Last night I was in bed by 9:30pm eastern time. You would think that would be a good thing. The only problem is…I only sleep 6 to 7 hours a night. So now, at 5am, I’m wide awake and ready for some coffee. And my mind is racing. I could use a friendly ear. Would you be interested in a chat? You would? Okay then…
Hang on…let me get some coffee…
So today is the viewing for my Uncle Eddie. He passed away last Friday. Today I will see many of my relatives and family. The one thought that creeps into my head about this is that it’s sad that the death of one of our own is what brings us all together. There have been family reunions in the past, but due to scheduling conflicts or work or other responsibilities, there hasn’t been a reunion where everyone has been there since 2005 or so. Which is kind of sad. I have a great family. My Dad’s side has always been very close and I don’t know why I don’t see them more. I guess, over time, you just grow apart and go your own ways. Everyone understands and we all miss one another but it’s so hard anymore. I am probably the worst at keeping in touch. I’ve become so far removed from everything that I live in a little bubble. The only time I leave that bubble is when I go to visit my parents & siblings. Then THEY remember all the great stories of when we were younger. I barely remember where I was last week! Why is that? You would think that I would have great stories to tell…but I don’t. I do remember this…of all the people in my life, no one is more important to me than my family. The passing of my uncle is sad, but it reminds me of who I am because it was my family who made me this way. Doesn’t matter if I rarely see them anymore, it was my uncles and aunts and cousins who helped me be who I am today. And I love them for it.
Christmas is almost upon me and I haven’t been bitten by “the bug” yet. If anything, I’ve been bitten by the “Bah…Hum Bug”! Too many other things going on. Worrying about money and the lack of it. Oh sure…I’ve been out shopping and seen how few people are out there, but for the most part, it all seems kind of quiet this year. I guess my brother & sister who work in retail probably know better. But for me…I just can’t seem to get into it. We went to see Santa yesterday and it just seemed so hurried. I wasn’t into it. The kids weren’t into it. Steph wasn’t really into it. When did Christmas become so listless? Is it the economy? Or are we all just burned out? I haven’t listened to one Christmas carol this year. Last year, I had them on all the time. Maybe it’s the weather? The weather has been really odd this season. Dunno. Maybe we should look into having Christmas once every other year. Maybe THEN I could get excited about it?
I’m having a hard time coming up with blog topics lately. Just can’t seem to get my head on straight. Between work and parental obligations and the holiday stress and all of the other stuff going on right now, it’s been hard putting fingers to keyboard. To try to stimulate interest…I changed my blog appearance. What do you think? Not diggin’ it? Yeah…me neither. I might change it back…I haven’t decided yet.
A few days ago, I got into a discussion with someone (see…I told you I barely remember ANYTHING?!?) about blogging. Apparently historians are worried that with the advent of technology, the written word is about to be a thing of the past. The argument is that no one writes on paper anymore. So when this generation has come & gone, there will be no physical evidence that we were even here. I think that is crazy talk! Are you kidding me? Someone needs to figure out how to document what is online right now, because in this age, EVERYONE is writing! Texting and tweeting and blogging, all while walking and driving and working. You can’t tell me that there is no physical evidence! Just because we aren’t using a quill to write on papyrus doesn’t mean it isn’t being done! There is more writing going on out there now than there ever has been! The difficult part is to sort through all the crap! But the mindset of this generation is firmly in place and it’s available everywhere. So don’t go whining about how no one writes anymore. That argument is ridiculous.
I now have a half hour before I have to wake Christopher. Can I just say…waking my kids is the least favorite part of my day? I really wish I could just let them sleep until they wanted to get up. Why is it that school starts at 8am (-ish) when it could very easily start at 9, allowing the kids more sleep, allowing adults more time to get up and get them to school and then get to work. Someone told me the other day that their kids don’t have to be to school until 9am. I wish that were my kids’ case. I swear…with the night coming so quickly and staying so long…I wish I could sleep later. But…I don’t. Oh well. Next week the kids have the entire week off. I’m thinking they’ll both be up & rolling by 7:15 every morning. You watch…
Let’s see…what else is on my mind this morning…
I’m going to miss Ava’s ballet performance of “The Nutcracker” this weekend. And every, single one of Christopher’s basketball games this year. As much as I enjoy my job, I’m starting to wonder if it’s the wisest career choice. I miss so many great things. Birthday parties, family getaways with friends, sports activities. You name it, I’ve missed it. Makes it hard being a parent when you work on the weekends. I’ve been dealing with this for 7 years now…and it’s never gonna get any easier. Sooner or later, I’m going to have to decide what I can do to break even. Making money can’t be the entire reason for my existence…right? I have to be able to enjoy their youth at some point. This non-stop weekend job is grinding and I’m missing too much. And at what cost?
I have New Year’s Eve off this year. I wonder what I can do to kick start 2010? I’m not really a party kind of guy, but it seems like that might be something that would make this coming year different. I haven’t been out and about for New Year’s for many years. Usually, if I’m not working, we spend it at a friend’s house. It’s nice but maybe this year we should do something a little more extravagent? I dunno…but it sounds fun thinking about it…
Man it’s quiet around here. This is my favorite part of the day. Drinking coffee. Sitting with no lights on except for the computer screen and a small kitchen light. Quiet. But I know my family is close by and I can hear them rustling. I hear the cat’s paws on the kitchen floor. In 15 minutes I’ll go wake Christopher and the day will begin. Today will be a different day from yesterday. And tomorrow will be different from today. And yet everything will seem so familiar. And the world spins madly on…
Okay…thanks for listening. Gotta go refresh my java and get the morning paper. Chat with you again soon and if I don’t, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.
-Alan
A Round World Through Square Glasses 
I really love reading your blog. Its comforting to get someone else’s opinions and insights. Just wanted to sat thanks for sharing.
Also, I’ve been listening to a musician named Ali Milner, you have to check her out on myspace. I know you dig great music.
Cheers and Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Thanks Jackie! I’ll check into Ali. Merry Christmas to you & yours as well!
“Drop the kids off at school @ 9:00 and then drive to work”….??? Are you kidding??? Unless you’re working second shift, what kind of job lets you stroll in that late everyday? I had to get special permission to come into work “late” because I’m not allowed to drop the kids off any earlier than 7:30. The fact that school didn’t start until 9:00 in Westerville is one of the main reasons I had to quit my job & stay home with the kids back in 2001. I couldn’t stand paying daycare “half-day” tuition just to watch K for 30 minutes and then put her on the bus. And the staggered start times @ West were one of the main reasons I decided to keep the kids in Fenwick last year. God bless Catholic schools and their early, universal school days! Sorry if this seemed like a rant, just wanted to put my two cents out there since it’s an issue that’s had a MAJOR impact on my life.
I’m so sorry about your uncle. I know I said it before but I finally got over to your blog to read. Nice design by the way!
I too have found myself living in a bubble apart from my family. I hadn’t thought of it that way but it’s so true. We are the only part of my husband’s huge extended family that moved away (like 3000 miles away) so we certainly aren’t interacting with them daily. And my (extremely small) extended family is 6-8 hours away and we don’t get together more than once a year (often missed because it’s a 6 hour drive).