And My Heart Breaks A Little

I know I’ve been gone a lot lately. Work has had me traveling all over this wonderful country of ours but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This week I have 4 days off, next week is a little busy again and then after that…it’s only 2 days of work each week for a while. Of course my kids don’t understand all of this and it has been hard for them to have me gone as much as I have been. I’ve missed a lot of baseball games and football games and ballet practices and friendly get-togethers. This summer I wasn’t around much and so it’s when I put my daughter to bed and we have this conversation that it breaks my heart…

Ava: “Daddy…how many days are you going to be home this time?”

Me: “Three more days honey. Then I’ll have to go back to work.”

Ava: “I wish you didn’t have to go.”

Me: “I know. I don’t want to have to go either.”

Ava: (pause) “So you’ll be here tomorrow morning?”

Me: “Yep. And the next day and the next day.”

Ava: “Only three days?  Daddy…I wish it was 6.”

I love my job and I am grateful of all the opportunities it has brought me…but this conversation hurts me more than she’ll ever know. I love my kids more than anything and it’s for them that I work as much as I do. The way our country is has made it so difficult to make ends meet and I am being pulled in so many different directions. Am I a father? A husband? A friend? A son? A brother?  A co-worker? Who AM I? It’s all very hard to tell sometimes. But I know there is only ONE true answer…and the fact of the matter is that I am a provider first and foremost. It’s my responsibility to make sure that the little girl I tucked in tonight has a good home, food, clothing and lots of great memories. Whether they include me or not, that’s why I’m here. And I am going to do my job to make sure she has the best I can offer her and her brother.

Good night my little princess. I love you and I know you’ll have sweet dreams tonight.

Your Daddy

This entry was posted in Kids, Konversations With Kids, My Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to And My Heart Breaks A Little

  1. Wow. That’s a touching read dude, good post. You’re an amazingly insightful human being and obviously a great Father.

  2. Awwwwww. I know it’s hard on you. And her.

  3. Being on the road is hard, especially when it means time away from your family. But you are right – bills must be paid, food bought, etc. Travel seems glamourous but it is a hard, hard thing to do.

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