You know what I find interesting? Life. Life is interesting. And the reason it’s so interesting is because it can change on a dime. I don’t know about you, but MY life seems to change every single second. My mood swings change, my attitude changes, my outlook changes. Everything hinges on each & every little thing that happens. And it’s complicated and at any given second, it can all come crashing down around me.
I don’t know about you, but one day I find I’m happy & chipper, moody & irritable the next. I’ll be singing songs to my daughter at 8am and then pissed off by 10. It’s a round robin of emotions and my family is caught in the crossfire. It’s made my life somewhat unpredictable and, by all accounts, I don’t think I’m the only one with this kind of problem.
Au contraire…just about everyone I know is. Of all of my friends, we are all going through life changes. Whether its a job that was lost, or a relationship that is faltering, or how our lives have changed with the addition & responsibility of children. I am dealing with with all of these things AND a damaged economy AND lousy healthcare AND trying to pay the bills AND trying to maintain some dignity within myself as I let all of my wants & needs sit in the balance as I try to be all things to everyone. Whether it’s being a father or a husband or a friend. There are pressures swirling all around me and it can be very cumbersome. Not that all of these responsibilities are burdens. On the contrary, these things are what define me. I AM all these things. But sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be an hour in the day where I get any peace. And that is where some of the biggest issues lie.
Life is frail. Relationships are frail. Friendships are frail. Children are frail. And sometimes I’m the bull in the chinastore, plowing my way from one side to the next without any regard to what or who gets hurt. It’s aggravating to have to worry so much about what everyone else needs or thinks. At some point, I think I just don’t care. When life requires THIS much thought, then what’s the point. Then I am simply reacting to things. Reacting to what others’ opinions of me are. Reacting to what others expect of me. Reacting to what society tells me I should expect of my life.
It’s a tightrope. And I walk it everyday. I see everyone reacting to what is happening around us. Every day brings a new complication or a new burden. It’s hard, this life we live, and I’m trying to make it all good. Sometimes it comes in a song on the radio. Sometimes it comes from a good book. Sometimes it comes from my daughter’s laugh. And then there are times when the burden is lifted by a good memory or the possibility of one. All I am looking for is inner peace. And aren’t we all?
I want to be everything to everybody, but that is just not possible. I want to be the best father. Sometimes I’m not. I want to be the best husband, but often times I’m not. I would love to be your best friend, but I realize that I won’t be. But I get up every morning, ready to tackle the day and I get to it. And I live it. And usually it’s all good. But there are times when I feel like there should be more. More than just getting up and rolling through the motions. More than walking on that stupid rope and hoping it all works out in the end.
Life is frail, my friends. Fragile and ready to be broken. But it is one we all share together. And if we live it together, knowing we are all not perfect, it makes life a lot easier to deal with. Being there for one another makes all the difference, as family or friends or neighbors. None of us are perfect…even when we want to be. But we ALL are doing the best we can. And sometimes that is good enough.