Crazy Train


The OLD Home Court…where I won 123 of 124 games…

Lately I’ve been “dabbling” in playing basketball again. Although I haven’t been involved in any 5-on-5 fullcourt pickup games, I have been shooting around and playing some halfcourt games whenever possible. This, obviously, isn’t gonna get me a contract with any NBA teams anytime soon but it’s good exercise and I’ve been watching myself, listening to my body and being careful so as not to hurt myself again. Recently my brother, who is quite the handy man, decided to build a basketball court in the amusement park area of his home called his backyard. He already has a jungle gym, a tool shed, a garden, a swing and who knows what else since the last time I came to visit. The guy can’t just leave his backyard alone….he ALWAYS has to have a project going on. I fully expect, by this time next year, there will be a roller coaster and a Tilt-A-Whirl somewhere out there among all the other things he’s done back there but either way…let’s not get off track…

So lately I’ve been getting text messages. My brother has decided that he wants to take me on in a game of 1-on-1. Last week, when I was in New York with my high school friends, I get THIS text message…

Followed by THIS text message…


Followed by THIS picture…

What this means? I have no idea. Maybe Frank thinks he’s gonna eat me for lunch? Maybe he has really bad gas pains? Maybe he’s yelling at his neighbors that he’s gonna take his ball and go home and they can’t play no mo? I dunno…

Either way…it continues.

So NOW he’s laid down the gauntlet. Oh…I KNOW it’s his home court and I KNOW he THINKS he’s got the upper hand but the real problem is that it’s obvious that he’s been waiting all of his life to beat me at my own game and except for one game about 20 years ago when he hit a fade away jumper while falling out of bounds at my parents’ old house that beat me (I’m pretty sure I had beat him 10 times already that day), Frank has NEVER come close to beating me at 1-on-1. Oh sure…I let him THINK he was in the game but truthfully…I was just playing with him. I mean seriously…you don’t want to devastate the “DREAM”…right? Frank has always owned me on the golf course…NOT the basketball court. So really what he SHOULD have done was build an 18 Hole golf course in his back yard and THEN he MIGHT stand a chance! But after I get THIS text…I’m thinking that maybe he’s jumping the shark a little with this whole “Choo Choo Train” bit…

So my baby brother, who is 10 years younger than me, who has been BRAGGING about schooling me at my own game, who has been telling ME that I should be riding the pine…got beat not only in “PIG” (which is the game I used to play with Christopher when he was 6-years old) but he ALSO got beat at “21” by our Dad…who is 73? Not that my Dad isn’t qualified to beat my brother at basketball. I mean…the guy is in great shape and golfs every day and I can only HOPE I’m in as good a shape as my Dad is at his age. But…seriously Frank? Dad BEAT you at 21???

Okay…so you’ve been playing basketball with your buddies every day at work. But you work at an IT shop. Ever see “Revenge Of The Nerds?” You gonna go gettin’ all bad ass on me? Texting me and saying how you’re gonna choo-choo all over me? Oh…IT’S ON, BABY brother. You go gettin’ all up in MY face and we shall see how ugly this gets! So I’ll take your choo choo train bet and I’ll raise you on GIANT ass-whippin’! It’s gonna be OLD SKOOL next time I’m in town! We’re talking a beating that will crush that dream of yours and leave you forever scarred! You ain’t never seen a spanking that I’m gonna lay on you! You’ll be wishing you had put in an underground pool by the time I’m done and when that last jumpshot swishes through the net? I fully expect a nice dinner and a movie…courtesy of your wallet.

Oh yeah…and I want a soda and a medium bag of buttered popcorn also.

Chump.

The sport you SHOULD have stuck with. By the way…nice pants…

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6 Responses to Crazy Train

  1. Kat says:

    Wish I could be there for that game. Lol:)

  2. Frank Layton says:

    Coals on the fire, brother!! Your just giving the train more momentum! I’m on rails, there’s only one destination: victory at Casa De Franko.

  3. dad says:

    Sold 25 tickets for the BIG GAME in the last 10 minutes. I’m gonna be rich!!! Oh, by the bye, dad says he can beat you both in GOLF AND BASKETBALL!!! Any takers? LOLLOLLOL….Mom

    • Alan says:

      I’m coming to town on Thursday Mom. Looking forward to smacking Frank around then. Thinking if it’s nice maybe Frank would be so gracious as to cook out. Do some grilling and eating and then…we’ll lace. Them up and see what’s what. Let Dad know he’s welcome to get in on the action if he wants! 🙂

      • Frank Layton says:

        I’ll take off at noon Thursday to start cooking! You can start stretching about then too.

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