Old Fogey Grocery


So I mentioned a while ago that I came home sometime last spring and they had torn down our local grocery store. This, of course, was a sad day. But as I drive by it here recently, they are getting closer and closer to having the new Kroger grocery up and ready for the holidays! Yay for us! But until then…we’re still shopping here & there, just biding our time until the NEW & IMPROVED grocery opens up for us. Now that you are caught up on THAT little bit of important information…

Another grocery store that is located close to our home has become my place of quickee shopping. It’s a little “higher end” than our other place, but considering the location (same distance in the OTHER direction), it works all the same. But what I find unique about this other grocery are a couple of things…

1. Ya gotta be over the age of 70 to shop there.

2. You are not, under ANY circumstance, allowed to smile.

I don’t know when the flyers went out or why I didn’t get one…but these rules are obviously in the grocery shopping handbook because I gotta tell ya…the people who shop there are the most dour group of old farts that I’ve ever seen.

Now don’t get me wrong…I like old people (Hi Dad!), but seriously with the grouchy, frowning unpleasantries? It’s a small grocery, not a lot of space, so when I’m  wandering down the aisles (as I am apt to do), occasionally I get into someone’s way and I always try to make light of it. I always excuse myself and look apologetically their way, hoping to get a quick smile or a knowing glance of “I understand, don’t worry about it.” But in this place? It’s like a military quarantine! I imagine that after these people are done paying for their groceries, they get a flogging and a can of prunes to go with their happy demeanors. Seriously…what is up with the senior citizens of my community? Crap! Smile ya old coot! Who pooped on your oatmeal???

Needless to say, I am once again pining for the days of my old grocery store and I am waiting with great anticipation for it to open it’s doors to a younger group of buyers. A group that doesn’t mind a little quick wit and a smile. And as for the motley crew over at the OTHER grocery…here’s hoping their Metamucil kicks in here soon and they get their situation under control. ‘Cause it’s gotta be painful walking around with that pole up their asses all day and they need a little break from the obvious pain that grocery shopping is causing them. Hell…I don’t like shopping either but I do it with a grin & bear it. These guys give new meaning to the word “sourpuss.” Makes me wanna grab the mic and yell…”ATTENTION GROCERY SHOPPERS! LET’S TURN THOSE FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN! FREE PRUNE JUICE AND ASPARAGUS FOR THE FIRST PERSON WHO CRACKS A SMILE IN AISLE 5!!!!”

Bet THAT would get them movin’…

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One Response to Old Fogey Grocery

  1. Judi says:

    Alan, you are living my life. Remember I live in Florida. I guess when you are old you have a right to be cranky. Is this how we will turn out in 30 years, if we are lucky enough to make it that far? Just think about bringing a screaming toddler in the mix, and that is my grocery experience that occurs occasionally. Yeah, lots of fun. They love screaming children.

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