What The Heck…Gray Hair?


Premiere The Golden Compass NY
I have seen the future. It is NOT pretty…

This horrible haircut has taken FOREVER to grow back. It seems like I’ve been wearing a baseball cap for the last 4 months. But finally the sides have started to grow out and today I could actually use a brush to comb it back and guess what else I got to do today?

I got to pluck a long gray hair out of the front of my head.

Yep. A LONG gray hair. This wasn’t the run-of-the-mill “partially brown, partially gray on the tip” hair either. This was a full-blown, long & gray…gray hair. And it was staring at me in the mirror saying, “Ha ha! I have finally caught up with you! You are getting old and I am coming and I am bringing all my closest friends! We will NOT be stopped!” It was evil as it stood there, so proud on the front of my noggin. So I got out my tweezers and yanked that sucker right out of there. But this raises the question…

How long before more of them decide to storm the castle?

How long have I got? Is there a time frame on gray-hairedness? I figure I have fought them off for long enough. I mean…I AM 40 (gonna be 41 soon enough). So eventually they had to make an appearance. And it’s not like they haven’t been around. Whenever I get my hair cut there they are, just softly peppering my sideburns. But then my hair grows out and POOF…they’re gone! But not THIS one. This one was different. This one was tall & proud & sticking straight up out of all the others. This one had seen the light and was not gonna back down. This one was out to show me who is boss. Fortunately, I am much bigger than it and so a gentle yank caused me very little anguish but now I’m worried about the next time. Are gray hairs like ants? Do they scout out for oldness and then once they see it you can’t get rid of the damn things?

I dunno.

But I will NOT go down without a fight! I think Dylan Thomas said it best when he wrote the following…

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Or was that Rodney Dangerfield? Whichever…it is now my rally cry! You will not deter me, gray hair! You might win the battle…but I shall win the war! You will not take my youth without a fight! And if the battle rages on, I have a secret weapon…and it’s called Grecian Formula. And I WILL use it!

But please don’t make me use it…I hear it smells awful…

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6 Responses to What The Heck…Gray Hair?

  1. Ha ha! I’m older than you and I don’t have gray hair(s) yet. I did have ONE gray eyebrow hair show up once. I plucked that sucker out and haven’t seen another since. But don’t worry … gray looks DISTINGUISHED in men!

  2. mom says:

    Sorry, Alan. For every one gray hair pulled, plucked, or otherwise removed, ten…yes….10 more appear. But you will be handsome to me no matter if you go…..should I say the word???…….bald!!! Love……mom

  3. kat says:

    I hear if you pluck one then 6 of its friends come to the funeral. It’s from a very reliable source too. (a Sex and the City episode)

  4. I’ve had about a half dozen gray hairs right near my forehead, dead center since I was a little kid. So far, no more have sprouted. My mom is going to be 60 and she has very few gray hairs. I dye my hair anyway, so it doesn’t really matter much. Gray hair is hot on men, btw.

  5. Howard says:

    I resemble this blog entry! LOL

  6. DWK says:

    Sam Elliott is nearly 70 and still smolders with cowboy sexuality. Neuroticism and narcissicism over aging (especially in a 40 year old male), is pretty lame. Your future should look so good as Mr. Elliott!

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