How About A “Medical Menu”?

And all this will only cost you $4,000,532.32!

So I’ve been watching intently on this whole healthcare issue. It seems everyone has different opinions about it. No one in Washington can come up with a solution. Apparently you are either completely happy with the healthcare costs you already have or you need change in order to be able to afford it. Right now…I can’t afford it. Which might be a little surprising considering I always seem to be working, but it’s true. Health insurance topped with family health insurance topped with car insurance for 2 vehicles topped with life insurance topped with home insurance. I mean…seriously? Sooner or later someone is gonna come out with insurance for my insurance. This way I can pay for an insurance policy that will cover my insurance costs whenever I DO need to visit the hospital. It’s gotten so out of control already and enough is enough. You want to know what I really want?

A menu.

This would solve a large part of my problem with healthcare these days. Because if I know EXACTLY what I’m gonna be paying for upfront, then I can make a rational decision on whether or not I want to purchase it. For example…my herniated disk. 2 years ago I had a herniated disk in my back. I ended up needing to get 3 epidurals for it. Not knocking my orthopedic but apparently he missed the first 2 times so I had to go in 3 times. Since then, I’ve been fine. (KNOCK ON WOOD) And back when this all went down, I had health insurance. So it was all paid for. But then my wife quit her job and now I don’t have health insurance because I’m a liability for any insurance company and I refuse to pay a gazillion dollars a month for an insurance policy that doesn’t cover a headache (read the fine print on some of these “policies”. Such bullshit…).

Anyway…so let’s say I get another herniated disk. I don’t have insurance. I’m in a medium amount of pain. If I go to a doctor and he or she hands me a menu that has ALL of the services provided and what the cost would be, I can decide whether or not I want to proceed with a treatment. It should be MY responsibility because it’s MY body. So the epidural costs $4000? Well…then how much pain am I in? Because right now, I don’t have $4000 so I guess I’ll suffer a little longer. And what about a payment plan? Would I do it with a payment plan? Sure…providing the payment plan doesn’t reach some ungodly penalty if I don’t pay in full in 30 days or something like that. And this would work for anything. Broken arm? $2500. Flu shot? $50. Hospital room for a day? $3000. Room WITH clean towels? $3700.

Wait…$700 for clean towels?!? Sure…because I think it’s unbelievable what hospitals actually charge for some of their services. Clean linens? $100 a pop. Read the small print. It’s all lumped in there and it’s ridiculous what we pay for some things. And that’s what bothers me about healthcare. Hidden costs. When I go to the grocery store, I buy a box of cereal for $3.99. I know exactly what it costs. I don’t have to worry about what I’m gonna be paying for once I get to the checkout line. If I can’t afford it, I don’t buy it.

Obviously, this doesn’t always work for everything. You need chemotherapy, you are going to have to pay for it. But wouldn’t you feel better knowing what it was going to cost you upfront? I know I would. I might not be happy about it, but at least I would know. And then they couldn’t hide away stupid nit-picking little costs like linens and “services” that I don’t know what they are. You give me a flat fee, I’m all in. But when I go in looking for medical help because I’m in pain and so they give me some ramped-up Advil and tell me to sleep on it then charge me $500…that fucking sucks! I want a medical menu. If I can live without the medicine, I’ll do it. But NOT knowing what it is gonna cost me will just give me another reason to come back later because I’m sure I’ll be having a heart attack after I see what the hospitals are gonna gouge me for.

And so there is MY answer to this whole fiasco…