Notice the fag in his left hand…
My brother Frank has recently kicked his nasty smoking addiction that we (our collective family) have been giving him crap about for pretty much the last 12 years of his existence. Finally, after mucho haggling and several tries, he has managed to put the cancer sticks down and has taken up a few newer habits. He asked me a while back why I hadn’t written about it, and I told him I thought it was really something HE should write about. So he did. I told him if he gave me a post, I would put it on my blog. And he did. So I am. Congratulations Frank! Quitting is the greatest thing you could have done for yourself and your family. I think I can speak for our entire family when I say…we are very proud of you and we love you! Now…here’s Frank’s blog which he also has posted on his anemic blog site called “The Veracity“….
Hell is officially frozen, pigs are flying and monkeys are crawling out of Alan’s butt!! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, brother Frank has quit smoking! How was that bet laid out again? Alan rides a fake bike and Frank quits the most addictive substance this side of Tang?! Fair? No. Besides, Alan lost like 15 lbs…and then gained 20 back hanging with school chum JT in one night! If the bet involved his nails, I’d have won easily! This calls for a list…
Top 10 Changes that come with quitting…
10. Shhhhh….It’s pretty quiet around here without all that bitching about my smoke.
9. 10 & 2 ……Both hands on the steering wheel, weird!
8. Work sucks. 20 minutes longer. No smoke breaks for NON-smokers is bullshit.
7.$180 richer…..$6 a pack x 30 days…you get the math.
6. Now what?…..I guess sleep follows directly after sex now.
5. Who farted?…..I can smell EVERYTHING!!!
4. I’m THAT guy…. I tell everyone I quit and how.
3. 30 sit ups, 50 push ups, 3-5 miles ever other day. No shit.
2. No more flem….I hope I spelled that right. (You didn’t. It’s “phlegm” -Alan)
1. More people than ever hate me……Fuck them! Some say I am meaner, some are jealous or mad I actually quit smoking. Misery loves company and nothing pisses off a smoker more than someone who succeeded in quitting. My good smelling ass is gonna run right by them while cracking a six minute mile as they huddle around an ashtray grumbling how indecent it is for me to run in public wearing those shorts. I do it for the ladies.
Special thanks to Kathy for the “Book of Ages” which pretty much pushed me over the edge to quit.
Now he can take a deeper breath BEFORE he swings!