So I asked for suggestions on blog topics a few days ago. The only one who actually gave me a specific topic was my sister who is going through a breakup right now with her husband. I haven’t been around to help her in any way because we live in different places, but I understand it has been very hard on her. So her question was this…
“How do you handle divorce when you don’t want it and how do you get over the pain and move on?”
And THAT is a damn good question. Here’s the deal…I’m a divorcee. I was married for the first time in 1995 and we ended up getting an annulment 2.5 years later. Our marriage didn’t last for several reasons that I won’t get into here, but needless to say…it just didn’t work out. So…that happened and I moved on. The difference between what my sister is going through and what I went through is that I wanted out of my first marriage. She didn’t. So I am really not sure how to answer my sister’s first question because, quite frankly, I was the bad guy in my relationship. I was the one who walked away…so I can’t honestly say that I know how to handle a divorce when you don’t want it. Obviously, there are 2 sides to every relationship and both individuals have their own feelings about things, so when one starts feeling unattached, there is probably very little the other can do to make things better. Not that there can’t be something done, it’s just that sometimes TRYING to make the other love you can backfire. Sometimes it’s a fine line to walk where you want to make your other happy but he/she just isn’t in that place. So you have to deal with that situation.
Now…as far as the pain is concerned, THERE I can help because, believe it or not, I thought about my first wife every day for almost 3 years after the annulment. I had feelings of guilt and anxiety over my decision. There was always that thought that I could have worked harder. That maybe I should have tried a little a little bit more to make everything come together. But you know what? Moving on was the best thing I could have done. I ended up marrying my wife now. We have two wonderful children, a nice home, my career is great and things have definitely been for the better.
So that is my answer to you sis…keep your chin up. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but things WILL get better. And once the heartache goes away, there will be someone else there, waiting to pick you up and willing to make life look so much more colorful. There IS someone out there for you…but maybe you just haven’t found him yet. So keep looking and never let what happened in this relationship get in the way of what COULD happen for you in the near future. Because allowing this situation to control your life would be the worst thing you could do. You are a very strong woman. I know…I have seen it firsthand and it is one of your most amazing traits. You pick yourself up very quickly and you dust yourself off and you move ahead. And that is what you should do here. And as soon as possible.
I hope this has been helpful in some small way. I love you and I’m thinking about you. You are one of the strongest members of our family…but if you ever need an ear…you know I’m always here.
Love you sis!