (or something to that affect). And this made me wonder…did they ask him/her? How do they know that God doesn’t agree with abortion? And the reason I wondered this isn’t because I was trying to be funny…but because I really want to know. Who…asked…God?

Here’s the thing. I was raised in the Catholic church. Went to Catholic school. Been to my share of masses and holy day services and catechisms and baptisms and all of that. Heard lots of verses and hymns. I honestly cannot quote anything from the bible…but I can’t quote much from Stephen King’s “The Stand” either and it’s my favorite book of all time. So I guess you could say that maybe I am ignorant when I ask this question…but I want to know…who called God and asked? Because someone apparently did and then he okay’ed the purchase of this giant sign on I-75.

Then I wondered…What if no one asked? Or even better yet…what if millions of people asked and no one answered (which is probably more than likely)? So now I have added a totally new spin on this question because obviously someone asked and since I am assuming that they didn’t get a response, they apparently ASSUMED that God wouldn’t endorse abortion and decided to put up the billboard.

Oooookay. So now I got a bunch of people assuming something that they have no right assuming and purchasing billboards and telling me what I should or shouldn’t believe because what they THINK is what God would say is what they are going with. So now I am led to believe that really God more than likely did not respond so people got it in their heads that it was their right to spread this word that God doesn’t endorse abortion when really they have no idea and you see where I’m going with this.

I’m not gonna say one way or the other who is right or wrong here. I honestly don’t care one way or another what you might think of abortion. Is it good or bad? Who knows. And I am not opposed to someone spending their hard-earned cash for a giant sign to publicly announce what THEIR belief is either. I’m fine with that. It is America, after all.

But here’s the rub…What If…there is no God? What if those of us who are “God-fearing” Christians are only “God-fearing” because we have nothing else to believe in? I’ve spent years wondering about the existence of God. Or “A” God. Is there really such a thing? Or is this all there is? Maybe we have our 5 minutes and then in a flash…it’s gone. No heaven, no hell, no purgatory, no being brought back as a lion or small plant. It’s just…over?

My first inclination as a Christian has always been to want to believe. But there is another part of me, the more sane part I think, that wants to think the only thing the church really has done is make me fear death. Because if I live my life the way I believe a good person should (which is, in my way of thinking, being honest, caring and loving to others), it shouldn’t really matter if I go to church every Sunday or once every blue moon. I am doing what, in MY mind, is the best that I can. I think if there IS a God, he/she would see what I am up too and be quite happy with me.

But now I’m driving and I’m questioning…What if? What if this IS it? What’s the point? We grow up, get old, have a few friends, drink a few rounds, have a couple of kids, buy a house or two, take a vacation and then that’s it? I’m wondering…is that such a bad thing? I mean, obviously I would LOVE to go to heaven and live on for eternity on a cloud playing golf and enjoying the friendship of angels. But that just seems kind of absurd to me. I honestly doubt a God is gonna let me live it up on Cloud 9 without something to fill my days. A free, all paid vacation forever on God? Sounds veeeery enticing!

It’s all one, big vicious circle in my head. Is there a God? Or is this all we get?

What if…

And then I realize that I’ve almost run into the guy driving too slowly in the passing lane directly ahead of me and all of this almost drifted out of my head as I cussed him out under my breath.

So I shall continue to think about this belief of God. I’m not gonna say I believe or don’t believe. Of course I would love for there to be more. Maybe not necessarily for myself, but for my wife and kids and family and friends. I would love to see them all again somewhere on Cloud 9.  And I would like to believe that there is a power that would love to have me right along with everyone else! However you have to wonder…and then continue to live your life the way you see fit.

So what if there is no God as we have come to think of it? What if we just are. What if there is no after or before? What if science is just the way it is and we go on and on, marching forward until we fall and then that’s it? Is it so bad? Why do we fear death so much? I know I do! But why? Because I don’t understand it? Because there is that possibility that this is it?

Damn…so many thoughts and no answers. But I have put a call in to God and left a message. When he gets back to me, I’m gonna take out a billboard and let you all know what he said…and I’m pretty sure it will have nothing to do with abortion. And then it will be YOUR turn to figure it out…

Apparently he called back…

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9 Responses to What If…?

