Top 10 Changes That Come From Quitting…


June 2007 118
Notice the fag in his left hand…

My brother Frank has recently kicked his nasty smoking addiction that we (our collective family) have been giving him crap about for pretty much the last 12 years of his existence. Finally, after mucho haggling and several tries, he has managed to put the cancer sticks down and has taken up a few newer habits. He asked me a while back why I hadn’t written about it, and I told him I thought it was really something HE should write about. So he did. I told him if he gave me a post, I would put it on my blog. And he did. So I am. Congratulations Frank! Quitting is the greatest thing you could have done for yourself and your family. I think I can speak for our entire family when I say…we are very proud of you and we love you! Now…here’s Frank’s blog which he also has posted on his anemic blog site called “The Veracity“….

Hell is officially frozen, pigs are flying and monkeys are crawling out of Alan’s butt!! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, brother Frank has quit smoking! How was that bet laid out again? Alan rides a fake bike and Frank quits the most addictive substance this side of Tang?! Fair? No. Besides, Alan lost like 15 lbs…and then gained 20 back hanging with school chum JT in one night! If the bet involved his nails, I’d have won easily! This calls for a list…

Top 10 Changes that come with quitting…

10. Shhhhh….It’s pretty quiet around here without all that bitching about my smoke.

9. 10 & 2 ……Both hands on the steering wheel, weird!

8. Work sucks. 20 minutes longer. No smoke breaks for NON-smokers is bullshit.

7.$180 richer…..$6 a pack x 30 days…you get the math.

6. Now what?…..I guess sleep follows directly after sex now.

5. Who farted?…..I can smell EVERYTHING!!!

4. I’m THAT guy…. I tell everyone I quit and how.

3. 30 sit ups, 50 push ups, 3-5 miles ever other day. No shit.

2. No more flem….I hope I spelled that right. (You didn’t. It’s “phlegm”  -Alan)

1. More people than ever hate me……Fuck them! Some say I am meaner, some are jealous or mad I actually quit smoking. Misery loves company and nothing pisses off a smoker more than someone who succeeded in quitting. My good smelling ass is gonna run right by them while cracking a six minute mile as they huddle around an ashtray grumbling how indecent it is for me to run in public wearing those shorts. I do it for the ladies.

Special thanks to Kathy for the “Book of Ages” which pretty much pushed me over the edge to quit.

June 2007 119
Now he can take a deeper breath BEFORE he swings!

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11 Responses to Top 10 Changes That Come From Quitting…

  1. Congrats to Brother Frank!!

  2. congrats to Frank! Ive been on and off that wagon more times than Laura Ingalls.

    Did you do it cold turkey?

    • fjl21 says:

      Secret to my success: Chantix the miracle drug! Taken twice a day will work wonders. I took it for one month and I have not smoked for 6 weeks! Honestly the side effects were mild ( nausea, vivid dreams, horrible gas…ect.). I guess that last one is mild depending on wind direction. It blocks the Nicotine from your blood so you don’t get anything from smoking the first week. Second week you don’t smoke (or miss it) at all, seriously nill withdraw.
      If any of you guys know someone struggling but WANTS to quit, this is their ticket.

  3. Blah la Blah says:

    I like his post! Well written and amusing. Congrats!

  4. Blah la Blah says:

    I like his post! Well written and amusing. Congrats!
    Sorry, forgot to add great post! Can’t wait to see your next post!

  5. mom says:

    Congratulations, Frank!! Now I can look forward to your helping to celebrate my and dad’s 70th anniversary!! You can even pay for the D.J. with the money you are saving!!!. Oh, dad just read the blog. He says congrats, and thanks to Kathy for helping our boy!!! Love to all…..mom

  6. Ruth Ann says:

    Good job Frank, I think I am smoking now more then I ever have, I need to quit!!!

  7. Chris says:

    In regards to #8, no kidding jerkoff smokers get to take breaks all the time and its fine, but if you ask to go take a sit down break you get a stupid look followed by a no. Also when you quit smoking, and are a dick to people it never really goes away, and it just proves that deep down you are an asshole. lol 😉 All joking aside, everyone is proud of you, now have fun repairing your lungs, it takes about 15 years…douche…

    • fjl21 says:

      Thanks for the advise! It is always nice to receive support from others! Some people have a hard time seeing the positive in comments like yours, but not me Brother! I know your a good guy…..trapped in the body of a obese dickhead!!

      All joking aside, Chris has been on me to quit for some time now…I am assuming it is because he likes me and wants me to teach him the secrets to golf before I die.

  8. mandy says:

    Oh, definitely number 8! I know some people see my entire job as one long break, since I get to sit in a chair and look at a computer all day…but I want to go outside and walk around in the sunshine for 15 minutes every other hour too! Really, if smokers get “toxic air” breaks, shouldn’t I get “fresh air” breaks?

  9. kat says:

    hilarious!! and thanks for giving me credit for the book, but it was all you. I knew you could do it when you were ready. ❤

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