Facebook Wants To Know…

“What’s on your mind?”

Daily I log onto Facebook, the bastion of friendly personality conflicts, dramas and poignant prognostications, and I see this little question and I am forced to ask myself…

“Self…what IS on my mind?”

And I think about it. And I wonder about it. And I roll it around in my head for a few minutes. Sometimes I come up with a thought. Sometimes I have a funny thing to say. Sometimes I find some minutia that is neither important or funny but just seems to fit my moment. But more often than naught, I find myself kind of stumped.

There are several reasons for this, I suppose. I guess truthfully…I’m really not that thoughtful. I read so many status updates that my friends post that are really insightful. Some are religious. Some are poignant. Some are thought-provoking. And generally the best thing I can come up with is the fact that I like to watch “The Andy Griffith Show” (which, don’t get me wrong, is a great show but still…)? It’s ridiculous.

“What’s on your mind?”

Ya know what Facebook? That’s a damn good question. And I’m sorry to say that you have found me in a very sorry state. My life is complicated. I’ve been unfocused. I’ve been neglectful and hurtful and I’ve made some bad decisions. It’s not that I’m a bad person, I don’t think. Actually…I think I’m a good person who has just been juggling too many balls for maybe a little too long. I’ve taken the easy route and turned my back on certain people who are important to me. So now I have to make that all right again. And a simple Facebook status update isn’t gonna cut it for me anymore.

“What’s on your mind?”

I got a LOT on my mind lately actually. As do most of the 697 people who call me friend, family or foe. Every day I log on and I see someone else who has a situation. Someone else who has a friend who needs a prayer. Someone else who hates their job. I think I’m starting to get it, Facebook. I’m coming to a conclusion and maybe I’m a little late to the game but I think I got it…

Life is not as perfect as I would like it to be.

So you wanna know what’s on my mind? Well…I’m tired of being complacent about my situation. I’m tired of the way I feel angry and tired and bitter and embattled in drama. I read and I watch and I see everyones hurt and dissatisfaction. It’s enough that I feel that way too but then to add to that is the fact that I can’t help anyone else when I can’t even help myself. Then I’m just a bystander, someone who would love to help each and every one of them, but I can’t because I got my own issues to deal with. And they can’t be solved by a funny anecdote or a single line of irresponsible texting. This shit is hard and personally I haven’t been dealing well.

But now I have a plan. I have my eyes open and I’m trying to push ahead. I don’t want to make it harder on myself anymore. I don’t want it to hurt anymore. And I don’t want anyone else to find anger or hatred in anything I might have said or done. I have ignored the basic rule which is…”Do unto others as you would have other do unto you.” I haven’t followed that rule and now I get it and I’ll take whatever comes my way.

So…you wanted to know what was on my mind, Facebook? Well…there ya go. My life ain’t all fun and roses. As a matter of fact, my life was spiraling out of control, I just didn’t see it. But now I see what needs to happen and I’m aiming to fix it. We all make mistakes and we all suffer the consequences. Sometimes those mistakes aren’t that important, sometimes they cost us a few bucks, sometimes they are life altering. I’m not sure where my mistakes have left me but I imagine at some point I’ll wake up and I’ll know.It will all be clear…someday.

What will my life be like then? I have no idea. It’s out of my control. But what I CAN do is see what my mistakes are and learn from them. And then I can honestly give you an update that I can be proud of. I can say one way or the other whether or not I’m feeling good or bad, happy or sad, angry or at peace. Right now…I’m kind of in limbo. But I’m working on it and I’m feeling pretty damn good about it. So…when I see that question flashing at me on my computer screen…

“What’s on your mind?”

Well…I guess you’ll know when I know. Or maybe not. As for right this second…I really love “The Andy Griffith Show” if for one simple reason…it reminds me of a time when things weren’t so difficult and every problem could be fixed in 20 minutes or less. It’s not like that anymore, I understand, but damn those days are appealing. So don’t worry about me Facebook. I’m all good. Or, at least, I’m trying to be. And it’s never gonna be perfect but at least my eyes are open a little bit more now and I can say I’m working on my imperfections and I’m very much a work in progress. So what’s on my mind, Facebook friends? Well…

So there ya go.

This entry was posted in Family Life, Marriage, My Life, Thoughts and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Facebook Wants To Know…

  1. ruth ann says:

    One of my face book updates the other day:
    There is nothing more damaging to your future potential than spending your present dwelling on the past. Whatever has happened is over. Glory or defeat, once the clock has struck midnight, the day is done. You are reborn each morning & who you are each day is defined by what you do that day & that day only. You are not your past. You are only your present & your present actions will determine your future. 🙂
    D. Hardy
    Love you Alan!!

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