  1. mom says:

    Oh! did you hit a sore topic! I firmly believe in God. I firmly believe abortion is wrong. It is murder. God said “Thou shalt not kill”. That being said, The Lord God gave us all free-will. WE MAKE UP OUR OWN MINDS ON WHAT TO DO WITH OUR BODIES!! I know my girls do not agree with me, but I am almost 70 years old, and I’ll be darned if I will let a MAN in Congress tell me what to do with my body. No President can tell me, either. My choice would be to maintain life, but I feel every woman has the FREE-WILL to make her own decision. Let God be the judge, not you nor me. That goes with same sex unions, too. “He who is without sin, cast the first stone”.This is true for any thing you do in life. You make your own decisions – right or wrong- and live with them, and let Your Neighbors do the same.(Of course, you can always ask for God’s guidence). Now for the question of is there a God? I believe there is. I would rather believe and be wrong, than to not believe and be sorry. Love…….mom

    I knew this would be coming, but it’s somewhat of a surprise who got there first! Mom…it’s NOT a rant on abortion. It’s just me thinking and allowing others to join in. I won’t allow this to become a forum on abortion or other religious beliefs. That being said, I find my mother’s comments to be in line with what my feelings are in regards to “to each his own”, so I’m leaving it. However if anyone BESIDES my Mom tries to get up on a soapbox and does so in a negative tone, I’ll delete their comments.

  2. Blah la Blah says:

    Have you ever read Mere Christianity? Or the Case for faith? Don’t know if it will help or not. Honestly, I haven’t read them. But your thoughts are identical to my husbands and these are the books he read to try to get answers. Though, it does tend to be a round of questions that resurfaces.
    I think this is fairly common. I have my own different set of questions I deal with. I have moments where I feel good and settled, but then it rears its ugly head again. A cycle of sorts.
    I think the questions you have are actually good. As long as you get the answers.
    Good post.
    Off the topic, I like the IPod thing you did. I have been wanting to make a post about the IPod and all the aps I think it should have. If I had the ability to do what you did, I would make an IPod doing the things I think it should do. Since they can do so many amazing things. Too bad I don’t have the software…sigh. Maybe someday. 🙂

    I haven’t read the books you mentioned. As a matter of fact, I don’t honestly think about religion that much. But something about that billboard brought it out in me. I assume I will be hearing from a lot of folks on this one, seeing as how religion is such a touchy subject. But that being said, I really think I won’t be getting answers until the second I die. And for the record, I don’t believe in “seeing the light”. As for the IPod picture, I admit I got it off Google. Not that I couldn’t do it (I use Photoshop quite a bit actually), but I usually find it to be easier to google for images to use in situations like this. I’m glad you liked the post. I have reread it and still don’t feel that there is anything offensive in it. Hopefully most people will find it more thought-provoking than anything.

  3. Oh Alan. We need to grab a cup of coffee and chat. Really, why don’t you stop by BlogHer even if you aren’t attending? There are so many directions to go w/what you wrote here. Tonight, however, I’m slightly looped on pain meds and not in good enough shape to address them all. (First week back to PT after 3 weeks off is NOT good for the pain levels!)

  4. I have the same thoughts. On the one hand I want to believe that there is a God and an afterlife, etc but then like you, the rational side kicks in and starts questioning.

    I haven’t come up with an answer. But when I see the beauty of our world or think about the complexities of the human body, it’s hard to believe that it is just a mere cosmic accident. But then the rational side…..

    So I have determined to err on the side of caution. I’d hate to decide that there is no God, no 10 Commandments, etc and really tick God off so I end up in hell for eternity. And if I decide that there is a God and live as to please that God, what’s the harm if I am wrong. Unless the God I am trying to please is not the real God……

  5. Amber says:

    I can’t believe you posted this, you are going to be deleting comments all day! LOL!!!

  6. mom says:

    I really wasn’t trying to debate abortion. I just feel women should have their own choices in things. Men, too, if they came upon a choice of something that others thought was wrong. You have to believe in yourself and your choices. If not, what kind of parents would we be? And speaking of parents, look at Ava and Chris and say there is no God. No way, son, no way………Love, mom

  7. Liz C says:

    I hear ya, Alan!

    I’ve always been more science-y than spiritual, but I went through something very similar about 10 years ago when I finally realized I wasn’t christian (and really never had been), but didn’t know what I *was*.

    I finally figured out my story, how I feel about such things. You will too, although you may feel the need to pick up a book or two eventually. There are some good ones out there.

    The big revelation for me that *this life* is what we get, and the beauty and mystery and wonder in the physical universe is enough. And I’m OK with that. After all, we’re all made of stardust (all elements were generated by stars) and when we die, we return to stardust, so we’re still part of the universe and our atoms go on to become parts of other things.

    Some people call that beauty and mystery ‘God’. I don’t, but whatever works for them is OK by me.

    Although I still like to believe my grandma is sitting on a cloud watching me, knowing I’m doing OK.

    p.s. your mom rocks!

  8. fjl21 says:

    Apples new iJesus….coming to stores soon! Has all the apps and answers you need! Best new feature? Floats on water!

  9. Man…don’t get me started! I think its pitiful that God has been turned into nothing more than a party spokesman (by some) to be trotted out at election time to trump up votes.

    Anyway, great post. (and I just love your mom–you’re lucky to have her)

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